It is a strange kind of grief I feel. There are no memories to look back on, only the half-thought wishes, joys and fears of the future. All the things that could have been, but won’t. Never were. I don’t quite know how to call the empty sadness that replaces the potential. I think grief is the best I can do.
We are three, we have close friends and family that is there for us, to support us and help us through it, but even with all that help, I still feel alone. Miscarriage is so little talked about. So many women, families go through it alone. On the website of Tommy’s Research I read the following harrowing statistics:
70% of women said that they felt guilty about miscarriage
79% said they felt like a failure after losing a pregnancy
Two thirds of women said they found it hard to talk about their miscarriage
85% said that they didn’t think people understood what they had gone through
67% felt that they couldn’t talk to their best friend
35% didn’t feel like they could talk to the father about their experience.
As a father, and a partner, I want to do something, to help in some way. To support and help. So let’s end the silence around miscarriage. 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in one. That means there are so many of us to comfort each other.
To raise awareness and to raise money for more research, I have started a fundraising campaign. In about 12 weeks time (or duration of the first trimester if you will) I will cycle up one of the most daunting Pyrenean cols. So follow my preparation, share the fundraising page, donate when you can, but most of all; let’s change the story on miscarriage.
And for everyone out there who has been where we have been; please, please, please remember: it is not your fault, you are not a failure; you are NOT alone.