'While I was watching, you did a slow dissolve'

                               ('Slow Motion', David Gray 2005)

Dear All

Before you donate (hopefully) please read the following:

I will be taking part in the ‘Four Peak Challenge’ on June 25th - 28th 2011 to raise money for the Alzheimer’s Society. This will involve a mountain trek to the top of four of England’s highest peaks in the stunning Lake District National Park. 

In order for me to participate I have to pay a non-refundable registration fee of £99 which I have already done so. I also have to raise a minimum of £750. Of course, a small portion of this will go towards specific costs associated with the running of this event such as certain equipment and food etc. However, please note that I will be investing my own money to purchase appropriate hiking gear. The vast majority of funds raised goes straight to the Alzheimer’s Society.

At the time of writing I am feeling a little overwhelmed by just how many people I need to reach in order to achieve that amount of sponsor money. It has recently dawned on me that I do not know as many people as I thought I did! So, I am in the process of approaching family, friends and basically anyone I have ever set eyes on over the passed 'something' years!!

I find myself trying to be creative and think of other fundraising ideas along the way to raise as much money as possible before June. So far I have thought of …….

1. a sponsored chest wax! (ouch!)

2. presenting myself as a scantily clad ‘calendar boy’ in a high gloss true ‘Calendar Girls’ style calendar. (this has the potential to cause devastating health risks to the general public, considering that parts of my body rarely see the light of day - thus such blinding exposure could cause as much damage as a nucleur fall out!)

3. a sponsored ‘Walk a Thong’ along the whole of the A449 from Newport to Stafford. (a little chilly no doubt -….no I said ‘chilly’!!)

4.....and the most challenging idea of all - a torturous sponsored twenty four hour sitting whilst being continuously exposed to the wretched ‘The Best of Loose Women’ dvd! (this has the potential to cause me mental breakdown resulting in possible psychiatric hospital admission under detention of the Mental Health Act 1983!!).

My wife has suggested that I do a sponsored ‘hold my breath’ for ten minutes!! We have a deep understanding that forms the foundation of our eleven year marriage - ie she tells me what to do…….and I completely ignore her!!!

Of course, it goes without saying that I am emotionally charged to take part in the mountain trek due to my Dad being diagnosed with early onset dementia. It’s been a while now since his diagnosis and in all honesty as a family, I don’t think we have ever accepted it. As with anyone who has experienced a loved one with this condition, be it a family member or friend - it is heartbreaking to witness the person you love so much be gradually stripped of the essence that made them the person they were.

However, my Dad still remains a quick witted, loving, selfless, dedicated and proud family man -  and probably most important to him .................WELSH! .....and most important to me?........Dad!

Corny as it may sound, of all the personal heroes myself, my brother and sister may have had over the years, none of them could match the integrity and strength of character that is Dad! He makes us all feel very proud of him. I don’t need to take part in a sponsored mountain trek for charity for Dad to feel proud of me - however it will be an absolute privilege to participate and I guess an extension of how I feel about him.

I am very excited about the mountain trek challenge. However, I have a lot of preparation to do before June such as purchase appropriate hiking gear, ‘enhance’ my fitness (cough, splutter!!) - and address my ‘fear of heights’! I will be doing the challenge with a close friend of mine Nolan Kuklinski with whom I will be sharing a tent  - so I also need to adapt to his high decibel snoring …………and become at ease with male ‘spooning’!!! Nolan is taking part for his girlfriend's Grandfather who has dementia.

Of course, I am aware of the current economic climate and that all of us are probably not as ‘flush’ as we’d like to be. I am further reminded of this as I gaze at ALL of the contents of my kitchen cupboard - three packets of Super Noodles, half a packet of Conchiglie pasta, a jar of chocolate spread (Morrison’s yellow label!) - and six Oxo vegetable stock cubes ‘for flavoursome home cooking‘ !!!! As I call out to the kids to ask them what they would like for their tea, their lack of response and the deadly silence reminds me that we actually sold them to fund the aforementioned contents of the kitchen cupboard - as well as to purchase a Samsung 40 inch 100 HZ LCD TV !!!!!!

So, all I ask of you is for you to consider sponsoring me and help me to raise as much money as possible for such a worthy cause, that is without a doubt close to mine and my family’s heart.

 

The easiest way to sponsor me / make a donation is here on my fundraising page.

Please feel free to 'split' any donations between Nolan and myself. Should you decide to sponsor him, with a name like 'Nolan Kuklinski' he shouldn't be too hard to find on www.justgiving.com!! (besides, he hasn't got many friends so he could do with the support!!)

Thank you.

At this point, may I just say a huge thank you to all those people who have already made donations. I have been overwhelmed and left speechless (which is a rarity!!!) by the response! Thank you so much for your generosity, kindness and support!

 

Thanks to you all for reading this invitation to sponsor me - and hopefully for doing exactly that!!

Love and best wishes.


Jonathan Thomas

 

1. Fundraising diary note: 18.12.10. Off the top of my head, when I think of Dad I think of….(not exhaustive) ...Welsh man.  Father.  Husband.  Brother.  Grandad.  Uncle.  Family man.  Friend.  Dog Lover.  Deputy Head school teacher.  My teacher. Marking school homework ‘til 12a.m. every night!  School trips to London.  Singer.  Loving.  Well mannered.  Selfless.  Sociable. Funny.  Quick witted.  Patient.  Reliable.  Intelligent.  Supportive. Kind.  Fair.  Committed.  Generous.  Gentle.  Conscientious.  Proud. Comb over!!!  Beaming warm smile and lovely false teeth!! Penrhiwceiber.  Wales.  Rugby.  Novelty ‘welsh’ mugs.  Books. Welsh rugby books.  Music lover.  Neil Diamond. 'Jonathan Livinston Seagull' soundtrack.  Max Boyce and 'Me and Billy Williams' LP. Hereford Police Choir member.  Morriston Orpheus Choir. BBC1’s ‘Last Choir Standing’ participant and ‘celebrity’!!  Ledbury Carnival and chairman / committee member. Ledbury Carnival ‘fun races’ armed with the 'loud speaker'.  Wonderful family holidays in Saundersfoot and Tenby. Toblerone.  Excellent 'washer upper' and dryer!! Radio Two listener. Owls.  Nature lover.  Obsessive leaflet collector!!  Obsessive map collector!!  Sweaters.  Ties.  Socks.  Slippers.  Sandwich box for work ('lovingly' prepared by Mom each night before!) Ritualistically stood up eating Sugar Puffs and reading the newspaper at the same time in the kitchen just before leaving the house to go to work.  Telling me off for swearing in the playground when I was 10 - and threatening me with the wrath of Mom for when I got home!  Not gifted in all areas of D.I.Y, (!!) but an excellent and thorough painter and decorater.  Driving me and my friend to London to see Simple Minds (for our second time) at the Nelson Mandela 70th Birthday Tribute concert at Wembley Stadium, June 11th 1988 - and him ‘hanging around' all day to take us home.  Introducing me to alcohol (!!!) at the age of 10 but only letting me 'hold' the can of 'Skol' like the good responsible parent he is!!  Walking to school together. Dad's 'delicious' home cooking when Mom was away in Paris with Auntie Mary - burnt sausages and watery gravy!! His 'all day' mile wide smile on mine and Manda's wedding day, his 1970's red tracksuit, 'Forever in Blue Jeans' (albeit paint stained!), waking up and hearing Dad singing along to Morriston Orpheus Choir cassettes every Sunday morning (accompanied by Mom as a baritone!!), maticulously trimming the garden lawn edges, paying me 50p to clean the Flymo (tight!!).....................tbc

 

'It's the happy moments along the way, that in the end make it ok'          ('Nobody', John Ondrasik of 'Five For Fighting' 2004).

