Thank you for taking the time to visit my fundraising page. No wait - don't go away yet. Relax; sit down; maybe pour yourself something from the cellar. Mmmm....tastes good doesn't it? I prefer the 2007 myself but, hey - each to his own. One man's meat is another man's poison. I'd never let the fact that you can't tell a decent wine from paint stripper get in the way of our relationship.

Anyway - those of you who've known me for many years may be asking "Why, Chris?". (Not "Why Chris?" - after all why not Chris? I don't see why I should be left out. I pay my taxes. How dare you try to exclude me.  That's discrimination that is. We didn't win two world wars with that sort of attitude, I can tell you. People like you take the biscuit, they really do. Honestly - I bet you wouldn't be so self-righteous if I was one of those illegal immigrants, would you? No, thought not.)

But I digress. What I meant was, you may be asking why a man like myself (chiselled good looks, massively virile, possibly showing the first signs of thinning on top) would willingly put himself through the torture of running a marathon? Not walking round the course like a girl, mind - proper running, with special shoes and everything. Well, I've never been one for empty boasting, but the simple answer is that I've achieved absolutely everything else. This is all that's left. I know what you're thinking: "Chris, we know you've done the tree-top assault course at Center Parcs Elveden Forest. You were like some sort of accountancy gibbon that day. You gave it 110% and you made that canopy your own. There's nowhere else to go challenge-wise, surely?" Good point well made. But read on... 

(Ooh, before I forget - can I take this opportunity to put an ugly internet rumour to bed once and for all? Those who know me well will testify to my extreme masculinity; indeed it's been said more than once that an almost sexual aura surrounds me. We all have our crosses to bear and a powerful erotic allure, all but irresistible to 95%-98% of normal women (not the ugly ones), happens to be mine. So, once and for all, let the gainsayers be silenced - I am not motivated by the prospect of running through the streets of Brighton, naked thighs pumping, chest glistening with sweat and the musky scent of testosterone seeping from my pores, whilst crowds of Kemptown-based gentlemen sporting leather straps and gimp masks cheer me on, probably taking the opportunity to fondle my buttocks as I pass. Is that clear? Good - I'm glad we've sorted that out.)

Where was I? Yes - the real reason I am running in the Brighton Marathon on 10th April 2011 is to raise as much money as possible for the Alzheimer's Society, and of course by doing so in a manner that gives my grateful family, friends and clients the opportunity to demonstrate their appreciation of the life-enhancing force that is knowing Christopher Martin, through the greatest gift of all - cash.

Why the Alzheimers's Society? My lovely grandmother died in May 2010 having suffered from Alzheimer's disease for a number of years. As well as being a member of that select band of women whose total tally of children is double their height in feet (she had eight and was very, very short), until her later years she was lively, alert and had a great sense of humour. The saddest aspect of Alzheimer's is its capacity to destroy the sufferer's personality, as well as their physical capabilities. It was no different in my grandmother's case, although it was made easier to deal with as her large family all helped with her care. Many relatives of Alzheimer's sufferers have to cope alone however, and that must be incredibly difficult as the husband or wife or parent they once knew gradually disappears to be replaced by a stranger.  Much of the work done by the Alzheimer's Society is therefore concerned with helping those left behind cope. A very worthy cause I hope you'll agree.

Why the Brighton Marathon, Chris? Another perceptive question - quite the Magnus Magnusson today, aren't we? My grandmother was born there and most of my huge family still live in Sussex (albeit the pleasant, monied West side, not the East bit which includes Brighton and is where all the scuffers live these days) so that's why I'm doing this particular run.

This is a challenge and I'm doing it properly - I've just done (early December 2010) my first four half marathon distances in around 2hrs 10mins so I'm hoping to eventually do the full one in somewhat less than 4.5 hours. I've shed around 1.5 stones so far (or 9.5254 kg for those of you in yoke to the European federal dream) and Leah tells me my lovemaking has gone from embarrassingly inept to verging on the barely adequate so that's an unexpected positive.

I would be hugely grateful for any sponsorship you feel able to offer. That's a mere platitude of course. Donors whom I consider have given inadequately, after due consideration of their personal financial situations, will be included in an internet and national newspaper-based name and shame campaign. Fair? Possibly not, but who said life was fair? If it was, my brothers would be as good-looking as me and they're not. 

Clients - I know who's got the money. Tax liabilities can go up as well as down. It only takes a second to press the wrong button. 

Family members - I've spent the past 25 years having to explain that no, I really am the youngest despite having no hair. Surely that emotional trauma deserves a little something?

Friends - the reason I got fat was because of the countless hours I've spent drinking beer with you lot. Come on now - dig deep.

Thank you for reading and thank you for donating. You're a star, really you are.