<p><span style="color: #000000;">The Great North Swim is not great at all, it is terrible: one mile in the open water of Lake Windemere, versus 9,000 other 'athletes'. I am still unsure why I am doing it. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">&nbsp;</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">When considering sponsrship do bare in mind that:</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">a)&nbsp;the last time I swam more than 100m I was 12 years of age.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">b) running is really difficult and boring but&nbsp;swimming is similar, but wet and cold as well.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">c) I've been training in a 15m pool, which is ridiculous -&nbsp;whoever heard of a pool without slides?</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">e) I have a target of &pound;200.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">f) I like you very much and you are looking great today - have I ever told you how nice your hair looks? You're the very&nbsp;best!</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">g) Flattery gets you everywhere.</span></p>