Nicki Smith's Story

“I have lived with the threat of ocular melanoma for over ten years. I thought if the day ever came, I would be able to deal with it. That was a mistake.

I was able to deal with what the medical treatment would entail. Prior to my appointment, I was sent a booklet which explained what would happen if I was diagnosed with ocular melanoma. When the day arrived, a different story emerged.

After my partner and I heard the news, I was seen by a specialist nurse who explained what was going to happen and handed me form after form to read and sign, one of which asked me if I wanted to be contacted by Liverpool’s Ocular oncology health psychologist. My first reaction was I've just been told I have cancer not that I've lost my mind or the ability to cope with my thoughts. It was weeks after that I realised how wrong I was.

From the day I was diagnosed the whole of my thought processes changed, it was like having a bomb inside my head and watching it count down, but not knowing the detonation time. I contacted my health psychologist, and she arranged telephone sessions.

At first, I was very sceptical about having therapy - but my options were running out. My daily life was always in the shadow of what might happen to the degree it was consuming the joy of living, to the point that all I could see was that bomb clicking down - with each click a new fear. Will I lose my vision? Will I lose my eye or will it spread? And ultimately, will I end up in the local hospice? Not very pleasant thoughts.

I can't express the relief of talking to her. She guided me through demanding time and showed me mental techniques which have helped me resume my life. They haven't given back my life prior to my diagnosis or brought me happiness, but they have enabled me to deal with it. I am grateful to Laura and to Liverpool for their holistic treatment.

Unfortunately, not all patients who have received an ocular melanoma diagnosis have the opportunity to talk to a specialist health psychologist under the NHS, and have to look for funding. This is where OcuMel UK has helped with funding, but this funding is now running out.”