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My Story...Who would of guessed it in May 2010 fit healthy, enjoying a holiday with the girlies , running on Blackheath in Sussex in June, helping my sister with her mammoth task of her garden, single but very happy for the first time in ages.....then just a few months later... I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, something told me that I wasn’t 100% only a few months ago before that, but I didn’t know what it was, I persisted as I knew the heavy sweating and pins and needles in my arm wasn’t right somehow, until I was going to a function and using fake tan, I discovered a lump, and it wasn’t a small one either, it had been growing since January. My Doctor acted quickly and I was referred  to the Breast Clinic.  I knew that day, that it wasn’t going to be good news, there were 3 masses.(tumors)..and it had spread to the nobes, but not officially confirmed until the tests came back.  I learnt in those weeks to take big deep breaths, scrape myself from my floor at home and try and come to turns with breast cancer, as I knew it would be a very, very long road in front of me.  I held back from telling family and friends at this point, I needed to obtain inner strength for myself and for them too when I had to tell them, which was the second worse day of my life.  One friend I confined in, who was with me for further tests and x-rays etc, it was a painful process and thank the lord she was with me (we did chuckle rather a lot and also cry) and the quiet room – was never quiet lol.  The breast team nurses and the team at Airedale were incredible and gave me the strength to know that what ever happened I was in good hands.  I will never forget the day when they confirmed I had three tumours and one tumour which needed to be taken immediately, then the whole breast.  It was at that time it was inconclusive that it had spread from the nobes..and possible gone else where... but, how much it wasn’t possible to tell until surgery.  I cried from my sole and thankfully I had Donna with me, it was the worse day of my life.

My surgeon was changed to a plastic surgeon as I was going to go through a procedure that would take half of my shoulder muscle into my breast, it would take 6 – 8 months for this to settle down.. but it was something that I wanted to do as this was the only reconstruction I could have. I am cut from the middle of my back,in my armpit and chest.  The operation was a success, but it wasnt an easy process and had to endure alot of pain and draining..more draining and then the abcesses.. that was another story and once again more pain and procedures.

A lady from the Macmillan Trust got in touch with me, and that was the best thing that happened to me, I could actually talk to someone who understood every procedure and emotions.  This is why I am doing what I am doing as it will help someone else who has being diagnosed with Cancer of any sort to receive the advise, understanding and care that I did.  You certainly know who your real friends are in this situation I can tell you.... this journey is the hardest anyone will ever go through.

I am on the long road to recovery and still going through procedures every week but, I will get there....but it will take time.. I have a few sayings each morning that gets me through the day, where there is pain there is gain,  all is well in my world, I am loving and loveable and I find love everywhere.  I will get through this and be “me” again, which when I look in the mirror the only difference is that I have no hair, but that is temporary and a better understanding to embrace the life I have left.   I have met some amazing people who still give me the motivation to live each day as best that I can, embrace life and enjoy it no matter what and one hope......is that I will spend my life with someone one day.

Chemo is one of the worst experiences I have endured and still enduring, but it serves its purpose and it will give me a chance to be cancer free.  No one understands what this does to you, and it it very hard to explain, its cruel and heart breaking, never have I experienced something that can have such an effect,  Jennifer Saunders wrote a very fitting article, it made me break down  and it hit me... I am going through this? the side effects are unprintable,.. this isnt easy..there are days I dont want to go on.. but I am one of the lucky ones, I need to fight to get through each day, the side effects I cannot put into words..been in A & Eonly last month and critical at Christmas..even a common cold is very serious which can lead you in hospital... taking care of the simplist of things becomes a task as you have to be on your guard of all dangers... I hold on to past memories of my work, my family, friends. that gets me by....   Cancer effects one in three, this is a huge percentage and once I thought, “that happens to others, doesn’t happen to me, it can happen and strike anyone at any time, by giving to this worthy cause will help others so much, from every kind of support you can imagine, verbal, literature for you and your family, Macmillan deserve  every penny.   Its not a quick fix, its over in a week or two, its long term, others need to see where they can support, its a long term process where love, patience and kindess is so needed and not to judge or turn your back on, we cannot help at times being a little "off" at times, its not us, its the whole effect... its hard for others to understand and more so if they just dont want to or dont appear to  have the time to..  I am not doing this just for breast cancer, but every horrible cancer there is, it needs support just like the so many thousands that this effects each day, one day, this could be.. You.

 So if you are going to loose your hair at some point during treatment you might as well get it shaved off – so I did exactly that to raise money for charity and give something back to a very worthy cause.

Special thanks and mentions are to a few who have touched my life in some way or another during my diagnosis and if I have forgotten anyone.sorry....My special thanks to the Macmillan Trust, Jean. Stef your an inspiration, new friend through BC and  will remain always in my life.  Bradford and Airedale Cancer Group.  Everyone at the breast care team at Airedale, Densie, Linda, Nancy and Kath, my Surgeon Mr Najim, ward 19, especially Louise and HODU, where I have my treatment, the district nurses especially Chris who see me on a weekly basis. Dr Jackie,  Dr Maggie and Dr Helen at Linghouse.  Helena in Physiotherapy your doing a brilliant job on me!  Stef, your amazing and honoured to know you. Stuart at keighley Hypnotherapy for Hypnotherapy sessions, getting through the procedures. Bradford Cancer Trust, thankyou x  Sue and Barry where I live and dear old friend Mrs G, Kirstan and Dan and Mr & Mrs V.  Donna, Nicola, Belinda, Danny and John. X   Candelisa People, Jane, Rachel, Carlos, Julie X.  For new peeps that came into my life showed me the true meaning of life, bless u Nadia X.   Gemma at Kaos and Sharron at Lady Max. (Sharron, love u)   My friends and family, Sis x -  goes without saying and most of all, My dad for giving me the strength to go on and to be brave, love you. 

And if I have missed anyone.. I will say sorry. X

I don’t have any hair... but I am still trying to be..... the same person I was 6 months ago... maybe a bit battered and a few scares... but I am still ME and most importantly fighting to be cancer free X.