My Dad died in September 2020, after a long battle with alcoholism.  He was just 68.  He left two adult children, and four grandchildren. I miss him, and all the lost opportunities every day.

But he was not just an alcoholic, the same as someone who has any other illness should not be defined by one label. Yet it is my experience that alcoholics are often negatively labelled; and their children struggle to receive the help or support they need to cope. There is a shame around alcoholism that does not exist with other illnesses; it often being considered "a choice".  Trust me, nobody would "choose" to end their days as my Dad did.

In death he has made me brave, to be very open about what caused his health issues. Too many children of alcoholics are ashamed to admit the truth; fearing judgment on their loved ones and themselves. This is wrong.

I was very lucky growing up, I loved my Dad and he loved me.  He could be fun to be around, and we maintained a strong relationship until his death. I have many happy memories, and am fiercely protective of him, even in death. I had a close and loving extended family too, and now have a family of my own. I was one of the lucky ones.  But even with all that love and support I have struggled with his alcoholism, both before and after his death. I have been torn between being his biggest critic and his mightiest defender for a long time.

As a child of an alcoholic, I sought ways to help my Dad, often feeling like his parent, from a very young age. Nacoa has taught me that I couldn't cure it, I couldn't control it, and I didn't cause it. It was not my fault that my Dad was never ready to address his alcohol problem; I was not responsible for trying to fix him.  The desire to fix things, help others and control situations is very common in children of alcoholics, and I think most people who know me will recognise these traits.

When my Dad died, I found Nacoa.  I wish I had known about them before.  They have made me realise that the myriad emotions I have about him are OK, helped me understand a bit about what his illness was like for him, and shown me that my brother and I were far from alone in our experience (although we often felt it).

I have completed my speaker training with them, and can now go into schools and other settings to talk about the work they do, share some of my experiences and hopefully make others feel less alone.  2020 saw a 20% increase in alcohol related deaths, and behind so many of these are children of all ages.

I was asked to take part in an ITV documentary in July 2020 - "Are You Drinking Too Much?", a 2022 C4 documentary "Vicky Pattison: My Dad, Alcohol & Me" and have also so far completed both the London Landmarks Half Marathon and a 45km walk through 10 of London's Royal Parks (August 2020). In April 2023 I will take part in the Big Nacoa Walk in the Peak District. 

I have also organised several fundraising events to raise both money and awareness.

My podcast with Dave Wilson "One for the road" (S7 E1) is available for download in all your podcast places.

I'm not stopping.  This page will chart all my various fundraising efforts going forwards.

Amy x

Nacoa (The National Association for Children of Alcoholics) is a Bristol based charity founded in 1990 to provide help and support for everyone affected by a parent’s drinking. They believe that every child has the right to a happy childhood and to live a creative and meaningful life but when drink is the family secret they are more likely to experience family violence, neglect and other problems in their own homes.