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On Monday the 28th October 2013, I came home from work, like any other day, had my dinner, chilled watching telly, I had been having pains on and off but put that down to stress & nervous having just started a brand new nursery job! Then the pains got worse, worse to the point I couldn't move, or stand, I was crying & even threw up cause it hurt so much! I had no clue what was going on, my (now ex) boyfriend rang the NHS 111 service, they said it sounded like a miscarriage, I was 7 days late earlier in the month but a test came back negative, and then I came on my period. So I was unsure, but it upset me, this would have been my second loss. We got an emergency doctors appointment for that night, my stomach felt sore & swollen, I was exhausted from the pain, I couldn't be a normal miscarriage! Doctors confirmed, I was pregnant!! But losing it. So many mixed emotions was running through my body! I've always wanted a baby, but my baby, my second baby, was dying! I told them it didn't feel like a normal miscarriage but, they seemed to think it was. They got me an emergency scan for four days later. The next few days was just a blur, I cried a lot & tried to ease the pain, I told work I wouldn't be in for a few days, just want I needed on my third week! I felt so alone, all I wanted was my baby to be okay! But Thursday came, the 31st October 2013, I had my scan, there was nothing there, I hadn't been bleeding so it hadn't passed. I had an internal scan right after, then that when they told me, it wasn't a normal miscarriage like I said, i was having an Ectopic Pregnancy, (for those who don't know, am Ectopic Pregnancy is where the baby comes down the Fallopian tube, & gets stuck there. It doesn't die, it gets stuck, & carries on growing. But where my baby was growing in my tube, it had caused my Fallopian tube, to split! So the pain & swollen tummy I was having, was from internal bleeding! I was rushed into surgery there and then, I hadn't even had time to digest what was happening to me & my baby! Laid on the theatre table, looking up at the light with tears in my eyes, counting down from 10 like the ask, my eyes slowing going as I was going under, all I could think was "I love you little one". And when I woke up, I was no longer pregnant. I was hazey, confused, when the nursery came over, the first thing that came out of my mouth was "did they take my baby away?" A line I will never forget! She nodded sympathetically, she didn't even know what to say in that moment. So I broke the awkwardness by throwing up! Classy! Back on the ward I was greeted by my (now ex) boyfriend who informed me my family was on the way to see me. My doctor came in, who was about 5 months pregnant. I felt like someone had come & kicked me in the teeth. She explained what had happened & told me that there was 1.5ltrs of blood in my stomach from internal bleeding & if I had gone another 12-24 hours without surgery, my Fallopian tube would have burst, & I would have died. In that moment, i didn't even care if I had. From then my brain switched off, I was in denial what happened, I was smiling, laughing, I slept fine! I convinced myself I was never pregnant! Reality hit a few days later when my boyfriend said it out loud in an argument. I broke down, it was said out loud, it happened! My baby was gone, & I felt like I was the one who failed. I was so alone, no one understood, I kept getting asked when I was going back to work, but I worked in a nursery! A constant reminder of what I'd lost so suddenly & traumatically! But then, I found the EPT trust online & I shared my story, read others, got so much support & help & they just listened! I met an amazing woman who I still talk to to this day! They make you feel & make you know that you are not alone in this! You have a 1 in 100 chance of having an Ectopic. & once you have one, you have a 1 in 10 chance of having another! It's the most scariest feeling when you see two little lines on a test & your first thought is, "what if it happens again?" THANKFULLY, I went on to have my amazing son, conceived exactly two years later to the day! But my lose one, my little Pip, will always be with me! And I want to make more people aware of Ectopic pregnancy & help those who help me in such a dark sad time in my life! So thank you for being here & helping to! It means the world to me!
Thank you so much for reading & donating
Raffles, games & more for The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust because It's close to my heart
We provide information, support & education to improve the care in ectopic pregnancy
Charity Registration No. 1071811