Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page this is my story

On the 29th January after finding a small lump I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, since then my life has been turned upside down.   

I didn't really know much about Cancer just that other people get it, sometimes it goes, sometimes it comes back, and sometimes you don't win the fight.

I also thought I'd get it cut out and be back at work in no time, it seems that also isn't the case.  

So far, in this very short space of time I have had an operation called a lumpectomy to remove the lump and an area around the lump to remove all the cancer, I was told if this was successfull I may need radiotherapy and possibly chemotherapy which I thought okay, I can do this, everyone tells you to be positive and I am, but 2 weeks later the results came back and turns out there was more.

Hearing that was probably the biggest shock I have ever had and despite holding my head up high and getting on with things I was devastated.  I have now had my second operation, a double masectomy and am awaiting my results to see if it is all gone, or if it is on, or near my chest wall.  Hopefully we can have some good news this time, good news for me means I can move on to the next phase - chemo, which is shockingly frightening but important.

Over the last few months I have learnt a lot, how incredibley loved I am by my friends and my husband, and how much I value my sister, and how with their support I will get through this one appointment at a time.

As far as cancer goes I'm lucky so far, they know about my type of cancer, it seems there are several different types of breast cancer not to mention other types of cancer as a whole, and they dont know how to deal with other types fully and this must be horrible for those suffering,  if it can happen to me (statistically it shouldn't, I have no family history and I'm young) it can happen to anyone.

So I have written this page to ask you to sponsor the race for life so that we can do something to contribute to finding a cure for cancer.

Please know I am 100% commited to doing this, even if one of my wonderful friends has to push me round in a chair, however if I am undergoing treatment and if I am at a stage I am too ill to take part I will not be able to do the run, so please be aware of that when you make a donation as someone may have to run on my behalf.

 ******UPDATE 15/03/14*********

I have been to see my consultant yesterday and he has confirmed that the mastectomy went well and that there was a 10mm margin between the Cancer and my chest wall which is good news, it means I'm less likely to need radiotherapy.  So now I don't need any more surgery, which is good as I'm not sure what else they can cut off !

So now my care has now been passed on to an Oncologist who will go through my treatment plan with me next week, chemo will be the way forward now.

This is the news we were hoping for as this was the best news they could have given.   I'm very scared about Chemo as Im worried about being ill as opposed to sore.

Im also worried about family life, especially how my little boy will deal with me looking ill and how well I will be able to look after him, - he still doesn't know that I have Cancer just thinks I some bad bits that needed taking out, he knows the word Cancer and I don't want him to be scared

For now though we are making progress and that is the best thing :0)

********UPDATE 19/03/14**********

Firstly I want to say I love these no make up selfies, they are making me smile and despite the doubters they are also raising money, maybe not everyone will donate who puts up a selfie but someone in that nominate chain will, anyway it is making me smile.

I can't believe the amount we have raised so far for cancer research, so I have decided to be really ambitious to see if we can reach a £1000 target which is massive but would be awesome ! even if we don't reach it we have made a huge difference and are doing something positive.

I now know that my first Chemo session is to be on the 2nd April, scary stuff but it has to be done so I just have to get on with it.  The side effects sound scary and I had a bit of a melt down this week on a day that I had to myself, which was a long time coming probably, but it didn't last long - the worst thing is being stuck indoors, I can't drive at the moment and if I walk too far I'm shattered so round the block is as good as it gets.  

The good news is that I will have 6 rounds in 3 week cycles and then although I will be on daily medication, and will have to have regular checks, and reconstruction, I will be able to rebuild and enjoy life again without this dominating my days.

******* UPDATE 05/04/14 *******

Apologies for the delay in the update its been a very busy week, so last weekend I wanted a normalish weekend before the chemo started this week, and as I will be missing a dear friends wedding this week I joined her for pre hen do drinks, had a fab time and forgot I was poorly for a while, though maybe a go on the swings was a step too far ;0).  I also went to my nieces 3rd birthday party which was lovely too, unfortunately I picked up a bug at that party.

On Monday I went wig shopping, I felt awful as I'd been throwing up all morning but needed to get it done, and I picked one but it was the most surreal experience, my amazing sister, daughter and Chris came with me, I'm still not sure about about it but at least I'm prepared the best I can be for when the hairloss starts.

Tuesday was the day I had to have a PICC line in my appointment was at 6pm, they give you a local anaesthetic, and feed the line up through your arm next to a little pocket  near your heart, very clever but odd and feels strange.  Because of the bug I had my temperature had spiked and by blood count had dropped, they like to do chemo when your immune system count is no lower than 3 mine was 2.9 so they said they would still go ahead with that - relief, didn't want the bug stopping everything, I'd waited so long to get this chemo started.  I had to stay in hospital till 10pm before they were happy to let me go.

