Arse'n'all is a five-a-side team competing in the Leeds University Chemistry Department's annual Football tournament. We are the only predominantly female team consisting of:

'Princess' Potter

'Danger' Shaw

'Lil Dick' Dickinson

Hayley 'The Fenton'

'Sour Kraut' Kainmueller

Petra 'The Twin' Rovó

'Fen Dogg' Fenna

and a special mention for our only male member...

Safe Hands Hopton... THE DADDY!!!

So watch out Synthetico Madrid, Teddy Bears, Some-One Might Score, River Hotplate, F.C.Schlenke Physical and Team X... we're coming to get you!

Please Give Generously!

We have now played our first match and Princess has provided a stunningly accurate summary of the action... see below!

Match 1: Arse’n’all V’s Synthetico Madrid 0-4


The girls came out looking gorgeous, well Lee could have done with a bit more lipstick, and Anil’s skirt was a bit too short but other than that they were ok. The opposition were striking in their bright pink charity shirts with matching pink accessories, leg-warmers, make-up, nail varnish; the works, it had the makings of a good game.

Both teams made a strong start and after the first 15 minutes it looked like the game was set for a draw. Both teams had some good shots on goal but all were safely saved. However, a free-kick taken with much gamesmanship put Arse’n’all down 1-0, a shame after some great defending and awesome saves from ‘Safe Hands’ Hopton.

Arse’n’all tried to keep their heads up and some strong tackling from the pink ladies resulted in Ales hobbling off the pitch. Lil’ Dick Turner came off slightly better and bravely continued to play. A great save from ‘The Daddy’ was followed by the worst luck of the game when the deflected save rolled straight to the foot of the opposition at the edge of the semi-circle. A fluky miss-kick from Anil, while ‘The Daddy’ was getting up from his spectacular diving safe seconds before, somehow resulted in a goal leaving Arse’n’all 2-0 down.

The girls battled on bravely and a team decision was made to bring ‘The Daddy’ out of the net to try to equal the score. ‘Princess’ Potter put on the gloves and the team focussed on the attack. Unfortunately, they focussed too much on the attack and with some patchy defending a third goal was conceded as Chris was allowed a un-challenged shot from the half-way line. A fourth goal was disallowed as Chris ran straight into the keeper’s area and had another shot. Somehow this was missed by the ref and not owned up to by Chris but luckily the honest crowd acting as referees assistants on mass put the situation right.

The score remained at 3-0 until the last few minutes of the game when Lee scored the best goal of the game, an unstoppable shot blasted into the top right-hand corner leaving the score as a respectable 4-0. A great start for the first ever predominantly female team in this tournament. All played well and more importantly the £1000 target fundraising for Andrea’s Gift has unbelievably almost been reached already!! Good work girls, let’s smash that target!

Good effort ladies. A special mention to the injured players, Lil’ Dick Turner whose ankle may never be the same after her heroic tackling and ‘Princess’ Potter who took several hard hits while playing some strong defence on the pitch and in the net. Also Eva ‘Sour Kraut’ Kainmuller who tried to get the ball but hurt her ankle instead!! Don’t get the wrong impression though, we are hard as nails!!

Player of the match: ‘Safe Hands’ Hopton