8 months ago I was diagnosed with stage 2b cervical cancer this tumour is large and too big to be cut out with surgery. I was offered radiotherapy and chemo. which i declined
When Fae was born I experienced a very traumatic birth which resulted in us being in hospital for a while and then having Fae being the wonderful way she is...however i experienced deep shock, terrible trauma.I believe i held that trauma shock so tight at times I couldn't breath..a sadness was\is with me. I believe on some deep level my grief has been stored there in my cervix.
Nothing can prepare you for the sadness the hard work the stress and sheer over-whelmingness of being a mother to a severely disabled child.I think my coping strategy has not been a good one....I did not feel light ..I felt full and heavy.
Fae started school back in September last year and we started to have some free time. At this time I started bleeding erratically ...
Whats going on? .."don't ask, don't look, carry on is what I told my self"
It took me till the following March to go to the doctors by which point I had been bleeding non-stop for nearly 2 whole months. I knew I had been storing something, I knew I had become numb to myself I was scared.
When I was diagnosed with Cancer a little part of me I could hear said "thank you maybe now I will look after myself"
This journey has taken me to a new way of life. I have to teach myself to rest to not be busy. I have changed my diet completely realising i was drinking nearly every night eating crap and doing nothing to be kind to me.

I can't list the amount of friends who have wanted to set this up for me or tried to organise something to raise funds for me and I have said NO, I find it hard to receive!
but now here it is: I am asking my friends for the support I need to do this a different way. I'm spending hundreds of pounds each month on Therapy and supplements and the credit it running out.
This is my chance to go deep