In the early hours of Wednesday 22nd October 2014 our son Toby took his own life. He was 33 years’ old

This is written not to shock or upset but to break the ridiculous taboo that suicide is shameful to those left behind; a guilty secret never mentioned.

Unfortunately, Suicide is the single biggest killer of men aged 20 to 45 in the UK and what is shameful is that this fact is not more widely known or the support given to those young men who need it. 

We all make a few bad decisions in our life, but the consequences of Toby’s were out of all proportion to his actions. To the very end he tried to act with consideration and honor toward others and was baffled and surprised when others did not. For Toby, the continual fight, the pain and loss were not great to bear. He had suffered more in the last months of his life that anyone could be expected to withstand

We will all carry Toby in our hearts for the rest of our lives. It is not something I would wish on any parent but it is something that could affect us all. 

"The majority of individuals who commit suicide do not have a diagnosable mental illness. They are people just like you and I who at a particular time are feeling isolated, desperatelyunhappy and alone." ~ Margaret Appleby & Margaret Condonis 

Sally and I have lost our eldest son, who was born from our love when we were very young and that love has spread through him to his children, his brothers and all his friends. He was passionate, willful and tender. Lola and Ewan have lost their daddy and we must find the words to express the depth of his love and devotion to them.

Adam and David have lost their brother and comrade in arms in many adventures, some of which I do not wish to know about!

He has left a Toby shaped hole in all our lives which cannot be filled, and can only be endured, how I don’t know.

Toby's last message was of love, for his children, his brothers and us.

78% of all UK suicides are male and the Campaign Against Living Miserably is a charity dedicated to preventing male suicide. If they can reach out to just one more young man who needs their help as a result of your generous donations, then I will consider my very small efforts worth it. 

We will not perpetuate the silence, the stigma or the shame.