Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

My story begins on 29th December 2014 when my youngest daughter Scarlett was born. A wonderful day that completed my family with my partner Odette and my eldest daughter Ruby. Within 24 hours, my life was turned upside down with a call from my distraught brother asking me to come as quick as possible as my nephew had found our dad and thinks he was having a heart attack. (I can’t imagine his trauma).

I reached my parents house to find my dad on the floor and started CPR immediately as the paramedics came in the front door. We worked on my dad for well over an hour trying to get a pulse and just as hope was beginning to fade, a very faint out of sync pulse was felt and the paramedics did an awesome job of securing him and getting him from home to intensive care.

He was in intensive care for two weeks and the specialists were doing all they could to help however, it appears his left side of his heart had suffered too much of a severe attack that the muscle was no more. My mum had to make the awful decision and we let our dad pass peacefully - Not without a fight though as the stubborn git held on for two days!!!

Ever since the day he took his last breath, I have felt guilt and shame that I didn't do enough to save him! What if I got there earlier? should I have done more? What could I have done in those two weeks to help him? I can do anything, I can help anyone... or so I thought but, the one man I loved and admired from a baby couldn't be saved. How useless am I? What son couldn't be there and save his dad? What good am I to anyone? Wallow in self pity, after all he's done for you in your life, you couldn't be there for him when he needed it, oh and on top of that, not being there for my partner and new born baby in their time of need BUT, what an amazing woman Odette is, she dealt with having just given birth and supporting me and my family..... That's what goes through my mind selfishly on a daily basis!!

I had seen a Counsellor shortly after but, that was absolutely useless to someone like me as they offered me nothing. My family have never been able to help and not for the want of trying. My mum has seen me live this and also feels guilty at me being there bless her. Some have said it's PTSD as performing this kind of action on your own loved one is supposedly different to performing it on someone you don't know. I just had to do something before it destroyed me and my family and in January 2023, Odette found this wonderful charity - Strongmen and she just knew, this is my ticket to dealing with this burden I have created!

Reading their website, Bio's and what they offer is truly a spark that has ignited life back into me and making me look forward to dealing with this monkey that's hanging over me!

It's solely dedicated to men over 18 giving it a niche market that looks to provide and cater for those of us who struggle to deal with emotions of grief. Going to a counsellor in a dark room is not for everyone, not attending large group meetings with others is also not for everyone and neither is being in the vicinity of the opposite sex talking about grief and emotion. You have to find something that works or could work for you and Strongmen is definitely the one for me!

Strongmen rely entirely on donations and every little helps. I have been fortunate and lucky enough to have been selected to attend their exclusive weekend retreat on June 16th-18th 2023 to participate in a well being and bonding exercise to hopefully overcome dealing with my grief and trauma and will be climbing Mount Snowdon amongst other activities and for this, I would like to raise money to contribute to their funding whereby they can continue to help others like me. To spur me on even more, I am looking to combine a goal of losing at least two stone in weight, getting fit and climbing Snowdon so future men can benefit from the support that Strongmen creates for men like me who prefer to deal with like minded people in this current climate.

I appreciate you reading this and if possible no matter how small, any contribution will be gratefully accepted and appreciated.