I'm doing a 10 mile walk from Malvern to Worcester and Sunday 1st July with other peeps from work.

Originally I trained high up in the Alps herding sea monkeys, bench pressing oversized novelty milk cartons and drinking ram's urine but it proved inaffective. So I relocated to Stourport where I had to outrun pikeys trying to nick my trainers or get 10p so they could catch a bus. I also would do a running steal of cheap bottled cider off 15 years olds in the park and have them chase me which proved more effective before they reach the inhebriated state.

This training regime has made the man I am today, that and an intake of 20 packs of tangy toms a day.