Wednesday chemo day cycle 1/6, I was in hospital for 9.30, felt like I had not really been home, any way was anxious to get started so my lovely chemo nurse called Clare talked me brought everything and took my bloods, they had dropped 2.4 she said they may have to delay, I burst into tears I couldn't believe it, anyway she rang the oncologist who said go head but give me antibiotics too to take home.

Anyway to cut a long story shorter the chemo but was okay having the chemo all fine, the cold cap to try to keep my hair was another story, it is freezing, my cap was a brand new shiney version and its basiclly a water filled hat attached to a refrigeration unit which continually pumps freezing cold water around your head, when it first goes on its cold but you do get used to it, kind of, but you have to keep it on for a further 2 hours after the chemo has finished ! Anyway I had a funny turn at the end and could not stop shaking and shivering, I was wrapped up like a mummy with heat packs and blankets and it took a good while to stop, all that for my hair, I think not ! Again my temperature was high and they nearly made me stay in but this was due to the bug they thought but couldn't be sure.

So eventually I'm home feel really crappy which I didn't expect so soon though I'd have a couple of days grace lol, I have moments where I'm okay then all the stuff they have given you just wipes you out, but hey this is chemo so it's not going to be a walk in the park, but it is cope-able and I am doing okay, today I get to go down from 10 tablets to 3 ! So that's fantastic I don't like taking pills! 

******** Update 09/04/14 ********

well after my last update, things haven't  gone quite to plan, 2 days after that post I was admitted into hospital and i'm still there, I have never felt so awful, I even lost my smile for a while which for those that know me, that never happens, but today I found my smile :0)

My blood count has dropped dangerously low and my temp is spiking, I have no immune system, the nurses are gowning and gloving up when they come in to me, and I'm on intravenous antibiotics to try to protect me a little, so visitors are a no no really until my count goes up, with all the best will in the world people still want to come and see me but its not safe and it is risking my life - so please for now FaceTime and text ;0)

I'm hoping ill only be in for a few more days before it starts to come up, and the Doc has said he is going to lower the chemo dose for next time, I'm obviously a sensitive soul - who would of thought :0) 

***** UPDATE 15/05/14 ******

Well I can say that that was probably the worse week of my life, I have never felt so awful, I was I finally discharged yesterday I was neopenic sepsis (or something like that) but they could find no trace of my NEUTS blood count at all for over 5 days, no wonder I felt rough lol, when we finally did get a count of 0.4 and I thought thinks were looking up.....that didn't go to plan 

That very same day whilst sat reading, thinking things were finally going to get better, I became unable to breath and they thought I was having a heart attack, turns out it was a clot, so they injected me with more of the stuff they had been injecting me with every night for the last 5 days and I had to be transferred by ambulance to MK a&e for a CT scan - that's a very surreal experience but they did there stuff and it was all sorted.

So in the end it I was very lucky that I was still in hospital at the time it started, and that the drugs could be given so quickly, I was told that night those injections saved my life.  Anyway after my little outing I was admitted back into my hospital to wait while my bloods rose to a safe level for me to be at home, which took a further few days, (still have to be careful on visitors etc as my bloods still need to go up further)

So I am now home !!!!!!! YEAH, and have to say I feel amazing infact there are only 4 other times in my life I have felt this happy, the sun is shining I get to play with my son and sit in the garden while having a cup of tea.  

Cancer is changing me but for the better, I appreciate everything now the sunshine, the cuddles, the texts, my friends, and the effort people have gone to for me just to let me know they care especially those I haven't seen for a long time, it's also making me evaluate my life,  I'm no longer prepared to waste time on silly stuff that doesn't matter, or listen to negative crap that wastes energy I'm going to live my life not coast from day to day.

I'm not saying that things have to be all roses all the time, but I bought a sign the other week that sayes, Everyday may not be good, but there is some good in everyday, and that is so true you just have to see it.

So today I'm going to just sit back and watch my son  for those extra few seconds, just to really see him, and I'm going to take a second to appreciate the sunshine, and I'm going to make sure that in future I see the good in everyday.

Apologies for going off on a little tangent I'm not about to turn into a free love hippy - although that would be pretty cool lol

Anyway, a week on Wednesday is my next cycle all being well ......lets hope that one is not so much of an adventure xxx 

***********Easter Sunday*********

My skin is really sore and red, it's incredibly dry on my face and hands.  My head is also tender to touch, my hair has starting to come out, it makes me feel very sad.

Owen has a good time doing his Easter egg hunt so ill focus on that today.

**************UPDATE 07/05/14************

Well what an eventful time I've had, the second round of chemo went well.  

The chemo was much better than last time my dose was reduced by 20% so it has been much better to manage, I still get the sickness and the tiredness, the metal taste in my mouth, toilet trouble :0) tender head, irregular sleep blah blah but this time it's manageable.  The next round I will be half way there ! 

