I am not one for posting on social media, especially with telling everyone on here about very private and personal things. I have never been good at talking about how I truly feel. Me and my mom Jayne Fernandes have decided to raise money for CAMHS and Mosaic. These charities help support bereaved and struggling children like myself and my little brother. So I feel I should share a little part of my story I could go into extreme detail but it’ll be too long of a post lol. Over the past 18,months since my dad died at home from a cardiac arrest, I still blame myself as I was the one to find him; i know me and my brother and Mom have struggled a lot. I developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from watching everything that happened. I started counselling with mosaic awhile after, at the end of the funded sessions my counsellor forwarded me to camhs as I had further problems. I had been effected greatly, I had lost all my motivation I stayed in my room 24/7 because I was anxious about going out I tried to avoid it the best I could, I have depression, anxiety, I used to try and hide all of this behind a smile because I felt it was my responsibility to look after my mom and my little brother as my dad did. I bottled everything in because I couldn’t talk about my true feelings because I was emotionally dull. This led onto the development of my PTSD and anger. Anger is/was my way of hiding my pain and sadness and guilt. I have always been embarrassed to talk about my feelings because I thought it wasn’t what boys do, and I thought it made me weak to talk about it. This made my PTSD worse, I have flashbacks (where I re-live the trauma) I have distorted thoughts from what happened, I have made myself paranoid about a lot of things. I have attacks where I shake, I have developed a twitch as I result of how anxious I get. This accompanied by my OCD. What helped me was the love and support of my Family you know who you are, my girlfriend at the time❤️and my counsellor and psychiatrists. These people have been there for me more than I can ask for I cant thank you enough. ❤️I have put these people through a lot over this time as I have been very difficult and I’m sorry, I know it has effected them 😞 people that have read this far will probably think that he’s ‘mental’ ‘unstable’ you name it. I know I am very different, and that my Problems have become between some relationships of mine but some things are really not me being a pain it’s my head telling me things. To those that have been affected by me I’m ever so sorry I don’t want to be nasty to people. To those I haven’t allowed another chance to make things right I’m sorry. Everyone deserves a second chance no matter what!
We are going to be holding a 12 hour run/walk in teams so you won’t have to run more than your capable of doing at the local Physiques&Shapes down by the grove from 9am-9pm anyone is welcome and any donations will be greatly appreciated. The donations will be going to CAMHS and Mosaic. The event will be held on the 24th October 2017