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On the 19th February 2018, Arlo Sebastian Clack was stillborn at East Surrey Hospital at 33+5 weeks. On the 16th February, the midwives on shift that day had the unenviable task of telling us they could no longer find a heartbeat for our little boy.

For those four days in between, as we were waiting for induction and labour to begin, we were cared for (both emotionally and physically) by the midwives and SANDS team at the hospital. SANDS is a charity which helps and supports parents, their families and friends cope with the loss of a child either through stillbirth or neonatal death.

As anyone can imagine, the loss of child is horrendous enough without having to sit in a maternity or hospital ward, surrounded by other pregnant women and newborns. A separate SANDS room or suite is therefore provided, set apart from the main wards so that grieving parents can have the peace and quiet they need to come to terms with what's happening.

These rooms aren't the usual, clinical and sterile hospital rooms. They provide a safe, calm space for couples. Double beds mean partners can stay together for support. There are en suite facilities, sofas, refreshments and a TV/entertainment to help make the stay more comfortable and to distract and pass the time. Imagine a Travel Lodge or similar setup.

The SANDS room at East Surrey was our cocoon. I can count on one hand the number of times we left that room to be faced with the harshness of life carrying on around us, oblivious. But on an NHS budget, some of the facilities were starting to suffer. Specifically for East Surrey the tiny TV with it's faulty DVD player (our main source of distraction and connection to the outside world).

We would therefore like to try and raise funds in Arlo's memory, to purchase a new TV for the SANDS room at East Surrey hospital. Both as a thank you to the midwives and bereavement team there for looking after us during this terrible time, as well as to help future couples who find themselves going through a similar experience. 

We have asked that any additional funds will also be earmarked for use by the midwives and bereavement team running the SANDS room as they see fit, to help further assist other parents and families coping with the loss of a baby.

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