Hi i’m Tabs and if you’re reading this then you’ve made it to my fundraising page! I (accompanied by my dad) will be hiking 50km with every step I take in support of BEAT. Beat are an incredible charity dedicated to helping those experiencing eating disorders get the help they need efficiently and all whilst prioritising compassion and care for every person they help.

If you know me then you’ll probably know why i’m doing this, if you don’t then that’s okay too, if you’re interested feel free to read on.

In July 2024 I just wanted to make a change I felt I wasn’t fit enough, my diet wasn’t healthy enough and overall I just wanted to better myself which seemed simple enough.

August came and went, and suddenly it had developed, the food I ate wasn’t pure enough, the calories weren’t low enough and I myself wasn’t skinny enough. By early September I was borderline underweight, but my stomach wasn’t ‘flat enough’, my thighs still touched and were ‘too big’ and even my face felt ‘too round’.

Middway through September and I was dropping 2-3kg a week and by October I was severely underweight it was then that I got diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. I’d lost weight but in the process i’d lost myself too, I was too tired for a witty comeback or to sing along to the Gillette advert I was fading at an obscene rate. I’d gained nothing in this process, I was in assessments every other week, at the doctors every other hour and in the kitchen every other minute. I was a shell of my former self. And then suddenly, it clicked. It was my life to live and I was going to live it.

Recovery wasn’t easy, I cried a LOT, I knackered myself with weekly dietetic, therapy and doctors appointments, I was fed by others, reduced to only move when necessary, I even slept in my parents room because I was terrified I wouldn’t wake up.

It was excruciating not just for me but for the network around me, I watched the grimaces at my shoulder blades, I saw the sad smiles as I fell asleep bloated and clinging to a hot water bottle and the I hated helplessness that overwhelmed them, it was then I realised it wasn't just me anymore anorexia was in everyone around me too.

That's why i'm walking for Beat because I made it out the other side, right now i’m healthy, happy and thriving (if I do say so myself!)

For everyone it’s different but for me anorexia felt indefinite. I can liken it to checking in without knowing when you’ll leave, if you’ll leave or even where the door is if you finally get to go. But the door is there and behind it was the rest of my life, that’s why i’m walking because all those doors deserve to be found, opened and lived.