I am doing the London to Brighton bike ride again. Please sponsor me, and together we can stick two fingers up to the credit crunch, change the world and be home in time for Hollyoaks.

Despite my efforts, people are still having heart problems, last year I cycled from London to Brighton on two wheels using leg propulsion. This year will be no different. Now I understand that some of you will be affected by the credit crunch, so I will tread lightly, however, I have a few ideas that will help you to help me to save people from heart disease.

1. Dump your shares in Starbucks. My broker says this is the best time to sell.
2. Again, please give up fois gras for a month and switch to regular paté.
3. Use the money that you would have spent in Woolworths pick and mix section.
4. Ditto Whittards and them discount shoe shops.
5. Children make great chimney sweeps.
6. Adopt some orphans and see point 5.
7. If you have a swimming pool, cover it up for the winter.
8. Buy a 500SL Mercedes, is like the 600 but much cheaper, if you remove the badge no-one will know the difference.
9. Buy Champagne only for special occasions, is much nicer that way and less tedious
10. Fly economy or at least Premium/Business class. Just dress like you downgraded against your will.

Dig deep into those cashmere pockets: