Alzheimer’s Society is transforming the landscape of dementia forever.Until the day we find a cure, we will create a society where those affected by dementia are supported and accepted, able to live in their community without fear or prejudice.

In 2019 I lost my grandma Wendy Wright to Alzheimer’s. Her sharp mind kept her with us for a long time and I will always treasure the time we had together. I look back now at the time we had together and a lot of it was spent talking about the Olympics and playing scrabble. I’m not good enough at scrabble to win a tournament, but one day I’ll work my way up to a full marathon. For now I just want to do what I can to support Alzheimer’s so that other family’s do not go through what we did.  So let’s call this a test run for Grandma. I also never got to meet my grandma-in-law because of dementia, so Nan this is also for you.

At the time I didn’t know that being sat at a kitchen table, Grandma opposite me with a Scrabble board in between us would come to mean so much. A headteacher for many years Grandma taught me and hundreds of children valuable lessons. With reflection the time with her has put me in good stead for the future and if you don’t mind, I would like to share what I have learnt. 

1. Earn your success

Grandma never just let me win. I had to earn it. We would watch the Olympics together and it was the runners who ran back to help the fallen that Grandma supported. Not the show-boaters and never thecheaters. Hard workers had her respect and deserved their success. So the first time my scrabble score inched ahead was glorious. There was no whooping or screaming. Just “Well done, we’ll see if you can do that again next time.” Learning to compete with a positive attitude, though hard work is a necessary life skill. People don’t just give you the grades or jobs. I don’t remember if I won the next game or not. But I do remember that first win, because I had to work so hard to get it.

2. Learn to spell well.

Grandma never underestimated the importance of spelling words correctly. It reflects your credibility and reliability. My spelling started on the scrabble board. I always struggled with it at school. I think my brain was already on the next word before my hand had written the first. I’m sure Grandma knew but she never nagged me about it. Instead if I asked to play a game she said, “Go get Scrabble ready.” In a world where details matter, proper spelling indicates your attention to detail and intelligence. I started small with words like “dream” on double letter score until managing to put “rhythm” on triple word score. If you need help spelling get yourself an old-fashioned Scrabble board and dictionary—you won’t regret it.

3.  Your words matter. Choose them carefully.

Whether selecting tiles for a game or language for a conversation, what you say can directly impact an outcome. As obsessed with fairy tales and knights in castles as I was, Grandmas saying, “The pen is mightier than the sword,” didn’t make much sense. But as you grow you start to understand. You compare the words of a bully, against the words from family and friends. You see the power in words;power to build up, encourage and honour, as well as the power to degrade, discourage and disrespect. Use your power wisely. As Grandma suggested, “If you can’t say anything kind, you might not want to say anything at all.” 

4.  Make time to do something you enjoy.

In the busy-ness of life, we are stretched and don’t feel like we can make time to do things that make us happy. Grandma disagreed; you could often find her playing solitaire or doing the crossword on a Saturday. She probably had more useful things to do than keep me entertained on a rainy afternoon, but she made time for Scrabble and reading with me. Grandma prioritized time with others. She knew not to hurry through the good stuff, to slow down and appreciate it. Being with family was her good stuff, and because she made time for what she enjoyed, we now have the memories to treasure.  

5.  Be present, without distractions.

When Grandma sat down to play Scrabble, I had her undivided attention. She wasn’t checking emails, or answering the phone instead she was made eye contact and engaging conversation. I felt like the most important person in the world. I am guilty of being sat on my phone, hearing but not listening. We should all follow her lead. Honour others with your undivided attention and give them the affirmation, acceptance and validation they deserve, just like Grandma did. You never know what you might miss.

Grandma, thank you for your time and all the games. Hopefully where you are there are scrabble boards with no missing tiles. Don’t worry, I’ll keep practicing in anticipation of the day when we can sit down together and play again.