 

 

2. Fundraising diary note: 23.12.10. I am now in the process of training for the mountain trek - so far I have managed to reach the tenth stair in my house! This is not bad considering that I only started training a week ago last monday!! The fourth stair was a tricky one...... I was stuck on it for three days!! Onwards and upwards!

 

3. Fundraising diary note: 25.12.10. Today I had a phone call from my good friend and mountain trek team mate Nolan, to wish me and my family a Merry Christmas - which was nice of him. However, the phone conversation began to get 'dark' and disturbing when he later informed me that he had already purchased a double sleeping bag for the mountain trek! I think I will be contacting the event organisers first thing next week to see if I can change who I share my tent with!! As disturbing images of Nolan wearing nothing but his novelty 'Best Of British' Union Jack boxer shorts flash through my mind - I think I would be more than grateful and no doubt relieved to alternatively be sharing my tent with a knot of Natterjack toads!!

 

4. Fundraising diary note: 26.12.10. I've started to browse walking boots in preparation for possibly purchasing in the January sales. I've seen a lovely pair of 'Kilimanjaro II' walking boots online at  'www.blacks.co.uk'. Sadly, they are not available in my preferred colour - black ....but more to the point neither are they available with my preferred fastening - velcro! Despite years of experience of 'life with laces' I am still as useless at doing them up as I was when my Dad first attempted to teach me back in 1976! I am not skilled and never have been when 'engaging' with 'fiddly' things - you name it, I can't do it!.....laces, ties, belts, cuff links....bra straps! In fact, as far as I can recall my Dad actually dressed me 'til i was 19!! I can just about manage velcro fastenings - with practical assistance from my four year old son! As for bra straps? Forget it! -... .....I am still having personal tuition from my Mom!! Why does life have to be so complicated??!!

 

5. Fundraising diary note: 27.12.10. Nolan and myself have yet again been discussing the forthcoming mountain trek over the phone. I asked Nolan when did he think that he could come up from London and visit for the weekend, so that we could both 'practice walking' for the event. (?) Nolan promptly pointed out that we do actually already know how to walk (!!) - and that the correct terminolgy to use is 'training'! Yeh yeh, thanks Nolan - but let me remind you that the last time you visited us, you had somehow adopted a walking style not unlike a cross between a Silver Back gorilla and Max Wall! - and don't even think about making some excuse up that it was down to the seven 'Harvey Wallbanger' cocktails that you had on the Saturday night! I noticed it as soon as you set foot off the train in the morning. What's that about Nolan?? Are you trying to be cool - or do you have blisters?? If it's the latter then try some 'Sudocrem'. If it's about trying to be cool - then just STOP it! Otherwise I may have to consider who I walk with on the trek, let alone share a tent with! I feel that my use of the term  'practice walking' is now more relevant  - don't you??

 

6. Fundraising diary note: 28.12.10. Today I approached Morrisons supermarket in Malvern to ask if it would be possible for me and Nolan to fundraise on the store's premises in the new year. They appear to be more than willing for us to do so once we have officially written to them to ask for permission. They will then contact the Alzheimer's Society  - no doubt to check our credentials and character reference to see that everything is 'all above board' so to speak. I have no problem with this but I am a little concerned for Nolan - I told him not to include his criminal record on the mountain trek application form! As far as I know, Nolan was caught shoplifting in 'Spar' in 1989! - he stole a stick of french bread to use as a light saber for his Darth Vader fancy dress costume! It's true!!!! The Metropolitan Police were not quite the 'force' Nolan was expecting!!

 

7. Fundraising diary note: 29.12.10. My Father, My Guiding Light Dad, you’re like the sun to me, a sure thing, always there, beaming light and warmth on my life. Whatever is good in me today, I owe to your wisdom, your patience, your strength, your love. You taught me by example, as a role model, how to be my own person, how to believe in myself, instructing me without controlling me.

Even when we disagreed, you held us together, so our bond was never broken. I understand what you did for me, and I am so grateful that I have you as my solid foundation, my rock. I respect you, I admire you, I love you, my guiding light, my father. By Joanna Fuchs.

 

8. Fundraising diary note: 30.12.10  Today on the radio I heard 'The Climb' by american actress and singer Miley Cyrus. It made me think about how apt this song was in relation to the mountain trek next  year. Now if I know Nolan -  he has already uploaded this song on to his Ipod ready for the trek!....along with 'Rocky Mountain High' by John Denver, 'King of the Mountain' by Kate Bush, 'The Mountain Song' by Jane's Addiction - .....and 'She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain When She Comes' by Ramblin' Tommy Scott!! I would put money on it!!

 

9. Fundraising diary note: 31.12.10 Iconic welsh figures....Margaret Haig-Thomas, R.S.Thomas, Dylan Thomas, Gareth 'Alfie' Thomas .....Alun Thomas!

 

10. Fundraising diary note: 01.01.11 Now he tells me! - Nolan has just informed me that he suffers from a fear of open spaces! The mountain trek is going to be difficult enough what with my own fear of heights - and now he drops this 'bomb shell' on me!! Agoraphobia verses Acrophobia.......................but which one would win??!! FIGHT!!

 

11. Fundraising diary note: 02.01.11 I have approached the shop 'Mountain Warehouse' in Great Malvern to see if they could give me a good discount if I purchased all required equipment from them - and  in return I would give them some publicity in a forthcoming article about the sponsored trek in the local newspaper. They kindly agreed and proceeded to give me some good expert advice and tips on buying hiking gear. Apparently, when I have purchased my new boots I need to wear them as much as possible to 'break them in' well before the trek! I have been advised by some people to even wear them around the house - at every opportunity ..............even in bed! Up until now it is only my wife who has been expected to wear footwear in the bedroom!!!! Well, I've got a surprise for her!!!!

 

12. Fundraising diary note: 03.01.11 Well, thanks to a shopping trip to 'Mountain Warehouse' (Malvern) (with my Mom!!!!) today, I am now more or less fully kitted out for the trek. New boots, waterproofs, ruck sack, socks........etc. I'm good to go! Today, I also discovered that I have more training to do than I first envisaged. I went up the Malvern Hills with the family to trial out the gear this afternoon. The mountain trek will consist of twelve hours walking each day - where as I was up the Malverns for an 'introductory' one and a half hours only. I wouldn't say I was THAT unfit - but..... after about fifty minutes my wife identified the need to support me by approaching other walkers to ask them if they had a defibrillator!!!

 

13. Fundraising diary note: 05.01.11 At the time of writing I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed. After only a few weeks combined donations on-line and off-line have reached £686.00. The response has been amazing and I am very grateful to all those who have donated - as well as those who have told me that they intend to donate at some point soon. Thank you! Since fundraising started I have been reminded of how much my Dad has touched people's lives in some way or another during his 69 years - whether they be a family member, friend, colleague, or the many pupils that he taught at Ledbury Primary School - or even helped across the road when he was 'acting' lollipop man!! The messages I have received have been touching and heartfelt. Thank you all for your support - ....and nice one Dad!

 

14. Fundraising diary note: 07.01.11 To acknowledge the very generous off-line donations so far - many many thanks to...............

