"He was scared. We were scared. But we didn’t talk about it. We didn’t know how…”

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My Dad, John Funnell, died earlier this year from a complicated form of cancer. He’d been battling it for a couple of years. Numerous consultations. Bouts of intense radiotherapy. He was scared. We as a family were scared. But we didn’t talk about it. Even in the week before he died he was told that his cancer was, ‘incurable’ and yet we still didn’t discuss it. We just didn’t know how to. The last thing I said to Dad was, “hang in there” and now I really wish I had the right knowledge and information for us to have had a proper chat with him about his end of life, the care and everything surrounding it.

The white knights… Julie and Steve, two kind palliative care nurses in a local hospice who were with Dad when he died. I tried to get back in time to be with Dad but it wasn’t to be. To try and work through the agony of this I carried out some research into hospice and palliative care and I was overwhelmed at the wonderful things that can be done to allow people to die with dignity and free from pain and anxiety. Whilst it has provided so much comfort knowing that Dad was in safe hands and was able to gently fall asleep, I still can’t help but feel regret for not knowing as much as I do now about end of life care and the positive conversations that can be had with loved ones. I can’t have them with Dad, but death is something we all have to work through eventually and there is a chance for more people to feel comfortable about talking about it.

Dad ran the London Marathon a couple of times, reaching his peak in 1991 with an incredible time of 3:09. I am proud to be able to follow in his footsteps in the year he died and will try to match this, but running for Hospice UK is my main driver as their work resonates with so much of what I now want to support:

• Working with and supporting over 200 hospices across the UK.
• Continually improving the quality of end of life care to all.
• Collaboration with the government and NHS as the national charity for death, dying and bereavement.
• Creating an open culture to help us feel comfortable in talking about death, dying and bereavement (see the Dying Matters campaign).

Dad’s death was as good as it could have been. I just wish me and my family were equipped to reassure him of that. I am running in the hope that more families will be able to take the opportunity and talk about end of life with their loved ones, through the work and support of Hospice UK.