So here's the story.

I like a girl. She's great. Unfortunately, although she likes me, she may have been stolen by another suitor. This sucks but dammit, I'm not giving up without a fight.

In casual conversation I made a joke that I might wear armour (or the closest rentable approximation to it) the next time I see her. Women love knights, I've seen the movies.

Of course, I have now rented a knight's costume, and I am going to look like a tool. Additionally, you can only rent a knight's costume for a week at a time. Whether or not said lady decides not to laugh me out of the bar (she won't, she's nice like that), what the fuck am I going to do with a knight's costume for a whole week?

Wait... a... minute...

Knight Week!!!!!!

To legitimise my week-long costume wearing, and to maximise my chances of being up all night to get lucky (that Daft Punk track really irks me...), I'm raising money for charity. A good one. CALM campaigns to have men speak out more about their problems because suicide is the biggest killer of young men in the UK.

So that's the pitch - I woo, you save lives. Also, together we will figure out the answers to some really important questions:

- How do you poop when you're wearing armour?

- Can I ride a bike wearing this stuff?

- If I'm moronic enough to pull this off, can we make Knight Week an annual event for a great charity, rival Movember, and generally be awesome?

On Friday 20th September I will be having a Big Knight Out. I'm not yet sure what that means but you're invited.