My first experience of suicide was aged 18.  I lost someone I cared a lot about.  Someone who had made my teenage years more enjoyable and given me encouragement.  It was a shock.  I remember wanting to go to the funeral and hearing people say things like selfish, and thoughtless.  When I was 21 I was struggling to come to terms with a lot of things.  I decided that suicide was the answer.  I should have become a statistic.  By some miracle I survived and am still here.  What I realised at the time was that a) it wasn't selfish.  When I made that choice I genuinely believed that those around me would be better off without me and b)People are so scared to talk about suicide.  It was like a dirty secret.  To even feel that it was your only option was frowned upon.

In 2016 I joined Ipswich Jaffa Running Club.  I knew all about it because friends were members.  They had just a few months earlier lost one of their members by suicide.  I had met him a couple of times.  A lovely chap.  He had been the life and soul of the club.  I watched as his partner shared her journey.  I watched in awe is what I should say.  That year, as a club we raised money for CALM.  I learned about what they do and felt so strongly about the importance of their work.  Us women talk to each other, but men?  They need to know that it's ok to be vulnerable.  To feel like this.  To be able to open up and talk. 

I'm privileged to have Hannah as my friend.  To be on her journey with her and be able to spread the message through CALM.  

Me running a marathon is worth donating to as it is.  I'm a 40 year, potato shaped bird who has the running speed of a tortoise.  I'm using training for and achieving London Marathon to work through some rubbish stuff we've been through lately and keep me strong.

The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is leading a movement against male suicide, the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK. Our goal is a life less miserable for you, your friends, your family and for all men.CALM'S SOLUTION> A free helpline 0800 585858 and webchat (5pm12am daily), which are confidential, anonymous and staffed by trained professionals> Bereavement support through the Support After Suicide Partnership, hosted by CALM> www.theCALMzone.net is CALMs website, hosting inspiring content written by men for men alongside information and support> Successful campaigns tackling stereotypes of masculinity, suicide and male mental health, including #BiggerIssues, #ManDictionary, #DontBottleItUp and #Project84CALMs helpline and webchat services directly prevented 647 suicides in 2018. Help us save more men's lives.