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annalarke@hotmail.com - email me any time xxxx

As some of you may be aware, I've been through rather a public court case to do with Domestic Violence.

As well as the physical violence, I was subjected to emotional, verbal and mental abuse.To my relief he was found guilty of Harrassment.

Every single week two women are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales.

Even if you slightly suspect you are being abused please visit REFUGE's website www.refuge.org.uk to find out more about domestic violence.

Also please go to www.1in4women.com
This is the website REFUGE set up with Avon for anyone who’s worried that a friend or family member may be experiencing domestic violence. The site is full of information on how to spot the warning signs and how to support someone who’s being abused. It is the only website of its kind, offering support specifically to friends/family members and it is an extremely useful resource.

In an emergency please dial 999

Northern Ireland Women's Aid 24 Hour Domestic Violence Helpline: 028 9033 1818

Scottish Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0800 027 1234

Wales Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 80 10 800

If you are a man experiencing domestic violence or you want to call on behalf of a male friend or relative, you can contact the Male Advice & Enquiry Line: 0845 064 6800 or ManKind

Perpetrators of domestic violence who want help can contact Respect, the UK association for domestic violence perpetrator programmes: 0845 122 8609

What are the signs of abuse?

If you are forced to change your behaviour because you are frightened of your partner then YOU ARE BEING ABUSED. 

If you are experiencing any of the following then it’s likely that YOU ARE BEING ABUSED

• Is your partner jealous and possessive?
• Do they cut you off from family and friends and try to isolate you?
• Are they charming one minute and abusive the next? Do they have sudden changes of mood  – like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?
• Do they control your life – for example, your money, who you should see, what you should wear?
• Do they monitor your movements?
• Do they blame you for the abuse?
• Do they humiliate or insult you in front of others?
• Do they verbally abuse you?
• Do they constantly criticise you?
• Do they use anger and intimidation to frighten you and make you comply with their demands?
• Do they tell you you're useless and couldn’t cope without them?
• Have they threatened to hurt you or people close to her if you leave?
• Do you change your behaviour to avoid making them angry?
• Do they force you to have sex when she you don't want to?

There are many different ways of being abusive. Here are a few examples:

• Damaging your possessions
• Smashing up the furniture
• Threatening to harm or kill your pets
• Threatening to kidnap or get custody of the children if you leave
• Locking you out of the house during an argument
• Terrorising you by driving fast or through red lights at high speed because they know it frightens you

The aim of the behaviour, whether conscious or unconscious – is to take control of YOUR life. Domestic violence is an abuse of power – it’s all about power and control.

Research 

Research released by Refuge highlights a worrying lack of awareness amongst women of the techniques used by violent men to control women*. The research shows that:

• 81% of women said they received no information about domestic violence when they were at school and yet nearly all of them would have liked to have had lessons about domestic violence
• 95% of respondents recognised physical abuse as domestic violence but only a quarter of respondents understood the more subtle techniques of control such as jealousy and possessiveness as indicators of domestic violence
• Approximately a quarter of all the women questioned had experienced jealousy and possessiveness in an intimate partner relationship
• 50% of respondents said they had experienced at least one of the warning signs
• Of this 50% only one fifth of respondents said they would talk to someone about the abuse – and if they were to talk to someone about their experiences, friends - followed by family - were the most trusted confidantes

* Yougov research, sample size 513, 18-21 year old women, 15-21 July 2008

Refuge and Red Magazine Speak Up, Save a Life campaign calls for
every police force in the country to work with enough Independent
Domestic Violence Advocates to ensure that women who
are at high risk of being harmed or killed by their partner or ex-partner in the force’s location are given essential support.

Please take two minutes to sign the petition: www.redonline.co.uk/
savealife. Please forward to your family, friends and colleagues

Sandra Horley CBE, chief executive of national domestic violence charity Refuge, said:

“Whilst Refuge is pleased to see that Justin Lee Collins was found guilty of harassment causing fear of violence we are disappointed with the sentence.  Awarding a mere 140 hours of community service and payment of £3,500 in prosecution costs does not send a strong public message that domestic violence, or threat of violence, is as serious as any other violent crime.   Derisory sentences such as this simply reflect the need for further training to increase understanding of domestic violence and its impact – domestic violence kills two women a week.   Until the courts give sentences that fit the crime, men like Justin Lee Collins will get away with campaigns of terror and thousands of women, like Anna, will continue to be at risk.”

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