Ruth

Ruth died on the 22nd of April, the day of the 2007 London Marathon. Without doubt this was the saddest day of my life, and will be the hardest anniversary to get through in the coming year.

Having always promised myself that I would run a marathon, and previously tried to enter the London marathon, I was clearly left with no option but to stop talking and get on with it. I’ve secured a place with the Sue Ryder Care team. Sue Ryder fund Wheatfield’s hospice where Ruth was cared for and supported.

Nothing will ever replace the loss and love for Ruth, but challenges and activity have been a huge help in getting through the days. Ruth was always active, enjoyed life and wanted to live. Whenever I’m feeling low or doubt the reason for living, I remind myself of what Ruth wanted most, and do my best at getting on with life and enjoying it. Ruth enjoyed life at every opportunity, even during her 5 year battle with breast cancer.

The marathon will be my biggest physical challenge so far. Please help me to pay back the hospice. I can not put into words how helpful the hospice was and what brilliant personal service they provide to the families affected by cancer.

How did the marathon go?

Thank you so much.

I can’t believe the generosity and support that I have had from you.

The day of the marathon was a really great day.  At times I found it quite hard to hold things together and yet there were moments when I got lost in the carnival and sucked in the atmosphere. 

It was a special day from the moment I arrived in Greenwich park.  As I walked across the park Barber’s Adagio for Strings was played over the PA system.  This is the only classical piece of music I really know, it was Ruth’s favourite piece of music and the one that she asked me to have played at her funeral.  As the music came on I was truly choked. 

I enjoyed meeting Jonathan Edwards, Ruth was a big fan and would have loved to meet him. I was also very relieved once the interview was over and I could concentrate on the run.  I went to the park entrance nearest the BBC stand but the stewards would not let me back into the starting area of the park, so I had to jog over half a mile to get back in the park to join the other runners.  I finished the interview about 9.37 and the run was due to start at 9.45, so it was an interesting jog around the park back to the start.

I just arrived at the start as the hooter sounded.  I joined in and was relieved to be running.  In the week up to the run I was pretty nervous and felt quite a bit of pressure with the sponsorship and the publicity.  I was anxious not to start off too fast and make sure that I made it to the end.  A friend told me to run the first half at a slow pace and if I was to increase my pace it should be in the second half of the run.  That was what I aimed to do. I passed the half marathon point at just under 2 hours, this was quite a bit slower than my training pace.  I held the pace until 16 miles then increased it slightly,  at 17 – 21 miles I felt great, at 22 I started to tire and at 23 miles I hit the wall.

Until that moment I did not believe that the wall existed.  My pace dropped and all my effort was going into keeping my legs moving.  I cursed myself for increasing the pace and heard Ruth in my head giving me a tough time as well.  Ruth always let me know when I had ideas above my station.  At the 18 mile point I felt like an elite athlete and paid for it dearly at the 23 mile point.  The last 3 miles were the hardest bit of running I have ever done, although to call it running would not be correct.  I think the official difference between running and walking is that when you run both feet at some point leave the ground.  I’m unsure whether this was actually happening.  With just 200 meters to go I had severe cramp and had to stretch my leg, this was the only time in the race I had stopped running and I could see the finish line.  I managed to relieve the cramp and ran, well put one foot in front of the other again.  As I crossed over the line I had a sense of achievement, relief and sadness.  This was such an important day for me and everything went as it should have, even the finishing time. Just before I hit the wall I thought I was going to smash the 4 hour target I had set myself.  When I hit the wall I forgot the target and did not look at my watch until I crossed the line.  When I finally looked at my watch, a few strides after the finish, it read 3.59 and a few seconds.  I could not believe that I had still finished within the 4 hours.    

I had a sense that Ruth was there sharing the day, the level of positive energy, support, people taking on a real challenge and enjoying the moment. The friendliness of the crown and the other runners was amazing.  Ruth loved the idea of sport and participation.  Participation regardless of ability and the part in participation that a person plays, whether spectators, helpers or those doing a sport.  The day of the marathon was everything that Ruth liked about life and sport.

Thank you so much for your support.  The amount of money raised is fabulous; Sue Ryder Care and the Sue Ryder hospice where Ruth stayed will be so pleased by the amount and the generosity. 

Thank you all, thank you so much.

Chris

p.s. I will run another marathon.  If I get in, I will be back in London with pink hair.  Unfortunately I have had to shave the pink hair off at least for another year. Thank you.

Ruth, brief background

Ruth and I met through sports at Leeds Polytechnic (now Leeds Metropolitan University). Ruth was a brilliant volleyball player, captained one of the most successful teams atLeeds Metropolitan University, played for the Leeds National League team,Yorkshire and early in her volleyball career had played in the National junior squad.  Ruth also played basket ball and enjoyed sport in whatever form.  Ruth was a successful PE teacher and had held, Head of Department positions at Morley High School Leeds and the Kings High School Pontefract. Both schools have raised significant amounts of money for Sue Ryder Care, cancer research and the Ruth Gorse Sports Foundation. Ruth had always wanted to be a PE teacher and loved her job.  Even though sometimes very tough, Ruth continued to teach throughout the five years that she lived with breast cancer.  Ruth had five different treatments of chemo therapy and 3 major operations to remove tumours but refused to be beaten, continued to work and enjoy life.  She loved teaching, coaching teams and seeing children develop. 

I would like to thank theStaff,Schooland Governors at both Morley High School and Kings High School Pontefract for the time Ruth spent at the schools and the support which was always offered.

I would also like to thank the staff and those that govern LeedsMetropolitanUniversity for the time that we spent there as students, which was a wonderful experience, and as I'm now an employee, for the support which the University gave me while Ruth was ill.

Thank you to all the family and friends who have supported us and all of those wonderful people who have donated money and didn't have the pleasure of meeting Ruth.  Thank you all so much.

I'd also like to thank Fraser McKinney for the much needed physio.

How's the training going?  Well I've ran a few half marathons.  My time has improved quite a lot.  In Worksop I ran in just under 1.37, then in December I ran the Norwich half and knocked another minute off my time  I ran the York Brass Monkey in January and did 1.34.28.  Not long after Ruth died I ran theSheffield half marathon and completed it in 1.47, so I'm quite impressed with my improvement.  I've no more half marathons planned and intend to slow down and increase my distance. 

The furthest I have run so far is 22 miles, which took me 3.16.  Hopefully I will be able to complete the London Marathon in under 4 hours.  I would like to do around 3.50, but the most important thing will be to finish.  I have already shed a tear or two whilst running, so I expect that I will be quite emotional when I finish - regardless of what time I do.   

It is almost a year since Ruth died and it still seems like yesterday. I still miss Ruth and love her more than ever.  It is very difficult to know that the thing I want the most I cannot have, no matter what I say or do.  Ruth's  positive attitude is still the thing that I hang on to and inspires me to keep going.  I'm confident she will get me through the marathon and the more testing things that life will inevitably bring to my door.  Ruth faced so many difficult decisions and kept on going and enjoying life.  If you ever catch me feeling sorry for myself - give me a kick and remind me about my wife.

Thanks for supporting me, please let as many people as possible know about the web site.  Thank you so much, Chris

If you would prefer not to use the web site but wish to send the money directly to me you can do this (address below). Please make cheques payable to Sue Ryder Care.

Many thanks for your help and support

Chris Gorse

Leeds Metropolitan University, School of the Built Environment, Queens Square, Northern Terrace, Leeds. LS1 3HE.

Some people have asked me for more photographs of Ruth, like the one on this page.  I've placed some on my facebook site, which can be found by doing a search for Chris Gorse.