I've always wanted a big moustache. But I've been too scared to grow one.

Until now. Yes: the Institute of Cancer Research's Tacheback campaign (http://www.tacheback.com) has given me the excuse I need.

It's really simple: during September, I'm joining my sideburns up in the middle with a big comedy Victorian-style moustache. For the privilege of watching me do this, you can bung a quid or two in the direction of a good cause.

I've always been a bit lippy. Now you can put your money where my mouth is. You can also e-mail me: simonsmoustache@mac.com