 

Sheila and Dave Neale (Ledbury)

Margaret and Terry Freeman (Birmingham)

Ruth Freeman (Birmingham)

Howard and Jenni Till (Bristol)

Shaun Ehrlich (Ledbury)

Dee and Gint Ehrlich (Ledbury)

Francis Bradley (Ledbury)

Karen Humphries (Malvern)

Glenys Edwards (Maerdy, South Wales)

Arwyn and Yvonne Williams (Maerdy, South Wales)

Julie and David Hopkins (Ynysbwl, South Wales)

Chris and Robin Simpson (Kidderminster)

Liz Wreford (Ledbury)

David Smegeilski (Hereford)

Barbara Mason (Hereford)

Yvonne Lane (Hereford)

Brenda Hill (Ledbury)

Shirley and Basil Merrick (Ledbury)

Brenda Price (Suckley)

Margaret Reseigh (Bristol)

Barbara Deardon (Ledbury)

Staff at 'Pertemps' (Hereford. Thanks to Sarah Soley's efforts)

Alan Thomas (Hereford)

Margaret Butchart (Northumberland)

Bill Roberts (Hereford)

Leslie Davies (Hereford)

Leon and Kate Bateman (Leominster)

Eric and Eileen Williams (Cheshire)

Pat Giles (Penrhiwceiber, South Wales)

Mrs L. Rowlands (Penrhiwceiber, South Wales)

Mary Powell (Penrhiwceiber, South Wales)

Emma Price (Ross-on-Wye)

Tony and Dorothy Allen (Ledbury)

David Allen (Ledbury)

Felicity Holmes (Ledbury)

Gwyn and Sue Jones (High Wycombe)

Roy and Janet Williams (Nelson, South Wales)

Andrew and Emma Wood (Leicester)

Pete and Jean West (Cradley)

Angela Stanton (Neath, South Wales)

 

15. Fundraising diary note: 08.01.11 The training continues - I went up the Malvern hills again today and already I have noticed a positive difference in my stamina. I only required the aid of breathing apparatus after an hour and a quarter!! Plus, I seem to be getting the hang of doing up my laces on my new walking boots - they only came undone twice!

 

16. Fundraising diary note: 09.01.11 That's all I need!......I've just been talking with Nolan, my good friend, trek team mate - and 'tent sharer'. He has informed me that he has recently developed inflammation of his peridontium (ie the tissues that support the teeth) - thus causing him a severe case of Halitosis!! I've sensitively asked Nolan to add some more items to his inventory for the trek...........10 packets of Trebor 'EXTRA' strong peppermint chewing gum (sugar free!) - and 3 bottles of 'Listermint'!

 

17. Fundraising diary note:11.01.11 CONGRATULATIONS to my good friend and mountain trek team mate Nolan for creating his fundraising page today on www.justgiving.com. Please support Nolan to reach the target sum - he would no doubt appreciate this! Alternatively, please feel free to support ME by donating and sending packets of Trebor 'EXTRA' strong peppermint chewing gum (sugar free) to Nolan. I would no doubt appreciate this!!

 

18. Fundraising diary note: 11.01.11 Nolan has informed me that he has uploaded another 'mountain' themed song to his IPOD ready for the trek. He is astonished that he initially forgot to do this as the song is very much a favourite of his - it's that ol' classic 'Foggy Mountain Breakdown' by Flatt and Scruggs!!

 

19. Fundraising diary note: 12.01.11 Congratulations to Nolan for passing his driving test today! We are thrilled for him. However, for the benefit and safety of all other road users, I have taken the liberty in contacting and informing The National Traffic Control Centre of Nolan's success. Where ever your destination may be, may I advise you ALL to plan your journey well by contacting The National Traffic Control Centre information service. They will be able to inform you of Nolan's where abouts thus ensuring that you keep a safe distance!! Be safe, BeWare!!

 

20. Fundraising diary note: 12.01.11 Today I liased with the local newspaper 'The Malvern Gazette / Ledbury Reporter'. I spoke to Sue Vickers in the editing department who was most pleasant, very helpful and interested in publicizing the fundraising mountain trek to raise awareness and hopefully more money! She has arranged for me to meet with the newspaper's photographer tomorrow for a 'photo shoot' (!!!!). My Mother has told me that I have to have a shave before tomorrow!...otherwise she will never speak to me again - but more upsetting and damaging than that - she will never make me a rice pudding ever again!! So, it looks like I will have to have a shave later on tonight. The forthcoming appearance in the local newspaper has enlightened me somewhat, just when I thought I knew myself!! I've never really thought of myself as a vain person - but here I am typing this 'waffle', whilst my wife is 'buffing' my bald spot in preparation for tomorrow!! She is so supportive!!! Nolan has sent me his apologies as he can't attend the 'photo shoot' (!!). However, I am secretly relieved because his oozing charm, personality and good looks would no doubt overshadow me! This would not be good for my fluctuating self confidence and self esteem - however, looking on the positive side, if he was there then at least his shadow might reduce the overwhelming shine from my head!! 

 

21. Fundraising diary note: 13.01.11 As arranged I met with Carsten Evans today on the Malvern Hills. He is the photographer for the Malvern Gazette / Ledbury Reporter and without a doubt a thoroughly decent chap. A photograph and article to publicize the fundraising will be in the newspapers tomorrow. I feel that due to the 'overwhelming shine' from my head, Carsten had to take many photographs to compensate. Carsten sensitively informed me that this was not the case - and that in his profession it was the norm to take as many photographs as possible in order to acheive a satisfactory result!! What a nice guy. Big thanks to Sue, Carsten and all of the newspaper team for the coverage!

 

22. Fundraising diary note: 13.01.11 Today I was talking to a colleague about my experiences as a student nurse, and in particular about work placement experiences. I fondly recall both my first and second work placements at two day hospitals for older adults. The first one being at Rowan House (Malvern) - and the second being at the very building where I was born - ex maternity hospital Lucy Baldwin's (Stourport). I remember feeling somewhat overwhelmed to be at Lucy Baldwin's. I hadn't been there since 1974 when my sister was born. I remember being shown around the premises on my first day which was really really bizarre. Much of the building was no longer being used and was still decorated and furnished as it was way back in the 60's. I came across a room where I felt a strong sense that it was the very room where I was delivered in August,1970! I'm not sure exactly what led me to believe this - I think it was due to disturbing auditory hallucinations of shouts and screams during the process of child birth! I'm sure they were from my Dad!! Furthermore, the markings of finger nail scrapes down the wall accompanied by the grafitti words  'Elvery Thomas waz 'ere 1968, 1970, 1974 - but never ever again!'  was a bit of a give away really!!

 

I enjoyed both work placements. They both gave me emotional insight into the difficulties and upset that dementia can bring to those that have the diagnosis and also family members / carers. Strangely enough, at the time I was working in these placements Dad was having diagnostic tests himself to assess whether he had the condition.

 

Without wanting to sound too dramatic, it was an absolute privilege to work with so many wonderful people at the day hospitals - patients, family members, carers and staff alike! The importance of focusing on 'knowing the person' was paramount during my training - and in all of my placements during the three years, never more so than at the day hospitals working with those wonderful older people! Person first, 'patient' second, diagnostic 'label' last!

 

Despite the whole experience being moving - there was a lot of humour and fun in the hospital. At Rowan House, to my surprise - as a fledgling student nurse I was expected to dress up as Father Christmas and hand out little gifts to the patients. I didn't mind doing this really - I just thought it was a bit strange considering that we were in the month of March at the time!! I also recall organizing a leisure pursuit to visit and have a tour around the Morgan Car Factory in Malvern for those who had an interest in cars. This was very successful - and eventful as I recall supporting one gentleman in a wheelchair down a rather steep embankment along the factory walkway. Unfortunately I misjudged it completely - lost my grip - and we both launched down the path faster than a Ducati 999 Super Bike! After I realised that we had both survived (!!) all I could think of when we were in a heap at the bottom of the path was 'that's it - my placement is over - I didn't do a risk assessment'! Actually, sod the risk assessment - the facial expression of fear, relief and thrill was momentous and enough to make me want to throw ourselves down the path again! Priceless! You had to be there really.

