I remember the exact moment my phone rang on the way to work around 05:15 as I drove along the bypass just past Straiton retail park.

Initially my first thought was there’s something wrong or Joey (our dog) isn’t well. To hear the words “I’m pregnant” literally felt like it made the whole world stop for a second, my body frozen and in shock / amazement.

In a flash, everything sped up and back to normal and I started crying.

For some reason I’d had it in my head that I wouldn’t be able to have kids - not really sure why if I’m honest - but this precious moment broke down this fear and it hit me that I was really going to get what I / we always wanted. I was going to be a Dad and we were going to have a family.

I know people tell you not to get too excited or don’t start buying things until further down the line, but I think that’s impossible. Especially when it’s the first time this happens to you and especially when it’s literally everything you ever wanted.

So we went to Asda and bought the baby its first outfit. It was literally the number one thing on our minds all day, every day. But it was exciting, precious and magical.

At first, we were naively excited for the scans - we saw it as an opportunity to see our little baby at various stages of the journey. But in reality it is a meeting to check if your baby is alive, any abnormalities and whether things are progressing as they should be.

We had been for a few scans previously, an early private one and everything seemed fine. Then our first NHS one, we were told baby was slightly too small still, but to not worry and to come back next week. In all honesty it hadn’t crossed our minds that anything was wrong here - again, we were still very excited.

So we went back the following week. I remember the moment sitting in the wee room in East Lothian Community hospital when everything started to click. The smile washed from my face, I felt sick and faint. Something wasn’t right.

Our Sonographer, Jamie, was lovely and his personality and kind approach was warm and welcoming initially. But we could quickly sense his concern and we were sent along the corridor for blood tests - neither of us really spoke much.

The final bit of hope was cruel. We were told they if we didn’t hear anything back from the blood results in a week or so then this was good. In her words “no news is good news”. So when 2 weeks went by, we were hopeful that everything was fine and that our risk of chromosomal abnormalities was low.

However, the following week. As we hit our 16 week mark, we got a call from Fetal Medicine to come in as our baby came back at very high risk for Edward’s or Patau’s syndrome.

From here we had another scan and appointment which confirmed everything and we then had to make a decision - one that everyone thinks won’t happen to them. To continue with the pregnancy or not. Everyone has their own views on this, but whether you’ve been in the situation you really shouldn’t comment.

The following days consisted of medication being taken to “start the process”. And then ultimately, Megan having to give birth. Awake and aware of what was happening.

The process was long, painful and soul destroying. I’ll never forget it. I’ll also never forget the strength Megan displayed and the one positive through all this was I found a whole new level of love for my wife.

Not long after this I also made some of my own personal lifestyle changes which has had a hugely positive impact on my life and made me a better person.

We chose to have a post mortem performed on our baby. Another tricky decision to make. From this we found out our baby was a boy. He had severe abnormalities with his hands, feet and heart and he only had one kidney which was lying far down. We also found out that he didn’t have Patau’s or Edward’s syndrome and instead had Triploidy. Whereby, he had 3 of each chromosome and his chances of survival would have been days, possibly weeks had he made it to full term.

A few months later we were pregnant again. Not being prepared for the anxieties that come with pregnancy after loss. This pregnancy led us to our incredible daughter, Runa - a Norse name meaning “secret moon”.

I feel that everything does happen for a reason; good or bad, happy or sad. We would not have our beautiful little girl and a happy family now had it not been for this traumatic experience and journey. We often say it’s a conflicting cycle. If we hadn’t had lost Leo, we would never have Runa. However, we wouldn’t wish for what we went through on anyone and wished we never had to go through it.

Our first baby was a boy. We named him Leo. Leo, a name meaning strength and bravery.

I’m doing this for him and I’m doing this for all the other mums and dads out there who have experienced baby loss. Unfortunately, it is more common than many of us realise and I only become aware of this sadly when we lost Leo.

We never reached out to a baby loss charity. I guess we never really spoke about it. However, we had people mention Held in Our Hearts to us, many times, and knowing there was someone there we could talk to if we needed it made a big difference.

Your support would be hugely appreciated and if anyone ever wants to reach out and share their story or needs any help/support, I’d be happy to help if I can.

Thank you