Story
The 20th of October marks Seven years since Reena left us. I will be spending the day as I usually do, away from my day to day life, thinking about whats changed over the past seven years and the times we shared together.
The London Marathon
The 20th of October is also the day that begins my fundraising journey for the charity Children with Cancer (CwC) by running the London Marathon on the 22nd of April 2018.
Those who know me, will know I enjoy running so getting a place on the London marathon is a fantastic opportunity. I also feel privileged to run for CwC; It gives me a chance to help raise their profile over the next 6 Months, I wanted to begin by speaking briefly about my experience of losing a younger sibling to cancer.
Seven years ago today I lost my younger sister to cancer.
It began with a phone call in Nottingham from my Dad asking me to come back home as Reena had been taken into hospital. I remember thinking at that moment, that things weren't right. One of the guys drove up from Coventry and took me home. I got out of the car and remember arriving at Coventry and Warwick hospital, pausing for a second, then going in and my life changing forever.
What followed was a series of diagnosis’, complications, different treatments and a range of subsequent side effects.
I needed to make sure I was strong and positive around Reena and despite the initial shock, I found it quite easy to be positive. I drew on the fact that, unfortunate yet comforting cancer now affects 50% of the population. Our situation isn't uncommon and there was no reason to not hold onto the hope of getting through this.
As the time went on however, it became more difficult to hold onto my positivity along side my normal life/routine and the reality set it that we might not be as lucky as some families.
A series of difficult decisions followed, late nights, less and less sleep, and lots of tears. It ground me down physically and mentally. I found the days got a lot longer, a lot more difficult and a lot darker.
During the latter days, there was a period where I remember sitting down, realising that this was the beginning of a new life, one that would be filled with immense sadness and it would be a long long time before I could get back to some sort of new normality again.
I can remember the 20th October seven years ago even clearer. Every minute of it. Every person, and how they reacted. I still feel that raw emotion consuming me uncontrollably. I also knew it would engulf my life and affect every decision I would make for many years to come.
For years, I boxed up my emotions and as the years went on it began to have an impact on my mental health. Once the initial shock of loss has subsided and it stopped being the focus of conversations I felt anger, I thought people were forgetting, so I tried to draw the attention back onto Reena via social media, events etc, because I couldn't deal with people moving on so quickly.
After a short period I found myself continuing life as normal, I found a job within two weeks which made me realise I had to adjust to a new sort of normal. Normal questions and trivial events became unbearable. Going to a restaurant and ordering a table for 3, knowing it wasn't that long ago it was a table for 4. Not giving or receiving birthday cards and now being responsible for mothers and fathers days cards; these little things began to have quite a profound inpact on me.
My behaviours became exaggerated, I used every opportunity to gain attention, I was snappy, erratic, cold, uncompromising and often looking for conflict. I was fighting for a new identity, one that couldn't be hurt by anything.
This delayed my ability to cope with what had happened to me for at least two to three years. This caused an even longer period of loneliness, insecurity and asking the question why no one was helping/understanding or talking to me about it. I lashed out at those closest to me in anger. I believed everyone had a lack of appreciation for what I was going through.
Losing a sister had a massive impact on my life, its fundamentally changed me, brought some friendships closer, and distanced me from others. Its changed our family, affected everyday life decisions and still causes immense sadness on a day to day basis.
Why Children with Cancer and what to they do?
Although what I have written is still incredibly difficult for me to talk about, I am aware that we, as a family are not alone.
My experience has given me an awareness of how difficult it can be for families in similar situations. I want to do my bit to raise as much money as possible for a fantastic charity doing a lot of work to reduce the pain so many families go through (whilst dragging my legs round a 26.2mile run around London).
Children with Cancer are a charity focused on fighting cancer for children. Their goal is to improve the survival rates for children through research and finding ways to reduce the causes of cancer.
They currently have 50 research centres around the UK. These centers focus on looking at less toxic ways of treating cancer for children and look at the more difficult forms of cancer that have associated complications or are slightly rarer.
They are a wonderful charity and more information can be found on there website here https://www.childrenwithcancer.org.uk/
Training/Times/Donations and Parties
If your also a runner/want to get involved with my training for this. I will be running the following races. Please do feel free to join in on any/all of these!
18th November Coventry 10k
The 20th of October is also the day that begins my fundraising journey for the charity Children with Cancer (CwC) by running the London Marathon on the 22nd of April 2018.
Those who know me, will know I enjoy running so getting a place on the London marathon is a fantastic opportunity. I also feel privileged to run for CwC; It gives me a chance to help raise their profile over the next 6 Months, I wanted to begin by speaking briefly about my experience of losing a younger sibling to cancer.
Seven years ago today I lost my younger sister to cancer.
It began with a phone call in Nottingham from my Dad asking me to come back home as Reena had been taken into hospital. I remember thinking at that moment, that things weren't right. One of the guys drove up from Coventry and took me home. I got out of the car and remember arriving at Coventry and Warwick hospital, pausing for a second, then going in and my life changing forever.
What followed was a series of diagnosis’, complications, different treatments and a range of subsequent side effects.