 

From mine and Nolan's point of view, the mountain trek challenge is  for all those special people we both met on our older adult placements,....and of course, especially for such special people like Michelle's (Nolan's girlfriend) Grandad Leonard ,...like ex colleague, special friend and Ledbury legend Harold Turner,....and like Dad.

 

22. Fundraising diary note: 14.01.11 It has been brought to my attention that the excessive amount of 'waffle' on my fundraising page is a clear indication of how much time I have on my hands at present! This may well be the case, although it certainly doesn't seem like it usually. As I have said before, as a family I don't think we have ever accepted Dad's diagnosis. However, I am discovering that the whole concept of the mountain trek,  all of the preparation for it, all of the fundraising along the way, all of the generosity and support  - and all the 'time on my hands' that allows me to write sometimes complete and utter rubbish on this page is actually helping me to come to terms with it all. So, in response to those who have been 'mentally challenged' by reading all of my 'waffle' - I can only apologize because in the words of the great Jim Kerr, I am going to 'keep on keeping on'.....and on and on and on and on ....!!!! Besides, have you lot got nothing better to do??????!!!!!!!!

 

23. Fundraising diary note: 14.01.11 Amazingly, in only a matter of days donations on Nolan's fundraising page have already reached £200! Go Yolan! (as my four year old son would say!!). As I have already mentioned, please support Nolan to raise the target sum that is required - after all, it was Nolan who came up with the idea of taking part in the 'four peak challenge' in the first place, thanks to reading an article about it in the 'Metro' newspaper on the tube. Well done 'Noly' - great idea mate. You are obviously the one with the brains - I guess that makes me the one with the looks!!!!!!!!!!! 'What say you?' says Aragorn (!!)

 

24. Fundraising diary note: 14.01.11 Nolan and myself have been discussing forthcoming additional ways of raising more funds for the Alzheimer's Society before the trek. Due to him experiencing body dysmorphia he wasn't too keen on getting involved in the sponsored 'walk a thong' along the whole of the A449! However, he is very keen on my idea of holding a charity car wash on my drive at my house (on the A449) in the very near future. However, I am more keen on his idea of having beautiful girls to attract passing motorists and encourage them to pull up on to the drive for a wet down!! We have yet to decide on what the girls should be wearing during the event. Nolan has appropriately suggested that they should wear 'Alzheimer's Society' fundraising t-shirts - BUT, has also inappropriately suggested that the t-shirts should be WET!!! There has also been a suggestion of wearing underwire bikini's in aqua blue from 'New Look'! Further discussions will take place tomorrow between Nolan and myself, as well as with all those supportive enthusiastic women who have already stepped forward for the job! So, to Nolan's lovely girlfriend Michelle, ...the not so pleasing to the eye Mrs Butterup at no. 62 - the lovely and sorely missed Annette Kendall (in Australia) and my lovable Mom - we say 'thank you'! Please provide us with your measurements as soon as possible so we can purchase outfits!!(actually Mom - I don't want to know!! Get your own 'clobber'!)

Furthermore, if any other of you lovely ladies would like to offer your car washing services then please get in touch. C'mon now - don't be shy!!!

 

25. Fundraising diary note: 14.01.11 Well, for those of you who bought the Ledbury Reporter or Malvern Gazette newspaper today all I can do is apologize! The article about the fundraising has led people to contact me with messages of support - however, the overwhelming glare from my follically challenged head in the photograph has caused many people to complain to the newspapers as well as to myself of how distracting the glare has been! Interestingly, on the radio this morning I heard a report of a car collision outside 'Balfour News' newsagents in Ledbury! Nothing to do with me I hope!!

 

26. Fundraising diary note: 15.01.11 This morning I woke up to find more company than just my wife in bed! No, it wasn't the pleasing to the eye american actress Jennifer Aniston (she blew me out some years ago!!). It was a collection of children's toys that my four year old son has a habit of taking to bed with him - and then bringing them and him into our bed during the night! One of the toys was my daughter's 'Barbie Style and Groom Horses Head' with brush!! On waking I didn't appreciate rubbing nose to nose with it in my bed! In fact it 'freaked' me out somewhat! My initial thought was 'blimey Manda (wife) I don't think I fancy you anymore'!!  As I opened my eyes further I then realised, thankfully, that it wasn't her! The whole disturbing experience reminded me of when I was only 9 years old and my Dad called me to come downstairs from being in bed on a school night. He said he wanted to show me something. So I curiously went downstairs - and as he pointed to the violent film 'The Godfather' that he was watching on the 'telly' he said - 'watch this Jonathan'. To my horror I witnessed the scene where the guy wakes up covered in blood with his horse's severed and bloodied head in his bed with him! As I said, I was 9! To this very day I have never visited 'Newbridge Farm Park' near Ledbury due to my developed fear of horses - and I always sleep with the light on!! Thanks Dad for your wonderful - but  irresponsible (!!), sick sense of humour!!!! We love it!!

 

27. Fundraising diary note: 17.01.11 Further on from mine and Nolan's discussion, (with special reference to Nolan's 'creative twist' of an idea for the charity car wash!!) yesterday I approached Lidl in Malvern to ask for permission to hold the charity car wash on their premises. I was told to write to Lidl head office which I have now done so. All being well, we will hold the car wash on a Saturday in March. We are grateful to the four people who have so far stepped forward to help on the day - Michelle Herman, Mrs Butterup at No. 62, Annette Kendall - and my Mom!! However, the more the merrier - so as I said before, if you would like to participate then do please let us know - along with your measurements please!! Thanks.

 

28. Fundraising diary note: 17.01.11 I went out walking again at the weekend. It was just a short walk with the family but nevertheless every little helps in preparation for the trek!! However, all this walking is costing us a fortune (!!). Did you know that it is £3.00 to park in the Malvern Hills car parks?? Scandalous! As for laundering all our dirty clothes after being out walking - our utility bills are 'rocketing'! Mind you, all the washing and drying of clothes is keeping my wife busy which I think she enjoys!! As for my walking boots - she has done a smashing job of cleaning them!! Sometimes, I just don't know how I get the time to be writing on this fundraising page!!

 

29. Fundraising diary note: 18.01.11 I'm particularly looking forward to this Saturday. It will be the first time that I have attempted to go out walking for a duration of twelve hours. I plan to walk the old school sponsored walk route from Ledbury to the Worcestershire Beacon (Malvern) and back - if I can remember it!! To say that my sense of direction is poor would be an understatement as I am often late home from work each night having taken a wrong turn!! Anyway, as a  precaution for Saturday I have taken the liberty to inform the West Midlands Search and Rescue Team of my weekend plans! My 'more intelligent' brother Dave may also be joining me on the walk, so you could be forgiven for thinking that two heads are better than one, and that this in itself would ensure that we don't get lost. (?) However, Dave's participation all depends on the night before and whether he can take himself off to bed before his usual time of retiring - 5 a.m.! As I think about my poor sense of direction my mind drifts back to 1980 when I went on the annual school trip to London - as arranged by my Dad who was my teacher at the time. I remember we visited Hampton Court Maze during the trip - and guess who was the last person to find their way out of the maze!!?? Dad had to go back into the maze to look for me! He eventually found me in the centre of the maze trying to 'get more familiar with' Marie Green who I fancied like crazy at the time. (!!) Dad wasn't impressed.....and neither did I impress Marie!! (at this point I would like to say that 31 years later Marie has supported the cause with kind words and a donation made on this fundraising page - so I would like to think that she doesn't hold any grudges against me!! Thanks Marie!!)

 

30. Fundraising diary note: 18.01.11 (With reference to one of the fundraising ideas - ie the 'sponsored walk a thong'). To the anonymous person who sent me the G - string in the post this morning - ......I would like to say that I particularly like the printed welsh dragon design - but I am particularly offended that the inside label says 'micro' size! Did you send it Nolan??

