Firstly I would like to thank James Mortimore and his penchant for red wine for forcing me out of retirement. After a rendezvous with Ben Hendry and a LONG conversation in a Casino toilet they both agreed to meet the terms of my rider and make this show happen. So it is with great pleasure I bring to The S Factor the RAW POWER if Silke & Co in Doncaster and a huge appetite for destruction (if you know what I'm saying!).

After knowing nothing about The S Factor and being forced into the spotlight just 17 days ago it has taken over my life like an 80's training montage. In preparation I have doubled my Jack Daniels intake and have been studying hours of YouTube footage to perfect my live show stage technique. I have battled laryngitis, tennis elbow, pink eye and acute stage fright to bring you the pinnacle of mediocre life performances. So the very least you can do is put your hands in your pockets and help a great charity. At least if you give too much you know where you can get some great insolvency advice! I don't think Sheffield is ready for what is about to happen but its going to happen anyway! So bust out the hairspray, the best leather and finest vintage t shirts as we rock out with our socks out for a wonderful cause. Onwards to the live show...