Hello and welcome to our JustGiving page in memory of Em.

It’s always difficult to know where to start, as trying to capture the experiences Em and I faced fighting cancer in 2011 brings a tidal wave of emotion. Many of you already know the journey we went through and for those that don't, I ask you to spend a few minutes and read Our Story below. I hope you can understand and appreciate how difficult it is to relive and write about that terrible year and I truly feel the narrative below, that was from our 2014 event will always be the benchmark to capturing the essence of Em and the path we both went down together.

Although time moves on and most are now thankfully left with their fond memories of Em, my daily life is still deeply scarred by that year and the loss that follows it.

It’s for these reasons that Macmillan holds such a special place in my heart. Our cancer was so aggressive and fast we didn’t have weeks of care or support provided by Macmillan. However on the final few days of our time together, Em and I were visited by a Macmillan Nurse who personally gifted me with the encouragement, not of a carer or a medical specialist, but of a person. This might sound like a very simple or insignificant thing, but after 11 months of medical terminologies, results and so forth, that respite of normality that was gifted to me in a hospital corridor gave me the empowerment to grant Em’s final wish of returning home.

So for 2015 our annual pilgrimage into the wilds on the Macmillan 4x4 Challenge see’s us doing something a little different. This year come March 6th we’re entering a two car team into the field. Two amazing and well travelled ladies, Domenica Ribaudo and Geraldine Schokman, have elected to show the boys how it's done and will no doubt be doing Em proud by showing Keis and I a clean pair of heels as they enter the event for the first time. 

So come the afternoon of March 6th, Team 9 (Keis & I) and lucky number Team 16 (Dom and Gel) will place all friendship to one side for a few days and embark on our own boys vs girls competition. 

In all seriousness though, Em made a difference to so many in Her life and its my privilege and honour that in undertaking these challenges in Her memory and name, She continues to make a difference to so many others - especially in what is sometimes their darkest hour. 

I hope it will always be strangers, as selfishly cancer has taken enough from my life, but the reality of life is this disease will affect us all in some way in the future and charities like Macmillan really do make a difference in that darkest hour. Please remember this as supporting our amazing teams - Dom, Gel, Keis and I - will provide others with the support and care that makes a difference.

Thank you for your support, all our love Dom, Gel, Keis & Nath x x x x

Our Story - Em and I

I’ll start our story by saying something I’ve repeated time and time again since cancer entered Ems and my life – I pray that all who read this narrative never have the misfortune to experience the journey Em and I went through in 2011. It’s a path no one should ever experience, especially one as kind, caring and loving as the amazing Lady that was taken from us all.

For those of you that never had the fortune to meet or have Em in their lives, I can only describe Her as one of Life’s Greats. She exuded love, compassion, laughter and kindness at a level that simply was unimaginable. She’d light up a room with her smile and made strangers friends in the time most of us would take to simply smile and say ‘hi’. At times when She would hug you, you’d fear for your well being, as every embrace was delivered with a loving force that was well beyond what was imaginable from her petite, five foot one and three quarters frame (that three quarters was very important to acknowledge!). It was this remarkable strength that was tested repeatedly through 2011.

Our love started when we were just youngsters and from the ages of 18 and 19, we were inseparable, sharing what we’d jokingly refer to as the ‘unhealthiest, healthiest relationship' imaginable. We lived a wonderful life, played hard worked harder, bought our first home (a serious case of Grand Doer’upper vs. Grand Design) in 2004 and set our business up too. To say I was a very lucky man sharing a life with Her would be the biggest understatement ever. We were blessed, we never wanted for much, as together we had everything.

Then on New Years Eve of 2010 – when most are preparing for the crazy night of exuberance – our lives changed. What we thought was just a routine check up on a small lump found in Her breast was declared ‘Breast Cancer’. 

Most who know me know I’m not easily stopped – mentally or physically – but when those nine simple words left the doctor’s mouth "I’m sorry Emma, but you do have breast cancer” I literally shut down. For the first time in my life I felt the ‘fight or flight’ reaction and there was no large monster in the confines of the magnolia walled NHS office or similar predatory evil present to create this horrific reaction… just words (or so we thought). Then in a blink of an eye, Em’s calming voice was heard “Oh, ok… so how do we beat it then?” 

Her strength was not of this world. To give you an example of this, on the way back from the hospital diagnosis, whilst I’m fighting back tears, She turns to me in the car, gives me a beautiful smile and goes ‘Well at least 2010 had the bad news in it, come tomorrow (1st Jan 2011) it’s all about treating, beating and recovering from cancer… shall we still go shopping?’ Honestly you cannot comprehend what a force of nature She was.

I’m not going into detail on the following months that preceded this diagnosis, but will say there were very few ups in terms of positive results and the saying ‘Living Hell’ is an understatement. We found that hell had multiple sub basements. You hear terms on TV dramas like ‘Aggressive Cancers’ and ‘Bad cases of the disease’ but honestly the cancer that came into our lives was simply evil. ‘Aggressive’ is too soft a word to describe what Em's cancer was like and the only thing that was as tough as that God awful illness, was Em herself. She met it toe to toe at every stage all the while never losing that beautiful smile and twinkle in Her eyes. I know few meet their heroes… I shared a life with mine.

By now I imagine you’re wondering where the Macmillan link comes in. Well in our story their part was concise, but major. Em fought an amazing battle for 11 months that few could sustain… I used to joke, saying she made fighting cancer look easy and she did. She worked, socialised and made her illness part of Her life... it never became Her life. It was only in those final few weeks that you’d realise how bad her disease truly was, as every time she beat the latest set back, the bloody thing would evolve elsewhere… it simply wasn’t going to let her go. 

It was in these final few days in hospital, that she asked for me to bring her home. It was a decision that was seriously criticised by her consultants and the medical teams, who were rightfully fearful for her deteriorating condition. 

The Macmillan team, that had been a great support to Em in the preceding weeks, were trying their hardest to make the transition to the hospice as the best possible choice for us... but deep down everyone could see Em wanted to be home and I felt that her time with us would be further shortened if she stayed somewhere She didn’t want to be.

She was deteriorating so fast that on the morning when I was returning to her room, following an in-depth conversation with the Macmillan team about the merits of the hospice. The Macmillan Nurse stopped me at Em's doorway, touched my arm and said ‘Professionally and with my head, I must advise you bring Em to the hospice… but in my heart… I hope you get her home’. 

It was those few words – gifted to me from a Nurse I had met only hours before – that gave me the strength to do what was needed and against heated medical advice and with the support of the Macmillan team, Em and I said goodbye to the hospital one final time.

The outcome of our story ended with sadness, as Em lost her battle with cancer the following day. However She passed away in the warmth and comfort of our home and somehow managed to find the strength to give me Her hand in marriage… making me the proudest Husband ever to walk this planet.

Following Em’s passing, I’ve been praised far too many times saying my determination to bring her home was a very brave and admirable thing to do. In truth I was petrified and it was the compassion and care shown to me by Em’s Macmillan Nurse that gave me the strength to do right by Em’s wishes. My life will never be the same - I loved and lost at the highest level - however thanks to Macmillan and its nurses (one in particular) I don’t live with regret now. 

I know most know of Macmillan and understands what it does. However Macmillan is so much more than just a name... it’s an organisation run by people that genuinely care… these selfless individuals make the worse possible times in life, a little more bearable for patients and their families.