 

31. Fundraising diary note: 18.01.11 I received some disappointing news today - my Mom has pulled out of the forthcoming charity car wash - ..but, more disappointing (and disturbing!) than that, she has admitted to being the mysterious person who sent me the G - string! I am finding mental images of my Mom shopping for a G - string for me particularly traumatic! I fear I may be developing PTSD! (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It's bad enough that I am having to accept bra strap tuition from her!!

 

32. Fundraising diary note: 18.01.11 Internationally acclaimed welsh singer songwriter Martyn Joseph has very kindly agreed to publicize the fundraising mountain trek in the quarterly fan club magazine ('The Passport Queue') in order to reach the masses! Martyn's Grandfather had dementia which influenced him to write the beautiful song 'Carried In Sunlight'. 'The Passport Queue' magazine is read worldwide by thousands of people who share the same great taste in music as me!!! Even if just one of those people donates it would have all been worth it. Many thanks to Martyn, Nicky and the rest of the 'PQ' crew!

 

33. Fundraising diary note: 18.01.11 Whilst driving to work this morning I heard the 1966 classic 'The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore' on BBC Radio Hereford and Worcester. However, the forecast for the twelve hour trek up on the Malvern Hills this Saturday with my brother Dave is looking good. It might be a little cold mind you, but that isn't going to stop me and Dave - ....Hereford and Worcester county's very own 'Walker' Brothers' (!!)

 

34. Fundraising diray note: 19.01.11 At the time of wrting donations have reached £1326! This is fantastic and I am thrilled especially considering how uncertain I was initially about raising the minimum of £750. The fundraising is going well and there have been so many positives as a result of doing it - ie, it's been wonderful to receive kind and encouraging words about Dad from people which is a reminder to us of how highly regarded he is. Also, I am gradually improving my fitness levels due to more frequent walking in preparation for the mountain trek - plus many people are contacting me to offer their company whilst I go out walking. Furthermore, people are stepping forward to help with some of the fundraising ideas along the way such as the charity car wash. Without wanting to sound like an over emotional wet flanel (!!) the whole experience is bringing people to together which is wonderful - especially with regards to those that I have not seen or spoken to for a while. To quote a text message I once received,- 'friends and family are like stars, you may not always see them but you know that they are there'. At this point I would like to say 'Big up to the Maerdy Massive' - you know who you are' !! Thanks. The red terminal on a car battery .........now there's another positive!!!

 

35. Fundraising diary note: 20.01.11 Call me over cautious but in preparation for any unforseen circumstances during my first twelve hour 'training walk' up on the Malvern Hills this Saturday, I have been reading some survival skills books. One of them is 'Watch What You Eat' by Ed Ible (!!) In brief, so far I have learned that I need to be absolutely sure that I know what I am eating before putting it in my mouth. Basically, I shouldn't eat anything that I can't identify. I'm not suggesting that my wife needs to enhance her cullinary skills, but since I met her I have lived my life by this rule anyway!! Did you know that the 'Death Cap' (Amanita Phalloides) is a beautiful and 'tasty' looking mushroom? - however, just one specimen is sufficient enough to cause a painful death. Considering that my wife and I have not spoken to each other for three days since arguing about whose turn it was to clean up the dog muck in the garden - it is imperative that I keep this information from her! Over the passed thirteen years I have become accustomed to my wife's varying terms of affection such as 'go jump in a lake you lazy good for nothing waste of space'. With the 'Death Cap' in mind - at this present time, should my wife offer to make me a morning 'fry up' then I am going to choose to decline. I choose life!!

 

36. Fundraising diary note: 20.01.11 One of the other survival skills books that I am reading is 'Do or Die' by Jim Reaper (!!) I have learned that should I ever find myself stranded in the wild, there are certain things that can mean the difference between life and death - and that something as simple as a piece of cotton can do plenty of good.

 

Step 1. Build a shelter. Step 2 Quickly think about all possible options and be decisive about what the best survival course of action is. Step 3. Use the lenses of a magnifying glass to start a fire. Step 4. Carve a knife from wood for hunting. Step 5. Set a trap. Step 6. Create a smoke signal.

 

Furthermore, the Five 'W's of survival are Weather (know what kind of shelter you need). Wood (how much wood is around for both fire and shelter?). Wigglies (spiders, snakes....anything that can bite you or poison you). Widowmakers (trees, rocks, large animals....anything that can fall on you or attack you)....and Water (where will you get it and how will you obtain it?) However, considering that from the top of the Malvern Hills it is possible for me to actually see my house - the most useful tip that one could give me to ensure my survival would be the sixth 'W' (!!) ............ Wave and shout 'Woo ooo' (!!) Should this not achieve the desired outcome then I may have to consider taking my top off, thus exposing my less than tanned and 'blinding' torso that I am pretty damn sure would catch someone's eye! My only concern would be that this would be so overwhelmingly dramatic and unpredictable that people could be forgiven for thinking that it was the 'Second Coming'!!

 

37. Fundraising diary note: 21.01.11 To ALL those people who are following my diary notes on this page......I hope you are BOTH well !! Well, my ruck sack is packed ready for tomorrow's 'training walk' - I've got tuna and sweetcorn sandwiches, two packets of 'Wotsits', a packet of 'HobNobs', four 'Penguins', three bananas, a litre bottle of 'Dandelion and Burdock'...and this week's edition of 'Take A Break' magazine! (I like to read the problem pages on my lunch break!!). Anyway, in relation to my walk tomorrow - just as a pre-caution should you notice that I have not added any diary notes on this page for the next 48 hours  - then it might mean that I have not returned! Despite my recently gained knowledge on how to survive in the wild - I would be more than grateful if you could find it in you to contact the emergency services - 'cause one thing is for sure....my wife won't! Thank you.

 

38. Fundraising diary note: 22.01.11 Well, for those who are bothered (!!) it is now 7.36p.m. and I have just returned from my first twelve hour training walk. Generally, it was successful, but I think I may have over done it somewhat. Firstly I think I wore too many layers of clothing because I was sweating like a pig - and before I’d even reached the end of my drive I had lost one and a half stones in body weight!! Further more, not only have I now got blisters the size of Bristol - but I can now no longer feel my legs!!

To be honest, I was ‘out and about’ for twelve hours but I didn’t actually walk for the whole duration of this time. I stopped off at the popular St. Ann’s Well café for a light refreshment and to address my elimination needs (!!). However, due to the lock on the cubicle toilet door becoming jammed I wasted an hour and a half! I envisaged that I would probably spend some time on my backside during the walk due to potential slips, trips and falls - but I wasn’t expecting to be on my backside due to being stuck in the ‘gents loo !! Not only do I suffer from ‘Acrophobia’ but I also suffer from ‘Claustrophobia’ so the whole experience was very traumatic indeed!!

 

I thoroughly enjoyed the walk. It gave me an opportunity to develop my appreciation of ‘the great outdoors‘. Call me dramatic, but I actually felt the walk to be very therapeutic and all my observations of my surroundings ie beautiful views, sunshine and wildlife gave me a real sense that I was ‘at one‘ with nature. Even more so, judging by the amount of sheep ‘shush‘ on the soles on my new boots! Over the years my Father-in-Law has introduced me to the fascinating past time of bird watching, so I paid particular interest in spotting birds along my journey. Yes, it’s true to say that my Father-in-Law has opened up a whole new world to me - I can now almost tell the difference between a blackbird and a blue tit !! Talking of ’tits’ I was so disappointed to discover how much litter people had dropped up on the hills! I felt obliged to do my bit and so I picked up all unsavoury items along my way. I have returned home with three empty crisp packets, two empty cans of ‘pop’, a ‘Lil-Lets’ tampon - and a traffic cone!