My bloods did drop this time again but because I felt well they said I could go home, as long as I was careful. So I stayed home and was very good but on my second week on the Sunday I needed to get out do we took a stroll to the village pub, it was lovely, I had a glass of wine in the garden and then we ventured back home, my husband was adamant I couldn't stay out long, on the way home my son rode into to the back of me on his bike, unfortunately this resulted in a massive opening in the back of my calf, I ended up in A&E with 7 stitches so now I am hobbling around the house - needless to say its put me off going out again !

***************UPDATE 12/05/14************

Okay so not one to be held back, I ventured out again, it was my sons birthday this week and I was desperate to take him somewhere so his birthday wasn't ruined, he was so good about me turning down some of his suggestions because they were not safe for me.  We managed to go out for dinner, and we went to Woburn Safari park he had a fab day it was great.

I have to say that the frustration I have felt with my leg this week has been tough and I have been very up and down emotionally mainly due to the frustration of being dependant on others, luckily I have a fantastic sister and some great friends, one of whom drove down from Coventry and stayed for the week to take Owen to school each day and help me get around the house, I am lucky I have them to rely on x.

My amazing friends and sister had also been plotting a surprise and have all clubbed together so that I can get myself a nice wig or spend the money on something just for me to do something nice after the treatment if that's what I want, it's great to have something to look forward too.  Maybe a wig, maybe a spa, the possibilities are endless lol...... 

A few of them turned up at my house with a great card with pictures of everyone who contributed on and a lovely poem inside, balloons and a bottle of bubbles and we had a mini party it's was fab and I can't thank them enough.

Today though I was told that this chemo round is being postponed because of my leg, it appears chemo stops healing and I need to have had the stitches removed and the wound healed enough to continue, initially this upset me as I want to get this chemo thing done as soon as possible, however, the schedule now falls better to enable me to be in a better position to take part in the race for life which I'm very excited about !  So every cloud and all that, I have a special chair being made to get me round in - it will be a "pimp my ride" special and is more of a cart than a chair lol

********UPDATE 03/06/14 *****

I'm sorry it's taken a while to update my page this time, I am doing well though and have now had chemo 3/6, I initially thought this was going to be a huge milestone but actually it just made me aware of how far I still have to go, but I'm sure after the next one the light will be at the end of the tunnel, with regards to chemo anyway.  I have also had to shave my head bald which I really don't like but it has to be done x 

At each faze they give you the next bit of info which sometimes feels like this will just go on and on, but of course that's not true and they can't tell you all at once it would be overwhelming.

so this week is the race for life it's finally here !  and so far I'm on track, they are still a little worried about my leg, but I'm sure it will be fine, I have my ride lol!  I have been really looking forward to this, a day of normality, well a day out at least ! 

Watch this space photos to follow!!

******UPDATE 09/06/14*******

So next round on Wednesday ....... Catch up soon  

****** update 05/07/14 ********

Okay so i am very late in providing updates this time, after chemo 4/6 i was fed up everyone one in the world was going camping which i love and i was fed up of being stuck in the house so i came home from chemo and applied for a loan, i didnt even ask or tell my husband, it was accepeted in 10 minutes and i didnt tell him until the next day - being bed ridden with an ipad is dangerous lol !  I had decided that I needed a home from home so that I could get out of these four walls whilst still keeping myself safe, so I told Chris I wanted a caravan, and we needed to go and buy one, ...and that I'd already got a loan to do it - luckily he was pretty ace about it and whilst a bit miffed I had just applied for a loan with out discussing it he went with it, the fact I was lying in bed looking rough as old boots may have played in my favour ;0).

So we bought a very old 1998 caravan and it has made a huge difference, we have been away in it on two weekends now which has helped the time go faster and give me something to look forward too, the fresh air is great for keeping upbeat, and just having some normal times in amongst this, it would be so easy to sit on my sofa and dispare but i have too much to lose to which means doing whatever it takes to get through each week.

Anyway with the help of the caravan the 5 session came round really quickly.

Chemo 5/6 done !

The tiredness has hit me hard this time and I look like a bright red beet root, but that's the steroids and should calm down. My hot flushes have gone into overdrive, so far I have put on over 2 stone in weight which is really depressing but apparently is normal, the chemo changes your metabolism and the steroids make you put on weight, still it will help me to have something to focus on after, as I will need to lose it ASAP so I can start to feel like me again.  So much for the chemo diet - I thought I'd get thin!

They have said that the tiredness will get worse each time as you get a build up in your system of the chemo which is frustrating but not the worst of what happens so a few extra cat naps here and there will keep me in check, the lack of energy can take months for that to pass but I think as long as I'm sensible I will be okay with that as I am doing okay with it now, so everything in little bursts and making sure I rest when I need to should sort that out, it's amazing what our bodies cope with.

Speaking of rest that's me needing my next snooze, just got to get these next few days over and I can be feeling better and on the road to the last one !

Then I get the pills ........

Thanks again for all the amazing support xx. 

On wards and upwards......

Kirstie xxx