Story
Please scroll to see photos of Ben, Annabel & CAFC.
Hello, my name is Annabel. I’m 49 years old, Welsh and menopausal! I live in Plumstead (London) with my husband Taj and my three children. I love my family, friends, Charlton Athletic and Prosecco! I work as a Teaching Assistant in a local primary school and as a casual for GLL. I have been running for about three years. Some days, I would rather lick a wasp than go out running but I do it because I feel good after and because it enables me to eat more chocolate. At the time of writing this, I have never ran a marathon.
In July 2021, a neighbours’ son (Ben Jay) was diagnosed with Hepatocellular Carcinoma Cancer (HCC). Mr Jay (Garry), works at the school my three children attend(ed). Garry and his wife Sharon are well known and liked in Plumstead. To quote an ex-pupil “Mr Jay is a much loved and respected member of our community.” Recently, when it was Ben’s 17thbirthday he was at home. My daughter said that his bedroom window was open and because the children in school knew that he was sick the whole of the playground sang “Happy Birthday” to him. This choked me.
Ben was a typical 17 year old. He loved playing football (Cray Valley U18’s) and watching his favourite team Charlton Athletic. As season ticket holders, I feel justified in saying that being a Charlton Fan is not for the faint hearted. Every time we have a favourite player they always leave. (Hence, I am reluctant to tell you that our favourite players are Conor Washington and Mason Burstow). My best Charlton
memories are camping on the pitch, the on-pitch celebrations following the Doncaster game (18th May 2019), the Wembley 26/05/22 EFL play-off final and seeing Ben lead out the team at the Norwich Game on the 8th Jan this year.
Ben very courageously fought his cancer. He underwent chemo-therapy and several blood transfusions. In November, Garry and Sharon learnt that his chemo hadn’t worked and that there was no
other treatment available. Charlton Athletic are a very caring football club as during this time they really supported Ben, Garry and Sharon. Ben got to meet Jake Forster-Caskey and several other players. He was granted the use of an executive box to watch a game with his friends and family. Thomas Sandgaard, the club’s owner, took the time to meet him. The fans fundraised for him and he got a lot of signed shirts. This meant a lot to Ben’s family and they will forever be grateful for the club and the fans support.
Sharon and Garry shared news of Ben and his treatment on facebook. Seeing Ben’s dramatic deterioration made it real. I saw my own Dad fade and die from cancer. My Dad was in his seventies whereas I felt
Ben was still a child. I can only imagine how brutal and devastating it felt for Garry, Sharon and the family.
On the 4th February, I was walking my daughter to cubs. I was passing Ben’s house as I’d done countless times before. It was very weird as for the first time I noticed his football trophies in his bedroom window and on his shelves. He has a lot. I suddenly felt so sad that he would never play football again. I would see Ben every morning, when I was dropping my daughter to Breakfast Club, he would be getting a lift with his mum to school. My conversations with him were always the same “Are you going to the match on Saturday?” and “Up the Addicks!” Ben
died that evening on the 4th February. I was really sad when I heard.
Although there is nothing that we can say to Garry and Sharon to take their pain away I felt that I needed to do something. This is why I will be running the London Marathon on Sunday 2nd October 2022 in memory of Ben.
I am following a strict training plan running four times per week. I had my last drink on NYE and I will be off the grog until after the marathon. I am determined to get my sturdy menopausal derriere across that finish line. It is my 50th Birthday next year so to my super generous, beautiful friends please, please can you sponsor me in lieu of presents.
Everyone knows how much Ben was loved by his family and friends and how proud they are of him. I will always remember Ben for his big smile and for how he was so courageous and positive right up until the end. I hope now that he’s fit and well, playing lots of football in heaven (for Charlton of course!).
With thanks to Garry and Sharon for allowing me to share Ben's story and photos. In Loving Memory of Ben Jay (05/10/04 - 04/02/22)
August 2022- Since Ben's death his parents have started a Government Petition (Change.org) to review the policy of how 16 and 17 year olds are managed by the NHS. The problem is 16 & 17 year olds can either be treated in Paediatric Care OR Adult Care. This age group is often passed between both services. This wastes precious time and can determine whether a child with cancer survives or dies. Please can you help by signing the petition. The Jay family would really appreciate it. Link:
Review NHS care for 16 and 17 year olds - Petitions (parliament.uk)