I was faced with numerous challenges during the walk today such as the elements, steep inclines and fatigue. However, the biggest challenge of all was trying to get into my house on my return after discovering that my wife had changed the locks! Luckily after much grovelling, a bunch of white Lillies, a box of 'Terry’s All Gold' - and my promise that I would do the ironing for the rest of the year, ..she let me in!

As I have mentioned before - the route I was walking incorporated my old school sponsored walk route. I hadn’t walked some parts of the hills since 1984! Amazingly, as I walked I found my old ‘I Love Adam and the Ants’ pin badge that I lost on the sponsored walk way back then! (it’s true!)

At one point during the walk I became particularly concerned as I felt like I was becoming lost. I didn’t recognize some areas and to be honest I didn’t have a bl@@#y clue where I was! Furthermore, I came across a party of twelve walkers, all with ‘Geordie’ accents. Until I spotted the No. 44 bus to Worcester in the distance, I actually thought that I had crossed too many borders!!

After about five hours of walking I was beginning to feel rather tired. I was teased and tortured by mental images of me sat in my nice warm lounge with a cup of tea and a ‘Hobnob’!! I’ll be honest with you - the thought of me returning home was tempting but I then reminded myself of the reason why I was walking in the first place - for Dad. I carried on.

 

Further on into the walk, as I approached the steep incline of the Worcestershire Beacon I could feel myself ‘flagging’ again. Fortunately I bumped into Mrs.Wilson who lives across the road. She was walking her dog - and very kindly assisted me up the hill. She’s marvellous for 87 years of age - legs like tree trunks!!

A particular nice part of the walk was when I was joined by a lovely chap called Mark who was a self-employed electrician from Tredegar. He sat on a bench with me and shared my bottle of ‘Dandelion and Burdock’. Mark shared with me how 2010 was a very significant year for him. Not only had he turned fifty - but in September last year  he popped back home during a working day to get some insulating tape and some wire strippers - and shockingly walked in on his wife in bed with the man from ‘Kleeneze’! He told me how his suspicions grew when he discovered an excessive amount of ‘shammy’ leathers and dusters under the kitchen sink!! Poor chap! Anyway, fortunately he was getting his life back on track and had recently discovered a new interest - rambling in the great outdoors! Divorce proceedings are under way but about four weeks ago he started a new relationship - with Mother Nature herself. Brief as it was, we rapidly developed a rapport. After an exchange of email addresses, a handshake  - and an invitation to his son’s Stag do' in May, we went our separate ways. Good luck to you Mark and I wish you every success with Mother Nature. (!!)

During the walk I came across the Malvern Hills Hotel so I ‘popped’ in to use their loo (but avoided the cubicles!!). I couldn’t help but treat myself to a quick pint of ‘Carlsberg’ whilst I was there. Considering that I am sometimes referred to as ‘Two Pint Jon’, this was a big mistake!! Much of the remainder of the walk is all but a blur!! However, I do recall a loud, irritating, obnoxious, self-obsessed, attention seeking woman in the bar who was voicing her disgust at the price of ‘cherry tomatoes’ in Waitrose! Like anyone else I am more than aware of the increasing cost of food these days. Get over it love - we’re all in the same boat! Anyway, she should think herself lucky she can afford to shop in Waitrose!

One thing that I noticed on the walk was how I kept having to re-adjust the straps on my rucksack. The weight of the rucksack was playing havoc with my weak left shoulder. Back in February 2006 I acquired a ‘breakdance’ injury during an alcohol fuelled ‘mature’ student’s night out! My shoulder has never been the same since. I actually do believe that the cause of my bald spot is from spinning on my head in the early 1980’s!!

So, all in all, today’s walk has been eventful but enjoyable. It has shown me that I most certainly have a long way to go with regards to my training. I look forward to it though. As long as I keep focusing on why I am doing it I will be ok. Dad,.. my shoulder hurts, my feet are covered in blisters, I can’t feel my legs - and I lost a pound coin - .....but you are worth it!

 

39. Fundraising diary note: 23.01.11 Hi there. This is Jon's wife, Manda. Just to let you know, that as a result of yesterday's excessive amount of walking Jon is unable to move let alone get out of bed! It is very unlikely that he will be able to add to this fundraising page in the next 24 hours or so. Besides, before he does - he has got ironing to catch up on! Furthermore, if he thinks that I will be waiting on him hand and foot he is very much mistaken! As I write, I can hear him beckoning me from upstairs. Unlucky Jon - I'm off out to 'New Look'!

 

40. Fundraising diary note: 23.01.11 Good news - not only can I now feel sensation in my legs and have managed to drag myself out of bed - but Nolan has informed me that he will come up from London to stay for the weekend of February 4th and 5th so we can train together. I am looking forward to taking him up the Malvern Hills. Sadly though we won't be able to stop at the Malvern Hills hotel for a liquid refreshment due to Nolan's ban! The last time I took Nolan in to this venue he caused an altercation! He put £13.50 into the juke box and repeatedly played 'Do The Dog' by The Specials! As if this wasn't annoying enough for the locals - he accompanied the song with a dance routine that would have led you to believe that he was on a concoction of crack cocaine and amphetamines!! Personally I think it was his aggressive shouting of  'Heads up Malvernites - Rude Boy is in town' that sealed the ban!! Now, those of you who know Nolan know that he is no dancer (!!). Actually, his 'Rude Boy' performance was the first of the two times that I have seen him dance in the five years that I have known him. The first time was in 'Chicago's' night club in Worcester where he got thrown out for approaching girls with his t-shirt pulled up over his head - whilst saying 'Hello, my name is John Merrick'!!! Shame on you Nolan!! I'm looking forward to seeing Finchley's very own 'rude boy' - but I hope he leaves his sick sense of humour behind!!!!!

 

41. Fundraising diary note: 24.01.11 I received a lovely letter with a donation this morning from my Dad's friend. The letter was very touching and complimentary of Dad. Dad's friend has suggested that in order to encourage more donations, it might be worth me considering doing the mountain trek challenge 'in the buff'! This thought takes me back to 1997 when I was camping on a 'stag do' in Pembrokeshire. Whilst I was refreshing myself in a cubicle tent shower - someone had the bright idea of completely lifting up the cubicle, thus exposing me in all my glory to the rest of the campsite! I ran into the bushes screaming like a big girl with only a bar of soap to help try and provide some dignity!!! I was later told that my 'backside' was SO white, that as I bounced from tree to tree trying to find some cover - fellow campers mistook me for 'Willo The Wisp'!! So, I am not so sure about the 'in the buff' idea thank you very much! My Dad's friend has also advised me that the main items I need for the trek are a good sturdy pair of boots - and a tub of vaseline. (to try and prevent blisters I presume?) Considering that at base camp I will probably be 'spooning' with Nolan, I think I will leave the latter behind thank you very much!!!!!!!!(Mom, if you ever read this blog (?) then I am sorry!)

 

42. Fundraising diary note: 25.01.11 I had a shock this morning - my brother rang me to say 'congratulations' with regards to the ever increasing amount of donations so far! I told him it was nothing to do with me as I have not donated myself (!!) - but nevertheless I am thrilled at people's generosity! His telephone call was a huge shock considering that 1. he never usually rings...and 2. I'm more likely to spontaneously combust than receive a compliment from my brother!!! However, the biggest shock of all this morning was when my ten year old daughter completely 'out of the blue' asked me .....'Daddy, what is a period?' I nearly choked on my 'Sugar Puffs'! I realise that my daughter is growing up so I knew this day was coming!! Nevertheless, I've preferred to 'bury my head in the sand' and live in denial! What is she asking me for?!....I can't even get my head around women's bra sizes let alone a woman's menstrual cycle!! Anyway, my immediate 'Fatherly' response to her question was no different from any other Fathers - ie, I proceeded to shout out to my wife - 'MANDAAAA' !!! Unfortunately, Manda did not materialize straight away and I was struggling to delay my daughter's curiosity. So after some quick thinking I cowardly proceeded to tell my daughter that a 'period' was a measurement of time!! (phew!! that was a close one!!)

