"Have you still got that piece of shit Boris Bike?" - a concerned fan

I have no doubt there are many of you who thought that living past 30 would be the most significant achievement of my life - well, despite even fizzling out on that particular milestone by passing out at 9pm on two glasses of Melsom's special homemade punch, I have chosen to overlook what was, at best, a minor and insignificant failure and decided to embark on a larger and more significant one instead.

I am therefore venturing on a foolhardy 57 mile cycle from London to Brighton on 16th June. As many of you know, my aversion to exercise and self-discipline is almost legendary, so whilst opportunities to have a laugh at my expense are never that few and far between; I offer you a fantastic chance to combine this with something that will have me grumbling, huffing, sobbing and inevitably, no doubt, cursing you all for the pain and discomfort you've put me through with every bypassed beergarden.

Oh, and to pre-empt the inevitable comments: no, I shall not be tottering out onto a Boris Bike wearing 6 inch Ugg shaped heels, nor keeping myself hydrated with an intravenous supply of my favourite lemonade topped generic cheap lager - I may bring out the turkey hat, however, weather permitting, for those that feel I am not humiliating myself enough. Give generously.

 

 

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