My name is Esme, I am 16 years old and I suffer from Anorexia. Before, I will admit I was unaware of the reality of eating disorders and assumed the many stereotypes there are around them. They aren't a choice or a diet you can stop whenever, they aren’t pretty and easy to live with, they are deadly. They don't just affect girls, you don't always lose weight, and there are more eating disorders than anorexia. I could go on but it’s safe to say that there is more to what you may think an eating disorder is. Below, is my story only showing a snippet of my battle, which you are welcome to read, as well as skip past if you may find it distressing.

I had always been a worrier and conscious of the way I looked; I cried when I had to get weighed in year 6, and I avoided certain foods that I thought were ‘bad’. My idea of ‘healthy’ was dieting and weight loss, and I was obsessed with the idea. In year 8, was the beginning of my eating disorder. I attempted to lose weight through various harmful methods because I thought it would make me feel better, but when it didn’t seem to work like the internet had promised, I felt disgusting, unworthy, fat. I made my own set of rules: more exercising, and less than X amount of calories a day. I did begin to lose weight and as I stepped on the scale each morning and saw the number drop, I became more and more obsessed with it, so my list of rules got longer and more extreme. I was in year 9 now, counting calories obsessively and weighing everything precisely so I could work out what was in it. As the year went on I became more secretive, hiding food, lying to the people around me, restricting massively in the lead up to a meal, exercising excessively even though my body was exhausted. I started to get defensive and shout at the people around me when they asked why I wouldn’t eat with them, or what I was doing. I would work out the calories in the meals around me, just to reassure myself that I was eating the least. 
I reached the ‘goal weight’ I originally had in mind but my automatic thought was: ‘Why don’t I lose some more?’ That is what is so dangerous about eating disorders. No matter how little I ate, I felt compelled to eat less. No matter how low my weight was, I wanted it to be lower.
It took its toll on my body; I was constantly cold, my hair was falling out and my lips, hands and feet were blue, my heart rate was dropping, my bones became completely weak. I was pushing everybody away, never going out or seeing friends, I gave up the things I love and became more and more obsessed with food, I couldn’t think about anything else, because nothing else mattered to me anymore. I reached the point where my skin went yellow as my organs were preparing to shut down. Yet, I still wanted to lose more weight.



Every 62 minutes at least one person dies as a direct result of an eating disorder. Something needs to change. 

I am now in recovery from my anorexia and something that motivated me to do so was to help others know they aren't alone. Lets make sure that the people around us know we are there for them, and that they can talk to us without judgement, because feeling alone, doesn't mean you are. 

As I said, I am in recovery, and spreading my message that life is just too short, and you are in control of how you live it. Anyone is welcome to message me to know more about how I accessed help and began to recover from my mental illnesses, as I would be more than happy to help.

I don't just suffer with an eating disorder, but it was my eating disorder that I didn't seek help with, and it was almost too late. I am so lucky to have received the care that I did that saved my life, but not everyone is, and that is what Beat is trying its hardest to change.  They are an incredible charity that do so much for both sufferers and carers, and deserve the recognition for all they do, so if you can, please donate either in person or online. You could save a life.

This page has just been set up if anyone would like to donate, but there is no obligation. 

I cannot say it enough, to everyone who supported me, thank you X