In honour of my tremendous grandparents!!!

I was only a child when my Pappy, Carlo Zambonini passed away, on Guy Faukes of all nights.

A sudden heart attack stole him in his early fifties leaving us all feeling completely robbed, empty and full of pain. 

 Whilst other kids were getting wrapped up in warm mittens to watch Guy sizzle like a sausage the only burning I was party to was the sheer sting of tears on my heartbroken face.  Bangers, Katherine Wheels, Rockets and giggles were drowned out by my angry sobs.  My first experience with death left me devastated and shocked to the core, little did I know there was more shock to follow.   

My Nona, Mary Zambonini never completely recovered from that day.

 After the initial grieving period it became apparent she wasn’t her usual self. 

Stopped working, going out, practically a recluse TV became her life. 

Her memory started to slip.  She became confused almost in an instant over trivial things, like where had she put her glasses whilst they were on top of her head!  Reassuring and reminding her became a frustrating task for those around her.

Being a small child I remember thinking it was rather comical, looking back now I wish I had of known how much hurt and concern it was causing my parents and family. 

 Years later I lost my Gran, Isobel Reid in a similar sudden way.  After endouring 14 years of kidney dialysis and surviving and making a full recovery from a heart triple by-pass operation earlier on that year her body had decided to give in. 

Sorrow struck us all once again. 

Older now I felt more equipped to hold it together for the sake of my Grandpa, Robert Reid. 

Despite our encouragement he completely fell apart.   

 Memory loss and confusion was taking over, once again the early stages of Alzheimer’s began to surface.  It was as though his broken heart had flipped a switch!

On a family outing for dinnerwe all giggled whilst Grandpa introduced himself to my Dad, his son in law, mistaking him for the waiter. You had to laugh or you would have never stopped crying and getting angry was pointless and just upsetting for him!

Completely unable to look after themselves if became apparent the only option was full time care.  This was confirmed the day we caught Grandpa hoovering the grass and trying to heat tins in the microwave.    

Visiting was hard. 

That’s an understatement. 

The pain you feel when someone you have adored your entire life doesn't even recognize you is excruciating!!!

The lucid moments were even worse.  Hearing my Mum sob when her Dad is begging her not to leave him in this ‘terrible place’ despite her knowing it was the safest option for him was heartbreaking!!!. 

The guilt you, me , she must have felt can not be described!

 I make it sound like they had terrible times in the home and this was certainly not the case.  Grandpa was always the life and soul.   At every event he’d be the first up singing and dancing and Nona . . . . .content to the end adored anyone who placed a piece of chocolate on her tongue!   

 In the later stages Nona forgot how to speak.  Apart from the occasional swear word which was something she would have been totaly ashamed to have done previously.

  I'll always wonder what quality of life they really had? 

Did they know things were entirely different..........................?

Was it really that scary and confusing to be in front of immediate family and not know for sure just who they were. . . .. Like a trivia question you know you once knew the answer to? 

Even in lucid moments were they ever aware of who I was???

Why was I so unforgetable??? 

Did they simply enjoy their elderly years despite the effects of this terrible disease???

Some questions will never be answered!!!

We lost my Grandpa in 2005 but my Nona fought on till September 2009. 

 This terrible affliction had reduced her memory to non existant and she had became a shadow of her former self.  A woman once so house proud and articulate, now a bag of bones and totally incapable of communication.  

I’m ashamed to say it had been over a year since I’d last visited her when she passed.  Confused and upset by my previous visit she had swung to punch my face when I went in for a kiss.  Her firstborn grandchild whom she once adored was now a complete stranger.  Our special bond murdered by this terrible affliction.   Never wanting to revisit the hurt from that day I avoided it until it was too late!  I only hope one day she can forgive me.

For every time Pappy sang me I'm a happy Pappy whilst feeding me Fab ice lollies.

For every time Gran let me read my favourite story over and over despite her boredom telling me how proud she was.

For every bramble adventure me and Grandpa went on . . . .he'd always save me the fattest ones to munch whislt he sang to the birds. 

For every tasteless flour biscuit my Nona made every visitor in the house eat because she wanted to give me confidence in my cooking!. 

 For everyone who has loved and lost and been effected by this terrible disease I ask you to find it in your hearts to donate as much or as little as you can afford.  You never know when you might be in need of the same support.  

I have chosen to support ALZHEIMER'S RESEARCH TRUST-  http://www.alzheimers-research.org.uk/ 

The Alzheimer's Research Trust is funding world-class research to find ways to cure, prevent or treat Alzheimer's disease and related dementias.

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving – they’ll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they’ll send your money directly to the charity and make sure Gift Aid is reclaimed on every eligible donation by a UK taxpayer. So it’s the most efficient way to donate - I raise more, whilst saving time and cutting costs for the charity.