“To think ‘if only’… It’s exhausting and serves no purpose”. That’s the one thing I took with me following my first session with my Counsellor Jan. This was back in March last year, following the death of our son Corey. I’d returned to work a few months prior to this, thinking that I had to get back to some sense of normality. However, despite the support of those around me I couldn’t cope with the over whelming feeling of loss. John was struggling to keep his business afloat in the midst of dealing with this nightmare and I didn’t want to burden him even more with how I was feeling. I reluctantly went to speak to my GP.
He put me in touch with Scottish Families, a relatively new charity supporting families of people affected by drugs and alcohol and they offered bereavement support. I had sought counselling not long after Corey died, but did not have a good experience. The woman I met with was lovely, but it felt that she was merely reading from a pre prepared text. I felt even worse.
When Corey died, we were totally blind sided. I can’t fully explain just how painful this journey has been for our family. We all miss him so much, his laughter, kindness and sense of fun! We’d always been open and honest with our children and trusted them without question. We have to live with the burden of knowing that Corey (along with many others he socialised with) was experimenting with recreational drugs and we knew nothing about it. Most experience no ill effects, but Corey paid the ultimate price. We’ve since discovered that he had an undiagnosed heart anomaly which may have attributed to this death, but we’ll likely never know for sure. This doesn’t ease the pain.
John and I are so fortunate to have a truly wonderful group of friends who have been there for us throughout all of this, and we can’t thank them enough for their continued love and support. However, there comes a time when life returns to normal for everyone else, but we are left grieving for our beautiful boy. From my first tentative phone call to Gill at Scottish Families I felt that I could be open about the circumstances surrounding our child’s death. She put me in touch with the wonderful Jan. For much of our time together I just talked and cried… Jan would just listen for the most part, but she understood the pain I was in and the stigma I felt about Corey’s death. To her I had lost my child, the circumstances surrounding this didn’t matter.
Initially I had six sessions, but Jan felt that I would benefit from more. Scottish Families kindly agreed for me to have an additional six. This was a huge help. When my sessions were over Jan met with John. He too felt that having the opportunity to offload on someone not directly involved was hugely beneficial.
Counselling, like that provided by Scottish Families is invaluable. Granted it’s not for everyone, but for some it can be a lifeline. This is even more poignant when we think of those who have recently lost loved ones due to COVID-19.
So here we are, quickly approaching the 2nd anniversary of Corey’s death. It’s true when people say you don’t ever get over losing a loved one, but you learn to live a new life and make room for your grief. John and I are luckier than some as we have two wonderful children who we are so proud of. They give us a reason to get up each morning.
Pam has been there for us every step of the way and is embarking on a challenge to raise money in Corey’s name for Scottish Families. The GNR 40 replaces the Great North Run which she had initially planned to undertake. She will run 160 miles over the next 10 weeks, finishing on 13th September. Please help by donating anything you can in order to support this fantastic Scottish charity.
Laura & John xx