The marathon is less than a month away and I know already that I am not where I need to be in terms of training, pain management and physical fitness, but this is something I have wanted to do for so long and if I don't do it now will it happen? My plan was to train and see how far I could go and how quickly I could get up to strength, speed and distance. The reality is that I could be on that start line in April, but I don't know if I will make it to the finish line. I have already adapted my plan to run every other mile and walk every other mile, but this means that i won't complete the event in seven hours, which means I won't get a medal. This I am not so bother about, but I have been informed that the water stations, mile markers, toilets etc, will be removed as I am running and that I will have to run on the pavement and not the road, this causes an extra problem as I would be concerned about running on the pavement with a free knee, as any raised pavements could result in me being flat on my face and negotiating other pedestrians is not a prospect I look forward to.

If I defer my place I will have another year to train, to improve my conditioning, physical fitness and technique and longer to get the socket comfortable and adapt to the perspiration, but I will be putting my dream on hold. My family are worried that I might do permanent damage, which will affect my ability to care for my children and reduce my quality of life and I have to take their concerns seriously, but I have made a commitment to the Limbless Association and to all the people who have sponsored me. I run a charity and I know the impact it can have when people commitment to an event and pull out and I don't want to be that person. I also don't like to fail, which is why I push myself.

So I have a dilemma! Do I go ahead this year against all of the odds knowing that I can't achieve what I wanted to or do I postpone for a year and keep training so that I can complete the event in the seven-hour time limit? One of my strengths is finding solutions to problems and finding alternative ways to achieve things to ensure everyone is happy and has not been let down.

I met with my prosthetist on Wednesday and we talked about it and he said so are you going to defer and I said no, of course not. I'm with my Uncle who is an experience distance and marathon runner, who coaches others and he sat me down last night and said that in the interests of my health I should defer for a year. My Aunt who has dedicatedly watched friends and club members run marathons for over thirty years without the proper preparations and distance under their belt talked about the permanent damage able-bodied runners do to their bodies, let alone an above knee amputee who has only been running for seven months. Both said they believe in me and will help me prepare for next year and believe that I will achieve it next year and that they will be there at the event to support me. 

Robin, who is used to me pushing the boundaries, is concerned that I am not ready, but more concerned that I am bloody minded and will keep going until I get to the end regardless of the consequences. I've been thinking about my children and what message to give them, do I teach them that it is okay to postpone something, prepare properly and get it right, or to keep pushing even if it means risk of failure?

My Uncle, Aunt and I talked about a proper training programme, where I sign- up for a few 5k runs, followed by some 10k runs building on distance and experience, followed by some longer runs towards the end of the year, so that when I approach the ten week training programme I am already ahead of target, so the five weekends of snow in a row and sick children won't ruin my training programme. I am signing up for a six mile run in Lingfield this month, followed by some 5k runs and 10k runs and a half marathon in September.

I can take part in all of these runs wearing a t-shirt with the Limbless Association, LimbPower, OttoBock, ProActive Prosthetics and ISJ Prosthetics on it to thank and promote my supporters and by taking part in events and deferring the marathon, not abandoning the marathon, I should keep my sponsors happy and not let them down. My family will breath a sigh of relief and my girls can keep practicing running with me.

I will be sad not to be on the start line this year, but I will be on it next year, fitter and stronger and with a target in mind.