It was 3:37am when I awoke. My heart was racing and I was sweating and I just needed to ‘get up and get out’ was the feeling that was overcoming me. 

I had never felt like this before. 

I got out of bed and was pacing round and round the room. I could not stop myself. My hands clammy. 

Was this a heart attack? What is wrong? 

I got changed into my running gear and headed out for a run at 4am. My brain was telling me you just need to ‘escape’/‘get out’. I started running and the tears started. The emotion was overwhelming. I had no idea what was happening to me or what I was doing. 

I was 30 years old. I had a successful business, a lovely home, lots of money in the bank, a beautiful and caring wife and two young perfect children. 

‘I had it all’ in terms of what I would have described my situation. 

Why was this happening to me, why am I feeling Iike this? I rang my wife, Mum and my my brothers. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I just could not take it anymore, keep going was the feeling I was having. 

I had burnt myself out mentally. My mind went into shut down mode to protect itself. 

I spent the next week away with my family and my Mum.

For such an ‘out going’ person to be sitting at a table with my head down and not speaking was scary. 

I was there in body but not in mind. 

I was a ‘yes’ man. Indestructible. 

Nothing can touch me. 

Look at me and how good I am. I can do anything. I am CK

I needed help. I had a great wife but I did not discuss any of the ‘bad’ things that were going on on my life. I felt I was protecting her in some way by not doing so. I am the husband, the man of the house, I have to deal with these things. Why do I need to burden anyone else. 

I did not talk to my brothers or friends as why should they listen to me whine on! This is me, I can do it all. These are my problems. I am not weak.

In the end I had to accept that I am not indestructible. I can’t do it on my own. I have people I can talk to. 

‘Who died and made you Superman’  

This was a quote from my therapist which I think about everyday. 

You are not alone. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. 

Accept there is something wrong. Get help. Don’t feel embarrassed or proud. Talk to someone, write an e mail/send a text/WhatsApp to someone if you can’t talk. 

We have a great support system around us and are very lucky in Northern Ireland. People need to know. 

My wife who I now ‘talk to’ is there for me no matter what. She understands me. Recognises the signs of ‘it’ creeping up. 

I don’t need to carry it all on my shoulders anymore. I have a partner and best friend who will listen and help. 

My kids understand now. I used to tell them. ‘Daddy is not feeling good’ They now know the reasons why. We talk about mental health as a family. They see it, recognise it. We are teaching them the skills now to deal with it now. 

My friends and family understand and are supportive. Again we talk about it. It’s ok to do so.

My GP who was there for me and who I will always be thankful for is now one of my closest friends was there to help. There to just listen. There are medications and therapies to help. 

Everyone is wired differently Chemical imbalances in the brain. Personalities. 

‘It will not and does not ever go away that ‘feeling’. It can come out of nowhere. You can be sitting in the best hotel/restaurant in the world or lying in bed in the still of the night when it comes over you. This is a daunting feeling I know but you now have the understanding how to deal with it. The people to talk to. The support group around you. The medication to take. You recognise its there and it’s trying to take over but it can’t now. You are in control. 

‘YOU ARE NOT ALONE’ would be my final quote if I was to be asked. 

My Mum named me well as ‘Superman’ but I have learnt now everyone has their Kryptonite!

Mental health is very scary and it’s getting worse. The supersonic world we now live in does not help. The expectations of who we are supposed to be. What we have to do. What people expect from us. I see it everyday around me in the faces of strangers, family and friends. You can just tell ‘something is not right’. 

I want to do my small part in this beautiful world to help the people that I know need help. 

For this reason I am doing a skydive 🪂 on Friday 28th May at 9am (The same day Topgun 2 is released 😎😆) to raise money and awareness for Action Mental Health and for this great cause. 

https://www.skydiveclub.ie/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIuMa52eWG9wIVjd_tCh0dRAgLEAAYASAAEgLtJPD_BwE

I know there are so many charities out there and probably like myself your  thinking ‘here we go again, another person looking money for another charity. Same old same old’.

With coming through Covid and the cost of living increasing and the ‘Mental’ pressure you are under I really get that. 

Please just give if you can. Even a small amount makes a big difference as lots of small amounts can turn into a big amount. 

Let’s take this Mental Health issue on and get awareness and help out to as many people as we can.