So... I am hoping to raise some money by asking family & friends to donate a little to help somewhere now close to my heart..

For those that dont know my story i have unfortunately struggled with mental health issues for as far back as i can remember. Going through spells of serious difficulties including contemplating suicide as a way of relief of escape, as at times not knowing where to turn or even being too proud to admit. You would think falling pregnant and the thought and reality of becoming a mum to a beautiful baby, something always pertrayed as positive, could cause such serious mental implications to some..

The sad statistic being at any point 1 in 3 of us will suffer some sort of mental health illness/trauma at any point in our lifetime. Mental health doesnt discriminate who or how it affects & pregnancy & birth can be one of the hardest times for woman. Yet also one of possibly the hardest times to admit to struggling and a great fear in having nowhere to turn. I was one of the woman whom it affected greatly. I became detached to Jacob during my pregnancy, I began to believe that i was hurting Jacob, that i didnt deserve Jacob that i was going to kill myself yet somehow save Jacob...distressing feelings and thoughts for not only myself but those around me! I spent the last 9 weeks of my pregnancy in an acute mental health ward with proffesionals who were not trained in dealing with prenatal distress. There is no such service in tayside the closest specialist team being the mother & baby unit at St Johns Hospital in Livingston.

Due to ongoing struggles and distress after pregnancy, and the initial euphoria of having Jacob wearing off, I became very ill. It became imperative that i be admitted to hospital once more my only hope of receiving the specialist care needed and still having Jacob with me was to be admitted to the mother & baby unit in Livingston.

This unit provides one on one care with you and your baby 24 hours a day, the staff are trained in Prenatal, perinatal psychiatry. You get the support and the medical treatment needed to deal with such conditions. It is a very family orientated unit. where there are play areas for baby with sensory equipment, and a lounge, dining and kitchen area for mums. The staff within the unit are amazing they keep your spirits lifted to the best of their abilities and use ways of distraction to keep the horribble thoughts at bay, yet learn new strategies for dealing with them. The psychiatrist giving you a formal yet informal way of treatment and the other services that contribute to the ward, bringing in useful information and for ongoing help once discharged. The unit provides it all. I want to be able to give back and im asking you to help.

The unit relies on certain things that contribute hugely to the patients & their families and have to justify these essentials to the health board who arent always obliging.. I would love to raise funds to go towards making the little things that matter and arent always accounted for, to give back something to them... Jacob has his mummy back thats what they have given us and myself. We...,

will forever be grateful and thankful for that..

ITS OK TO NOT BE OK