It seems crazy to think you could spend so much time thinking about starting a family, trying to start a family, getting the family you dreamed of and then be prepared to walk out on it all because you believe that you are the worst person who could possibly raise your children, and that you are in fact doing them more harm than good by staying.

Well, this is exactly my story. I was first diagnosed with post-natal depression and anxiety (pnd) in August 2016, 10 months after the birth of my first child. I was given the standard response of anti-depressants and told to stay on them until I felt better. I stayed on them until I was 'better' and went on to have another baby in spring of 2018. In hindsight I don't think my pnd really went anywhere so I found myself quickly spiralling downhill through 2018, except this time round, I couldn't really find the words to tell anyone that I was sinking. And so I kept sinking. Not even telling my husband that I was struggling to even do the basic things with two small children. We have no family nearby and so it was quite easy for me to just 'disappear' with no-one really knowing, or making excuses to not meet friends because I was tired (which was true then, and still now!). I also got really good at pretending everything was fine, perhaps a coping mechanism, who knows but it worked, or I thought it did.

It was only at a stay and play in spring 2019 ran by our church at the time, a wonderful lady who served over 30 years as a neo-natal nurse, pulled me aside and said ' I think you need some help'. I was so taken aback and obviously feeling affronted, but also I could have cried with relief that someone could see I had sunk to the bottom. A brief conversation with another mum led me to Acacia and being so desperate, I phoned straightaway and the rest as they say, is history.

Acacia Family Support offers help to mums and families who are suffering from pre and post-natal depression. They believe that no mum/dad should suffer alone. They offer support through one to one befriending, group work sessions using CBT, telephone support and help in the home.

Acacia literally saved my life and my family. Without them, I don't know where I would be today. Is everyday good for me even now? No. Will I be on anti-depressants for the forseeable future? Probably yes. Do I still battle daily with thinking i'm a terrible mum? Absolutely. But now I have the tools to work through all of the above and i'm happy, I know how to ask for help and more importantly, i'm here and present to enjoy my family. Even though sometimes, I could still do with walking out, but that's more for sanity!

Post-natal depression and anxiety is at an all-time high off the back of the pandemic. Can you imagine having a baby and then not being able to see anyone? or go anywhere? All services/groups were stopped or heavily restricted, so literally your only lifelines were all taken away. Even the thought of it to me sounds unbearable, but this was the reality for thousands of parents.

I began cycling with a local HSBC breeze group as a way to manage my mental health, and a nicely timed tax rebate allowed me to buy a bike! I'm not fond of exercise which shocks so many people seeing that I married into a family that does nothing but exercise (and more shockingly, they love it?!) , but i'm a solid fair weather rider-give me a sunny day and a flat route and i'm good. However, I really wanted to do something to give back to Acacia and say 'thank-you', so when this opportunity was presented to me, I really felt it was my now or never moment! And so here we are, just under 3 months away from the biggest physical challenge of my life-cycling 100 miles in 8 hours....as I write it, i'm instantly filled with regret LOL.

If you are still reading, thank you! and if you in any way feel led to give I would be so grateful. Suicide due to post-natal depression is still the biggest killer of new mums, and so this is a really serious illness that can often just be fobbed as the baby blues. It takes lives and destroys families.  If you can, please give to help us keep this service going for so many mums and dads who suffer with pnd. 

We would so love to raise £2000 and that would take 100 people giving £20, but we know times are hard for people and someone is always doing a challenge for a worthy cause. Please, if you can, give what you can.

Thank you!