See Below for top secret sporting excellence hints and tips…..

Serious bit first, it’s time to start giving something back. BEN is a super charity looking after motor trade people. Take a look at what BEN does for individuals and families - link is opposite...

This is my first ever full-on charity event... I was always told by family that "yer’ eyes are bigger than yer' belly soft lad..” Not sure that's wholly accurate these days given the actual dimensions of my belly but there you go....

The event I picked is the "London to Paris 240 miles in 24 hours” which, as it does go, is a big old challenge!

Ok, so I enjoy cycling, not to a "documentary" level but yeah, great to do a couple of rides a week.... Foolish me thought this was qualification enough to have a go at this challenge.

I have been (trying to) train regularly but recently the realisation of the physical enormity of the task ahead is looming large.   

The first stage is Cycling 100 miles from London to Newhaven docks… the route goes uphill for over 6000 feet!  The South of England is meant to be flat, who put those blooming hills there!  

We have four hours rest on a ferry, and then at 4.00am begin cycling the 140 miles from Dieppe to the Eiffel Tower.  I am, slightly worried to say the least, but ready to give it my best shot!

I have found in my quest for physical perfection a couple of really excellent aids. As you are reading this note with, I hope the intent to donate a bit of cash then I would like to share these crucial tips with you for free, as a gift. I can almost guarantee that these aids will help your performance in any challenge you take up and would normally cost a lot of money in personal trainers and nutritionists.

There is a lot of guff and nonsense written about nutrition in general, scientific drinks, powders, diets and the like. I have found that getting back to basics with natural, organic nutrition is the answer.

WARNING only follow these tips and the secret diet if you are actually exercising -taking on the diet and not exercising may lead to excess girth, wardrobe malfunction and ripped trousers when moving awkwardly.

Meet my secret weapon, the very real, very humble and very northern Pie and Ale diet. (See photos for examples of classic pies and ales that can be consumed, other pies and ales are readily available)

Not many people know that the pie is actually the ideal balanced diet. Encased in energy-giving crust the pie can be meat or fruit or vegetable or, in its best form, a combination of these ingredients providing the ideal rounded meal replete with vitamins, minerals, proteins and carbohydrates.

In addition, pie is the ideal food when cycling... It is shaped (in medium and dinky variants) to perfectly fit into a cycling jersey pocket whereupon when peckish, following hilly exertion, the pie can be easily reached and snaffled on the move! What can be better than nature’s own larder encased in the lovely nutritious pie! My recommendations are for a minimum of one medium pie to a recipe of your choice daily. I am amazed that we do not see pies being consumed by Tour de France riders but no doubt they are being blinded by over complex nutritional theory.

Pie needs ale. (Possibly best not when actually cycling though!) Following a ride, one or two or perhaps three but NEVER more than four bottles of ale replenish the minerals lost through exertion. Handily, ale is also natures perfect organic painkiller helping to ease those sore legs (and bottom after hours on those blooming saddles) best stick to one ale a day excepting Saturdays when ale can be combined with your choice of exotic cuisine to aid dietary needs.... NEVER more than four ales though, especially if cycling the next day…. Pace yourself.

So, if you too fancy taking up a challenge and need to get into perfect physical shape take up the Pie and Ale diet..... Works for me!

Thanks for reading - now can I have some money please!

Andrew

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