My name is Michael Murphy. I am proud to take part in the Mighty Stride Kiltwalk from Dundee to St Andrews, 20 miles, to raise much needed funds for Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre, 23^rd August, 2023. Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre, as well as agencies around the country, offer an inclusive and confidential, support, information, and advocacy service for anyone over the age of 13, who have been affected by sexual violence.

I’m taking part in the hike to raise as much money as possible for the crucial, though underfunded, services provided by Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre. But my primary purpose is different. I would like to use this platform to encourage men who have been victims of sexual violence to engage with such services. My motivation for this, is that for over 35 years I have met so many men who had been abused as a child, but who had been fearful of exploring its chaotic effects on their lives and their relationships.

Sexual violence, can lead to, among other issues, underachievement at school and later at work, self-medication which leads to alcoholism or drug dependency, poor self-image, extremely poor decision-making, suicidal ideation, and a poor understanding of ‘healthy relationships’. These all lead toward self-destructive behavior and the destruction of otherwise healthy relationships. I am not writing here as a clinician. I know this because I am a victim and survivor of six years of sexual violence as a child.

The effect of sexual violence on my life, I am now 56, meant that for such a long time it was my reaction to the injustice of these events, and not Me, as the therapist Phil Stutz wrote, that put the next pearl onto the string of my life. I was a walking disaster waiting to happen and destroyed everything good that came into my life. But I have come to know that I can choose who puts the next pearl on the string of my life.

I was a victim of the sexual abuse that occurred to me as a child for nearly 45 years. Because of the fear of partners finding out about how I was abused, I had destroyed every relationship that I had. But I did meet a wonderful woman who is now my wife. She taught me
about gentleness and love. We married and I had become reasonably successful in my professional life. But I was still, in my heart and head, a young boy being abused. Then someone forcefully dragged me back to the depths of the abuse. And, because I was still stuck in the inescapable maze of victimhood, I was willing to lose everything because that’s what I thought I deserved.  

Then I decided that I had had enough, I wanted my life back. Now, I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a child. There are good days, there are bad days, and there is self-work to do, but that’s life. It has meant the undertaking of a painful, difficult but exciting journey of stepping outside of the maze of self-destructive thinking and acting.

If you choose to reach out to services such as Forth Valley Rape Crisis Centre, you will be incredibly brave. Such services offer you the hope of stepping outside of the maze of self-destruction and to choose your own path. Do not expect miracles. This is a process, it will take time, but if you, not the therapist, commit yourself to your own development, it will be you that gets to choose what will be the next pearl on the string of your life.

There is a broader issue at stake here. And that is men being able, and feeling secure enough to talk about their emotions.