Raising money for my Angel's headstone
Vivien Barath is raising money for Sands, the stillbirth and neonatal death charity
In memory of Mason Heskel
Story
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It has been almost 4 years since my baby passed but I still write this with a heavy heart and eyes filled with tears... On the 1st of February 2016 my Angel Baby, Mason was still-born at 37 weeks into my pregnancy! His heart had stopped beating on the 28th of January where I felt no fetal movememts from the morning to noon. I rushed to the hospital and was told the devestating news that my baby's heartbeat is no longer clear and loud, no longer racing. I was sent home from the hospital and asked to come back 3 days later to give birth. I came home empty and broken with a big piece of me missing, but yet still hoping it's just a nightmare! They lied to me, I still felt him kicking(ai thought I did)
I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to talk or even breathe. The pain i have felt is something I want no one to experience. When reality really hit me and I relised I will never be able to make memories with him, dress him, feed him, calm him when he is upset... I won't be able to see my baby ever again I wanted to stop living. I was ready to give up. Everything went black.
On Sunday the 31st of January I went back into the hospital feeling strong for a second and building up hope. Hope that my baby will cry, I will feel his warmth. On the 1st of February at 3am I had to face the truth. The truth that my life will never be the same again, I will never be the same person. I had to face the fact that My Baby is gone. I blamed myself, I wanted to get answers, explenations of why this happened. As time went along results came back of the tests they done and there was nothing! No reason for why my baby left me. No parent should go through such awful thing!
There is no worse thing in life that can mesure to losing a loved one... Losing your child. As time has passed I learned to deal with my grief and no matter what l, life goes on. But the pain is still just as bad and I remember that day like it was yesterday, time does not heal, just teaches! Thankfully my beautful 8 year old boy and Mason's little rainbow baby brother Dominic(almost 2 years old) showed me that life is always worth living, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. And I am greatful for carrying an Angel for 8 months and that I got to hold one for some hours which seemed like seconds!
I am raising money to help with the cost of his headstone for his forever garden which I have chosen a long time ago but was never in the position to pay for. The full cost is 3300 and I am hoping to raise half of this. If you think this is something you could help with I would be forever grateful!
Thank you!
It has been almost 4 years since my baby passed but I still write this with a heavy heart and eyes filled with tears... On the 1st of February 2016 my Angel Baby, Mason was still-born at 37 weeks into my pregnancy! His heart had stopped beating on the 28th of January where I felt no fetal movememts from the morning to noon. I rushed to the hospital and was told the devestating news that my baby's heartbeat is no longer clear and loud, no longer racing. I was sent home from the hospital and asked to come back 3 days later to give birth. I came home empty and broken with a big piece of me missing, but yet still hoping it's just a nightmare! They lied to me, I still felt him kicking(ai thought I did)
I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to talk or even breathe. The pain i have felt is something I want no one to experience. When reality really hit me and I relised I will never be able to make memories with him, dress him, feed him, calm him when he is upset... I won't be able to see my baby ever again I wanted to stop living. I was ready to give up. Everything went black.
On Sunday the 31st of January I went back into the hospital feeling strong for a second and building up hope. Hope that my baby will cry, I will feel his warmth. On the 1st of February at 3am I had to face the truth. The truth that my life will never be the same again, I will never be the same person. I had to face the fact that My Baby is gone. I blamed myself, I wanted to get answers, explenations of why this happened. As time went along results came back of the tests they done and there was nothing! No reason for why my baby left me. No parent should go through such awful thing!
There is no worse thing in life that can mesure to losing a loved one... Losing your child. As time has passed I learned to deal with my grief and no matter what l, life goes on. But the pain is still just as bad and I remember that day like it was yesterday, time does not heal, just teaches! Thankfully my beautful 8 year old boy and Mason's little rainbow baby brother Dominic(almost 2 years old) showed me that life is always worth living, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. And I am greatful for carrying an Angel for 8 months and that I got to hold one for some hours which seemed like seconds!
I am raising money to help with the cost of his headstone for his forever garden which I have chosen a long time ago but was never in the position to pay for. The full cost is 3300 and I am hoping to raise half of this. If you think this is something you could help with I would be forever grateful!
Thank you!