Friends, Romans, Countrymen and people who for some reason have let me acquire their email address,

For reasons that are too numerous to mention (one not being "my body is fit for purpose") I'm walking across this beautiful country in late April and would welcome any contributions to my chosen charity. I lost my mum as a boy to this disease and I'd appreciate any support in these austere times. Can someone think of a new word as austere has become a irritating cliche? "We're all skint" perhaps.....

Anyway, I'm planning on following the famous Wainwright route walking across The Lakes before getting lost on the Yorkshire Moors and making a Lord Lucan like disappearance. Total distance is apparently just under 200 miles although this assumes I can read a map (well many maps) and...well...despite Paul Chater's efforts I still can't. NB: Sponsorship donations cannot be reclaimed if I do disappear unless it can be proven I didn't make it to the finish line.

Ps Due to a bet with a Saffron Walden barber if City don't win the Premiership this season I've committed to letting him do a "Balotelli" cut (see photo in my gallery if you don't know him). Please let him know the likelihood of my total disappearance is heavily linked to City's Premiership position at the start of May.