 

43. Fundraising diary note: 25.01.11 It has just occurred to me that tonight is 'Burns Night' - celebrating the life and poetry of Scottish poet Robert Burns, born 25th January 1759. I am surprised that I had forgotten this as it is a date that I usually remember, despite it bringing back traumatic memories for me! On this night in 2006 I recall my wife and I went out for a meal with friends to a mexican restaurant in Worcester. My wife was heavily pregnant at the time and her condition dominated the conversation. The baby was particularly 'active' during the evening - most probably due to my wife's order of 'Chili Relleno'!! As I leaned over the table to feel my wife's 'bump',-  the flame from the table candle set my jumper alight! Fortunately, a quick thinking waitress smothered me with a table cloth and doused me with a soft drink! I only suffered minor singeing to the hairs on my ears - but more damaging than that, the humiliation and half suppressed laughs from fellow customers nearly killed me!! 'Burns' Night - how apt!! Five years on and on every January 25th since, we have always refrained from not only using candles - but also the cooker!! A traditional 'Burns Night' celebratory supper??.....not for me thank you! I'm looking forward to a nice cold tomato and lettuce bagette tonight!!

 

44. Fundraising diary note: 25.01.11 A representative from the Alzheimer's Society was speaking on the local radio station this morning. It was an interesting article but somewhat discouraging when the discussion was prominently about sub-standard care within identified areas of older adult services, be it support provided at home or within residential care/nursing homes. Of course this isn't the case for ALL, but without a doubt some counties are providing a better service than others! A key issue in the discussion was the importance of looking after the carers to enable them to cope in often very difficult circumstances, thus ensuring that their loved ones can stay at home for as long as possible - and that they themselves stay well! As stated in the discussion, in certain areas there is a failing to do this, so many carers are desperately relying on family support. As I was listening to it I reminded myself of how fortunate I feel to be in a loving and supportive family that naturally pulls together in the face of adversity. The song that was immediately played after the discussion was the 1979 classic 'We Are Family' by Sister Sledge. I thought this was a very appropriate song to the article and one that I could certainly connect with. 'We are family........I got all my sisters with me' - my sisters being my younger sister Sian....and my older brother Dave!!!

 

45. Fundraising diary note: 25.01.11 I had the good fortune of speaking with the former co-ordinator of the Alzheimer's Society Carers Group in Bromsgrove today - Jose Holmes. I rang her telephone number about a work related matter initially. Anyway, I  found her to be very helpful, informative and understanding  - and as a carer herself for twenty years has invaluable experience of life with dementia. Without a doubt, in the brief twenty minutes or so that I spoke with her, I detected how inspiring she must be to those who she comes across. Although she has now resigned from the co-ordinating role, she is still very much an advocate for those who are living with dementia and clearly exhudes passion and a determination to achieve better outcomes for these people. I have to say, that I am sometimes guilty of feeling at a loss with regards to how the world is turning these days - and I find myself challenging the changing priorities that we generally seem to be witnessing within our society. How much longer must we suffer in our 'brainwashing make me rich make me famous self indulgent celebrity obsessed love me to death cess pit'?! Stop the world - I want to get off! However, people like Jose Holmes and the many people who are supporting 'the cause', make it so much easier for me to step down off my soap box....and refrain from taking Valium!! People like you. Keep the faith - and turn off your telly!!

 

46. Fundraising diary note: 30.01.11 As I have mentioned before, Nolan is coming up from London this weekend so that we can train together. It will be the first time that we have trained together since he approached me about particiapating in the mountain trek. I am looking forward to it and I plan to 'support' (!!) him across the Malvern Hills via a 'pitstop' for a light liquid refreshment!! However, yesterday I was sorry to hear that Nolans pain in his foot is still ongoing and that he is continually having problems with weight bearing (no doubt not disimilar to Michelle's experience as 'cuddly' Nolan's girlfriend!!!!!! - mind you, I wouldn't be surprised if Nolan is considering releasing a 'before and after' fitness DVD!!!)  I am concerned for Nolan especially as the mountain trek is going to be very physically challenging. However, I detected that Nolan is more concerned about his recently sprained wrist and that he will have difficulty in holding his pint at the 'pit stop'!!

 

47. Fundraising diary note: 30.01.11 Today I had a lovely chat with my Mom and Dad about how long they had been married (my Dad stated his usual predictable comment  -  'I would serve less time  for murder'!!). A song that is representative of the love between my parents is 'Sealed with a Kiss' by The Four Voices (but the Brian Hyland version in 1962). The success of their forty seven year long marriage is awe inspiring to my wife and I - or at least it used to be! Back in 1996 when we first met 'Our' song was the amazing and romantic 'Purple Rain' by Prince. However, it is probably fair to say that our love for each other has been somewhat challenged over the past fifteen years or so, considering that these days we are more likely to play Fleetwood Mac's 'Go Your Own Way' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

48. Fundraising diary note: 30.01.11 Further on from my point raised in diary note no. 45 - four days on from being revealed at the completely pointless National TV Awards - today whilst in the queue at Morrison's supermarket I over heard a conversation between two women fondly talking about Cheryl Cole's new 'slightly above the bottom' tattoo! Do us humans have nothing better to talk about? Do we not feel led to spend a thought more so on others who are more deserving of our time and energy? Are we that deluded to give a stuff about such shallow and superficial issues? Apparently we are. However, as I go walking up on the Malvern Hills this weekend with plenty of time to think - the last thing that I will be pondering on will be the tacky 'scribbly doodle' on Cheryl Cole's 'behind'. Talking of 'behind', that is exactly where Nolan will be as we tackle the hills together this weekend!!

 

49. Fundraising diary note: 31.01.11 Today I was approached by one of the few people who have nothing better to do than to follow my diary notes (!!) They have told me that I am being too harsh with my references to my wife, Manda - especially considering that if truth be told, we do actually get on - and are more than capable of remaining in the same room as each other for at least an hour!!

 

It's hard to accept that we have now been married for over eleven years. It seems like only yesterday that I was stood at the front of the church with my brother as best man - awaiting my bride. I remember feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the occassion and I could feel myself 'welling up' with worry, fear and dread as I awaited my fate!! It was the kind of 'sick to my stomach' feeling that I experience on my approach to drive over a railway crossing - especially if the barriers are down!!!! My brother noticed that I was becoming emotional - and leaned in towards me to say in his own 'supportive' and 'reassuring' way - 'for God's sake man, pull yourself together - there are people watching'. He was such a rock for me that day!! I wore a blue velvet suit at our wedding and I can recall him complimentary saying to me that I looked like a cross between Austin Powers and 'Trigger' from Only Fools and Horses! Thanks Dave!!

 

Like I said, it's hard to believe that we are eleven years on since that 'special' day - but as those who know my wife know, it’s been a 'rocky' road  - what with her frequent temper tantrums…..drug addiction……and numerous ‘anti social behaviour orders’!!!!!!!!!!! Fortunately I guess, being the accepting, patient and tolerant person that I am, we have managed to see it through together!!!!!!

