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When the bottom of your world drops out from two simple words what do you do? 

Two simple words that you don’t even know about? 

Two simple words that are going to try and control my life! 

At the beginning of May 2018 I started a new job, 10 days in and I was so excited of what the future held, but then at 26 years of age I went numb from my upper torso down to my toes. Having no clue what this was, panic started to set in. The NHS was brilliant and so supportive throughout my stay. Through the tubes you go, a lumbar puncture, steroids, then it’s a waiting game. Not knowing if your going to get the feeling back? What was I going to tell my daughter. 13 days later I had full “normal” feeling, OMG yes I was out of it! 2 days of normality and I thought I was past it all! How wrong was I. The sudden pain of pins and needles through my arms and legs, I went back to my doctors who issued medication. I couldn’t adjust I was in so much pain. The dreaded waiting game of my results wasn’t making it any easier. It came and those two words came out it’s Multiple Sclerosis. In my head I just wanted a action plan what’s next? Disease Modifying Drugs, pain relief, Anti convulsants, Anti depressants. I had to take it all in. Spoke about additional symptoms, you’ve relapsed again!! I just wanted to be able to predict and control this, it’s in my body why can’t I? I made future appointments and made my way to the exit, the corridor seemed never ending, I exited the hospital and just broke and collapsed to the floor. It’s okay not to be okay. Further down the line more tests, appointments, physiotherapy, hydrotherapy, MS Nurses. It is so over stretched yet we are all still struggling. Multiple sclerosis is a progressive neurological disease, your immune system mistakenly attacks your myelin shaft which protects your spinal cords! Only I could pick a fight with my own body and lose! Not on my watch I will never cure it but it will never define me. 

I’ve always stood by a saying you cannot control the cards you were dealt but you can control how you play them! MS is a invisible Illness in most people, so it goes around so unknown.