I needed to make sure I was strong and positive around Reena and despite the initial shock, I found it quite easy to be positive. I drew on the fact that, unfortunate yet comforting cancer now affects 50% of the population. Our situation isn't uncommon and there was no reason to not hold onto the hope of getting through this.
As the time went on however, it became more difficult to hold onto my positivity along side my normal life/routine and the reality set it that we might not be as lucky as some families.
A series of difficult decisions followed, late nights, less and less sleep, and lots of tears. It ground me down physically and mentally. I found the days got a lot longer, a lot more difficult and a lot darker.
During the latter days, there was a period where I remember sitting down, realising that this was the beginning of a new life, one that would be filled with immense sadness and it would be a long long time before I could get back to some sort of new normality again.
I can remember the 20th October seven years ago even clearer. Every minute of it. Every person, and how they reacted. I still feel that raw emotion consuming me uncontrollably. I also knew it would engulf my life and affect every decision I would make for many years to come.
For years, I boxed up my emotions and as the years went on it began to have an impact on my mental health. Once the initial shock of loss has subsided and it stopped being the focus of conversations I felt anger, I thought people were forgetting, so I tried to draw the attention back onto Reena via social media, events etc, because I couldn't deal with people moving on so quickly.
After a short period I found myself continuing life as normal, I found a job within two weeks which made me realise I had to adjust to a new sort of normal. Normal questions and trivial events became unbearable. Going to a restaurant and ordering a table for 3, knowing it wasn't that long ago it was a table for 4. Not giving or receiving birthday cards and now being responsible for mothers and fathers days cards; these little things began to have quite a profound inpact on me.
My behaviours became exaggerated, I used every opportunity to gain attention, I was snappy, erratic, cold, uncompromising and often looking for conflict. I was fighting for a new identity, one that couldn't be hurt by anything.
This delayed my ability to cope with what had happened to me for at least two to three years. This caused an even longer period of loneliness, insecurity and asking the question why no one was helping/understanding or talking to me about it. I lashed out at those closest to me in anger. I believed everyone had a lack of appreciation for what I was going through.
Losing a sister had a massive impact on my life, its fundamentally changed me, brought some friendships closer, and distanced me from others. Its changed our family, affected everyday life decisions and still causes immense sadness on a day to day basis.
Why Children with Cancer and what to they do?
Although what I have written is still incredibly difficult for me to talk about, I am aware that we, as a family are not alone.
My experience has given me an awareness of how difficult it can be for families in similar situations. I want to do my bit to raise as much money as possible for a fantastic charity doing a lot of work to reduce the pain so many families go through (whilst dragging my legs round a 26.2mile run around London).
Children with Cancer are a charity focused on fighting cancer for children. Their goal is to improve the survival rates for children through research and finding ways to reduce the causes of cancer.
They currently have 50 research centres around the UK. These centers focus on looking at less toxic ways of treating cancer for children and look at the more difficult forms of cancer that have associated complications or are slightly rarer.
They are a wonderful charity and more information can be found on there website here https://www.childrenwithcancer.org.uk/
Training/Times/Donations and Parties
If your also a runner/want to get involved with my training for this. I will be running the following races. Please do feel free to join in on any/all of these!
18th November Coventry 10k
10th December Milton Keynes Half Marathon
25th February Brighton Half Marathon
Il also be doing the Park runs in Finsbury Park and Couch End periodically.
In order to raise further money I will also be looking to hold a quiz night in Central London. The date and Venue is TBC.
For those who want to come down on the day, there will be a small group of people watching near the finish line I will circulate details nearer the time. We will also be having a celebratory drink somewhere near by.
Donate
Despite this being a relatively sad post, I am glad to express that now, 7 years on I find my self feeling less sadness and anger and more about the happy memories I shared with Reena in the 16 years she was with us; Fighting for the biggest sweets, best place on the sofa in the car or on the train. Forgetting mothers day and trying to make a last ditch present. Singing on the way to Cornwall for a family holiday.
Over these seven years I have wrestled with both memories, pure happiness and extreme sadness, and to this day I'm not sure I have got the balance right, but It’s definitely getting easier.
Hopefully all your kind donations and my attempt at trawling myself around 26.2 miles in a reasonable time can help other families find a healthy mental balance sooner, or help CwC find a cure for the disease sooner.
25th February Brighton Half Marathon
Il also be doing the Park runs in Finsbury Park and Couch End periodically.
In order to raise further money I will also be looking to hold a quiz night in Central London. The date and Venue is TBC.
For those who want to come down on the day, there will be a small group of people watching near the finish line I will circulate details nearer the time. We will also be having a celebratory drink somewhere near by.
Donate
Despite this being a relatively sad post, I am glad to express that now, 7 years on I find my self feeling less sadness and anger and more about the happy memories I shared with Reena in the 16 years she was with us; Fighting for the biggest sweets, best place on the sofa in the car or on the train. Forgetting mothers day and trying to make a last ditch present. Singing on the way to Cornwall for a family holiday.
Over these seven years I have wrestled with both memories, pure happiness and extreme sadness, and to this day I'm not sure I have got the balance right, but It’s definitely getting easier.
Hopefully all your kind donations and my attempt at trawling myself around 26.2 miles in a reasonable time can help other families find a healthy mental balance sooner, or help CwC find a cure for the disease sooner.