However, it is fair to say that despite our own love for each other, the success of our eleven year marriage has been partly aided by our close supportive network of people who have made life that little bit easier for us - and who have been there for us with their love and support in any which way they can - people who Manda and myself love dearly. We thank them for all they do for us - to name just a few things……baby sitting, dog sitting, dog walking, taking the kids out, taking the kids on holiday, making us a stair gate, fixing our toilet flush, cleaning our car, re felting the roof on our ‘outhouse’, putting up our garden gate, ritualistically washing and ironing my ‘Simple Minds’ t shirts for me, doing our laundry when the washing machine breaks, making us Sunday lunches, for always having ample supply of cakes and biscuits for us to help ourselves to - and for chucking shed loads of cash at us over the years! This has never been expected or wished for - but always gratefully received - and spent!! And finally, we thank my wife's parents for the best thing that’s ever happened to us since the kids were born - buying us an electric tin opener!!!! We sincerely thank them all for all they've done and continue to do - and for basically being themselves - and that includes my brother Dave despite his ritualistic cross-dressing on the first Friday of every month!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I guess at this point while I am being 'over emotional' I should take the opportunity to thank my wife, Manda - for being such an incredible wife, a hard working Mother - and a best friend! I know it’s hard to believe and I know that she will disagree (!!) - but I am actually quite difficult to live with!!!!! So I thank her for accepting me for what I am - the good, the bad and the ugly - and for tolerating all of the things that I get up to  - and this includes recently where I have taken to dressing up as an 'Ewok' and gone door to door knocking - proclaiming the demise of Darth Vader and the Imperial Alliance!!! Manda might have tolerated this but the neighbours most certainly haven’t!!

There’s so much to thank her for - her love and support, her kind and caring nature, her maturity and immaturity, her ‘creative’ skills (although these are not in the kitchen!!) her help in doing up my cuff links, laces and tie (!!) her ability to not take life too seriously,…and how she never gossips or expresses any ill feeling towards anyone (well,.... only my Mom!!!!) her ‘dizziness’,  her ‘what will be will be’ outlook on life, her ability to see the ‘best’ in people, her positive spirit in challenging circumstances - so much so that she could even see a positive side to a nucleur war!! …..and of course for the time and effort she invests into our family that keeps us secure in the cycle of chaos that we have become accustomed to!!!!….chaos? Yes - but it is OUR chaos!!

So, I thank her for being herself  - despite her always leaving crumbs on the kitchen work surfaces, despite her ‘messy’ side of the bed,…despite her over purchasing of expensive celebrity and ‘House Beautiful’ magazines, despite her dedicated viewing of BBC1's ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, despite her delusional admiration for the shallow and wretched so called glamour model Jordan, ……and despite her excessive use of salt, caffeine, sugar, the electric portable fan heater, …my side of the bed….bad language ......and crack cocaine!!!!!!!!!!!! May the force be with her - always!!!

 

50. Fundraising Diary Note: 08.02.11 The training walk on the Malvern Hills last Saturday was generally successful - and eventful! Our destination was to reach the 'Obilisk' - Eastnor's equivalent to the towering Eye of Sauron in Moordor (!!) and then return just in time for 'Harry Hill's TV Burp'!!!

In brotherly love and to the sound of the moving 'In To The West' from 'The Lord of the Rings' film soundtrack we helped each other prepare for the trek - waterproofs on, hats on, boots on - and all 'creamed' up and ready to go! Vaseline in between the toes is very effective at keeping blisters at bay. Just when I thought I knew him, I discovered how 'ticklish' and vulnerable Nolan is around his little toes! Nolan asked if it was necessary for us to apply Vaseline to other parts of our bodies - (??) Nolan, we are close - but not that close!! It was an emotional yet almost disturbing scene!!

So off we went into the unknown with a ruck sack full of lembas bread (!!)  a 'five pack' of 'Snickers' bars, one pair of gloves between us - and the West Midlands Search and Rescue Team emergency number on speed dial! We were like Malvern's very own Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee leaving The Shire'!!

It would appear that out of the two of us, Nolan has a little further to go than I with regards to enhancing our fitness. We hadn't quite reached the end of my road before he was 'thumbing' for a lift!! Unsurprisingly, this was to no avail (well, I mean...would you have picked us up??!!) so we settled down on the nearest street bench and shared a 'Snickers'!!

The walk up on the Malvern Hills was the first time that Nolan had worn his new 'Havainas' walking boots and 'Berghaus' waterproof jacket. Nolan was particularly pleased with his new hiking gear - especially his jacket that sports under arm 'pit zips' for increased ventilation to keep one cooler and more comfortable. A creative invention indeed. Unfortunately though it wasn't the only zip he kept fiddling with during the trek! It was most embarrassing!!

The training trek to the 'Obilisk' was not without its challenges, but none more 'testing' than Nolan's continual whining of 'Are we nearly there yet'? Furthermore, the consequence of Nolan enjoying a 'Chicken Vindaloo' the night before completely overpowered all of the natural elements that we were anticipating!! It goes without saying that I did my utmost to ensure that I always remained in front!!

An eventful part of the walk was when Nolan and I met a group of ramblers at the top of the Worcestershire Beacon. They told us that they traditionally met on the first Saturday of every month to walk on the hills. When Nolan asked how they all initially came to be a group, they replied that they all belonged to Mensa - to which Nolan embarrassingly replied 'Oh right, I have experience of working with people with learning difficulties too'!!!!!!!! Tut!!

We eventually reached our destination at the all seeing 'Obilisk' of Eastnor (!!) and in complete exhaustion we dramatically fell to the floor in a heap. Fortunately I didn't hurt myself as I landed on something soft - Nolan!! There wasn't a soul to be seen. As the clouds gathered above and the darkness brushed up against us, we lay there isolated - feeling cold, wet, hungry and fatigued. As my head rested on Nolan's midriff and he reassuringly stroked my bald spot, images of Frodo and Sam lying helpless at the fiery foot of Mount Doom 'popped' into my head - and I turned to my friend and said 'I'm glad to be with you Nolan Kuklinski - here at the end of all things'!! Just then I received a text message from my wife telling us to be home within an hour as she was putting the tea on!!

With heads bowed and feet dragging we started to make our way back home. Sadly Nolan's new boots brought him blisters and pain - and he was struggling to walk. I helped him up on to his feet - and threw him over my shoulder! Unfortunately this nearly killed me - so I thought 'sod this for game of soldiers' and dropped him! At one point I tried to drag him behind me by his rucksack but to no avail. Clearly, we were struggling and I was getting worried that it was getting darker - and even more worried that I was going to miss 'Harry Hill's TV Burp'!! So, as a true friend I realised that was only one thing left to do.............leave him!!

I kind of feel a bit guilty because the West Midlands Search and Rescue Team were very busy that day and had to pull in volunteers  to go and fetch Nolan. The good news is that Nolan returned home safely - and I got to watch 'Harry Hill'!!. The bad news is that his tea was burnt - and he hasn't spoken to me since!!

 

51. Fundraising Diary Note: 12.03.11 It's been a while since I last wrote a fundraising note and I can only apologise to the two people who are following my diary!! My absence has been due to unforseen circumstances that have consisted of a nasty computer virus, an increased amount of ironing (my sole responsibilty in order to keep my wife!!!), a rekindled obsession to watch 'The Royle Family' every night - and more recently,.... alien abduction! Alien abduction is not such a bad thing as it gives my wife much needed respite to maintain her mental wellbeing in my absence (apparently I am difficult to live with - can't see how myself!!). It would also give me the opportunity to ask them questions about Area 51, alien technology, teleportation, time travel devices - and most importantly, how is E.T. getting on and did he ever take up BMX when he got home? These are things that keep me awake at night!! Without wanting to sound over dramatic, I think I would find being abducted by aliens very refreshing considering that sometimes I don't actually feel that I belong to this world - or at least I find it hard to relate to our society as it is today - with its corrupt and immoral interventions, changing priorities, celebrity worship, self obsession - and Kerry Katona! Need I go on? I know I am not alone here...................to be continued........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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