This year, I am running a marathon.

I want to be absolutely clear from the outset: this is not something I have ever wanted to do, dreamed of doing, or even casually considered as "a nice challenge." I do not enjoy running, long distances, or unnecessary physical suffering. I have skinny legs that were never built for long-distance running and a very low boredom threshold. Doing the same thing for more than five hours will probably drive me mad.

Let's not talk about the training. It started with an AI-generated training plan, and I twisted my ankle. Great bloody start. There was nothing in the training plan about what to do if you get injured because your legs are too skinny, yet here we are.

I've committed to running the marathon to raise money for a charity that means a great deal to me, and that part matters enormously. The running itself is simply the price I'm paying to help raise as much support as possible for very good causes.

Knowing that I'm being sponsored — and that real money is going to help people who genuinely need it — is the single greatest motivation for keeping me going.

On the condition that I never have to run more than 100 metres for the rest of my life, I'll sponsor myself 50p for every £1 donated, up to £50,000. So as well as committing to all the training and the marathon itself, I'll also commit my money, along with yours, towards helping those charities in desperate need of funding.

If you're able to sponsor me, I would be deeply grateful.

Every contribution, large or small, will help.

Thank you very much for your support, generosity, and perhaps your mild amusement at my expense. I promise to earn every penny.