Many people have probably met my mum. You might not even know it, she was probably that woman that wouldn't shut up in the queue at Starbucks. Or she probably started chatting to you at the bus stop then didn't stop til you got off the bus half an hour later. Carolyn could fill any room with her voice and she certainly had a lot to say! This is probably because she always busy doing something. She'd be out for afternoon tea people watching and reporting back everything she saw. She loved a Saturday night in jailhouse, Tina Turner - Proud Mary was her song of choice. She had to visit every new restaurant or cafe before anyone else so she could let us know her thoughts. 

Carolyn was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago. This didn't change her, she still wanted to get out see people. She went through 8 lots of chemotherapy, a mastectomy and 2 weeks of radiotherapy. Cancer treatment has some funny after affects and she struggled with tinnitus. This led her to give up working at TK Maxx as she struggled with anxiety and getting up in the morning. But we agreed what ever was right for her. She went into remission for 5 years and I treasured the time I had with her, spending weekends joining her for afternoon tea or drinks in the pubs or walking the dog. We were best mates. 

March 2019. Mum had some issues with dizziness and struggled to use her right arm. She knew something wasn't right and saw the doctor. They prescribed some tables but it was still a problem. I suggested seeing the optician as her glasses might be causing the problem. My now husband took mum to Specsavers. They scanned her eye and found there was something pushing against it and referred us to hospital. I took her up and after an MRI we found out mum had brain tumor on her motor neuron strip. This is why she was loosing the use of her right hand. In April mum went to Queens Med and had the tumor removed successfully and followed some radiotherapy. My mum had spent 5 years growing her hair back after chemotherapy and was then told she would lose it again due to the radiotherapy being on her head. My amazing family and friends raised money for my mum to get a real hair wig for my wedding in August and she was overwhelmed with the support. 

All through this my mum remained her positive super chatty self and still got out and about on the bus as she couldn't drive post brain surgery for a year. We planned my wedding and got my dress and it was all going great! My wedding came round at the end of August. Mum wasn't her self and had been off food for a few days. She powered through like the amazing strong woman she is. I look back at my wedding day I know she was doing all she could to be there! She was full of pride! After the wedding i went off to the lakes with my husband and my dog. We got back and mum was excited to see us but feeling really poorly. My dad wanted to take her to the doctors but she's very stubborn and knows what she wants she refused to go. The pains got worse and my dad had to call an ambulance. 

I'd been home from my mini-moon a week and everything went crazy. My mum was in hospital for 3 weeks and we didn't really know what the issue was with different ideas coming back from the doctors but no hard truth. Then mum started fall in and out of consciousness she could hear us but couldn't really talk. I called a meeting with the sister and a consultant as we needed answers. At this point we knew something wasn't right and my brother came home and told the RAF he couldn't be posted away. We were told mum had cancer, it had spread to her liver. She had weeks possibly days. I'm still not sure if mum knew this. 

From this point St Barnabas stepped in. It was a Friday. They assessed mum for referral to the hospice. Then we needed to decide as soon as possible so she could go in before the weekend. They invited me and my dad to go and have a look around before we decided and we knew it was the right place. Quiet, private, and lots of nurses on hand. Mum was moved there that night and I traveled in the ambulance with her. The hospice was amazing. As soon as we arrived we spoke to a doctor who was honest with us but also offered care and support. The nurses made mum more comfortable straight away. They washed her and put her own clothes on. The biggest thing i remember is the mouth cleaning kit, these cost £30 but as mum hadn't been drinking her mouth looked sore and uncomfortable. This kit must have made her feel so much better. When we came back in she looked much more peaceful and pain free. They were able to manage mum's pain and listened to us when we told them we thought she was struggling. They set up camp beds in her room for us and we could come and go as we pleased. There were endless cups of tea and coffee and food if we needed it. They also have rooms and showers for visitors to stay. 

Sunday 6th October. Mum had put up a good fight for 3 days in the hospice. My dad, brother and I had stayed in the room with her the night before. The nurses said we all looked peaceful and mum didn't stir. It was when they had to move her and change her mum couldn't cope so well. But we were all there by her side. This was all made possible by the amazing care that St Barnabas offered in my mum's last days. They supported us with a hug or kind words. The nurses would come and talk to mum as they said she could hear us we'd tell them funny stories, and what she was like. 

I cannot thank them enough. St Barnabas need these funds to carry on offering this specialist care to people who need it most. 

This video gives more information about the amazing work St Barnabas do and where the money goes: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SV4905ESamo&index=2&list=PLssXMVweoEvk5DPkB0m1zCbTvIdG68ECf

So here's the plan:

My 6 queens will be joining me in cycling from Lincoln to my mum's favourite place SKEGNESS. 

40+ miles through the wolds to South View Holiday Park. Some of them haven't rode a bike since they were a kid so time to get some practice in! Tour de Queens are hoping to raise £1000 for St Barnabas.  

Thanks to Stef, Sophie, Katie, Stacey, Koutney & Holly for agreeing to this and sticking by me as they have through this tough year! 

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St Barnabas Hospice is a local independent charity and every year we support more than 10,500 people across Lincolnshire with a life limiting or terminal condition. We deliver free, high-quality, compassionate end-of-life care and support to patients, their families and carers. We aim to enable them to live as fully as they are able for however many days, weeks or months they have left.We are reliant on the financial support our community provides so that we can be there for more patients, their families and carers, every day of the year.