Thanks for taking the time to visit our JustGiving page in memory of our son - Michał x

We have always wanted a little brother or sister for our daughter Aoife and on the 1st May 2018 our wish came true - we were pregnant ! We were over the moon that our family of 3 would be a family of 4 in the very near future... 

The pregnancy was going really well, I felt great and slowly over the weeks we were starting to prepare for our new arrival...Aoife was so excited at becoming a 'big' sister and she could not wait till each bed time to read a book we had got her 'What's inside Mummy's tummy ?' to see how big her little baby had grown...

I can remember the day we all set out for our 20 week scan - it was a beautiful day, sun was shining, we were so excited at seeing how big our little bundle had become. With our baby photo tokens in hand, we made our way to the scanning room...Aoife was like a little jumping bean looking at the various screens 'where is baby ?' and slowly our little baby came into focus...'there it is' she shouted...the baby had grown so much since our last scan.

When I looked at the screen I got a feeling something was not quite right - the little speckle of a heart that I had seen beating at the previous scan was not there ? I asked right there and then if there was a heartbeat and the sonographer turned to me and said 'that is just what I am trying to find' which did not sit well with me, because if you did not see it you would definitely be able hear it ? 

I started to feel an uneasiness inside, not wanting Andrew or Aoife to see how concerned I was I turned my head towards the sonographer and in that moment he gave us the most devastating news - 'I am so sorry, but I cannot find a heartbeat'. In the seconds that followed all I heard was Andrew saying 'noooo' and Aoife saying 'why has baby not got a heartbeat?'...this could not be happening - why ? how ? Sheer disbelief, extreme sadness and so many tears followed - we felt numb...

The following day we had to make a visit to the antenatal clinic to discuss what was going to happen next. We were asked to sit in a separate waiting area and when called, we had to walk through a waiting room full of pregnant women. The tears just ran and by the time we had made it through to the consulting room I was inconsolable. We were there for a few hours - lots of questions, discussions, reading of leaflets and tests filled the time - but no one could tell us why this had happened and why we had no signs to indicate that something was wrong.

Due to the gestation of the baby we were told that we had to be induced so labour could start. We were given a couple of tablets to start the process and then were asked to come back in a couple of days. That was it, the beginning of the end of our pregnancy.

On Sunday 2nd September 2018 we took the journey to the labour ward at Stoke Mandeville Hospital. They have one room specifically for parents that are having a 'known' stillbirth called the 'Primrose Room'. Once we had arrived sadly another family were going through the same heartache as us, so we had to give birth on the labour ward. 

After 6 hours of labour at 10.04pm our little boy Michał was born sleeping. Little hands and feet, a little belly like his mummy and muscly legs like his daddy - he was so small, but perfect in every single way. Why had his little heart stopped beating ?

We did not know what to expect at all and were overwhelmed by the love and care that our little boy and we received from our midwife Jess and the rest of the team at Stoke Mandeville. They did their upmost of treating us like any other 'expecting' parents and Michał like any other 'newborn' baby. They took their time dressing Michał, making him comfortable with a blanket and teddy, taking hand and foot prints and photo's. We were able to spend the whole of our time in hospital with Michał as the labour ward have a 'coldcot' which enables families to be with their babies in their rooms, which bought us happiness and the relief that he was with us and not on his own. 

The following day we had Michał blessed by the hospital chaplin and then started talking to the bereavement team about a postmortem and funeral for Michał. It was surreal, we just wanted to be like the other parents on the ward taking their little bundle home - but instead we were talking about how this had happened, how we were feeling and his funeral.

The team at Stoke Mandeville were incredible and we will forever be grateful to them for making the hardest time of our lives to date, one we can look back on with happy memories of our little 'champ'.

Even though we have an amazing support network of family and friends, when you come home you feel very alone. To help us come to terms with our loss and to help keep little Michał's memory alive we have decided to set up a Justgiving page to raise money and awareness of miscarriage and stillbirth. 

The charity we have chosen to support is 4lLouis. 

Whilst in hospital we were given a 4Louis Memory Box which is given to bereaved families to help remember and not forget their little ones. It has bought a great deal of comfort to us through this hard time and has been a great tool to use for talking about Michał with his sister Aoife.

4 Louis is a small family run charity that is having a huge positive impact upon the baby loss community. The charity is growing rapidly and offers valuable support for both parents and professionals. The charity provides a selection of memory boxes which range from stillborn babies right up to the children ages 16 years. The charity also offers a selection of moses baskets and a range of equipment for hospitals which includes cold units, cameras and access to training. Their passion to support others and raise the profile of baby loss is trully outstanding.

For more information about 4 Louis and the work they do please see their website below.

www.4louis.co.uk

6 families went through the same as us over the same weekend, in the same hospital. We are not the first and will definitely not be the last to encounter this forever heartache, but by raising money and awareness of baby loss in the memory of our son Michał we can make sure that future families have the same care and tools that we were so lucky to have.

Rest in peace our little angel xxx

Thank you for taking time to read this.

Anna, Andrew, Aoife & Michał
xxx