Thanks for taking the time to visit my just giving page...

As many will be aware i suffered an ectopic pregnancy 4 weeks ago, i suffer from endometrosis i have for 8.5 years! Me and my husband have been trying for 7 years to have a baby, i lost 2 stone and went to bootcamp, walked miles , and pt sessions i was training 6 days a week! Then i had to do a test because  i was late, felt sickly and lower back was sore, i wasnt expecting the test to be positive because they were always negative, this time it had 2 lines, i couldnt believe it, i ran downstairs to mattie and i cried am pregnant mattie look, from then on in, we never stopped smiling, and we were so excited :) obviously due to the endo i had to have checks, so i went to have a early scan, nothing was found so i was told oh you will be to early we will do bloods, your lining is very thick! So anyway i was having pains for a good week and i thought nothing of it, thought oh its endo ill deal with it! Anyway long story short i i had another scan and internal there was nothing :( the midwifes were very concerned and she said if you have pains come in emma its important! So the day after i rang the ward and they told me to go in, little did i no it was the beginning of the worst time of our lives! So it was late they admitted me and sent mattie home at 12am, so the dr came to see me at 2.30am, he was very concerned and placed me nill by mouth, also hooked me up to drips i had 3 litre bags to keep me going, the next day 2 surgeons came to see me and told me they were very sorry but they need to operate because am at risk, this is all i remember as i blanked out, i wanted mattie, he walked in and helped me into my gown and teds, i was very anxious, the anethatist came and had a laugh with me, anyway the time came the midwife came and said emma your up now, i clung to mattie and broke down telling him not to leave me, then we decided he left because i wouldnt go, i looked back at him looking through the doors! I was sobbing, got the theatre and calmed down a bit, they knew i was extrmely nervous, so they settled me and they said emma can i just say your remarkable being upbeat to make our job easy when your going through all this! Then i got something into my arm instantly i felt wired and i said ee it feels like am drunk lol they replied without the hangover , got more and room was spinning, then the mask went on and i remember trying to keep my eyes open.... then i woke up with a lady sat looking at me in recovery, i had a mask on and i litrally flipped out of bed ripping my mask of, i dont respond well to coming round.. so they had to make me lie down... i went back to the ward and i kept sleeping as i was wheeled back, so i was placed onto my bed and the midwife emma and abbi they were lush, they were there and abbi held my hand and i had mask on still, i said through the mask is my baby ok? She said am so sorry emma they had to take your tube you were going to rupture! I took my mask off and i broke down, i cried nooooo, nooooo said cuddled me, they all knew what it meant, anyway mattie and his mam turned up, i was sleepy but mattie stroked my head and i woke up, i grabbed him and cried they took our babyyy they took our baby mattie, and my tube :'( mattie craddled me, mattie then went to speak to the midwifes and his mam cuddled me and said am so sorry emm! I wasnt much company as u can imagine.. anyway hannah came down from her ward and braught me some goodies she helped me and cheered me up, she had to go back to her ward, so i slept whilst waking up to reply to messages... next morning drs came and said am so so sorry emma we had to take your baby and tube, your right tube was also operated on due to it being stuck to my ovary and embedded into womb! Anyway i wasnt myself , then it hit me when a lady with a massive bump walked past my room, i broke down, i was heartbroken! I have been left feeling numb, lost , angry at myself , endo and everything , pained from surgery, restless , and i look into the mirror and think why? Why did we have to suffer like this? I will never get over this.. but maybe in time ill learn to deal with the pain and anger!! I dont appriciate people saying oh its good to see your smiling and over it.. im not its still raw very raw, am in recovering and its effected me badly, i need councelling, i cant sleep at night, i cry daily and i feel like my hearts been ripped into a million pieces, i have always had everything organised from pram to names, katie if a girl , luke if a boy and of was twin boys ronnie and reggie :) now i have no hope, i feel shattered, i shut myself of and get angry, when am out and about i see a baby and i freeze and stare and get emotional! I will never ever no what my baby would of looked like, i will never hold my babys hand or cuddle them, regards if my baby was in my womb or my tube it was still my baby! So i have signed up to do etp 1000 challenge, to give something back to this amazing charity, i will walk 1000 miles maybe more in a year! This will also help channel my anger and help me cope with the horrendous situation :'( 

Please sponsor me.. it would mean the world to me knowing i have such amazing support! Love u all... 😘💋💔💔💔💔💙💙💙💙💙💜💜💜💜💜 thank you xx