My darling Anthony has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer...
I am intending to climb mount Snowdon for him in a weeks time. I haven’t done much training as I kept hoping he’d get better and we’d go as planned - but times ticking on and he’s getting more and more frail - and I felt impelled to do something positive for him - so why not go climb the mountain?
It’s something we’d planned to do together and now, due to his illness - no matter how hard he is fighting it - and wants to carry on with his day to day plans, he isn’t well enough or strong enough for long enough to carry his lil-self even up the stairs to his bedroom... He is in and out of hospital and hoping for that miracle cure - that’s not been discovered yet ...
I want to take the opportunity to raise awareness to this cancer - this ‘awkward’ one to treat. This cancer that raises immediately both eye brows of everyone who knows of this cancer and says “oh. That’s the really bad one. The one that they can’t treat ... poor chap”.
I just want to raise awareness as surely this reaction has to stop? Let it be known that there’s help and ‘hope’ is the biggest of help to anyone faced with the big C - no matter where it strikes...
I would like to think that you’d all donate - even if it’s just the amount of a morning cup of coffee?
If you were faced with an illness - one that was ‘yet’ to have much hope of survival of - would you wish that awareness and research and development was put into it - so you could have more hope of a speedy recovery?
Please let’s dig deep and show a little care and consideration to others around us. Open up your heart and imagine if someone you know and love got it - let the light of hope shine on for my Ant Pants and all the others who suffer this cancer.
*All donations will go directly to the charity as we’ve paid for all the kit and stays for this expedition ourselves and are doing it for Ant Pants regardless!
**All donations are donated with the kindness and goodness in your hearts - so if I fail miserably, don’t be looking for a refund!
***Pancreatic Cancer Action are a national charity dedicated to saving lives by improving early diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and the quality of patient survival. with your help we fund vital research, create medical education programmes, produce national awareness campaigns and vital patient information.Together we can make a difference!
My guiding light when out at 7.10AM Tuesday 20th June 2018 after his battle with Pancreatic Cancer.
He loved me unconditionally and for what reason I will never know. He saw something in me - that no one else did and he always did his best to keep me up and sparkling as bright as I could.
Anthony never sought any gratitude for all he did for me. Anthony did it for me because he could and he would help anyone. I would often tell him how much I appreciated and loved him. I would say “how is it that you came to be so wonderful my darling?” He’d say “years in Mossad”.
I’d laugh and say again “Anthony. You’re my little wonder. You’re everything to me and I love you so much.” He’d say “you can thank my Mother for my greatness”. This was Anthony way, always deflecting compliments.
I’d want him with me everywhere and anywhere - we had a bond that was deeper than any text book relationship... we grew together like two two peas in a pod ... just loving each day and looking forward to the next. Every day we’d see each other - it was like the first time, full of excitable joy and anticipation of what was bound to be another great time.
Anthony would be with me sometimes and the opportunities were there to try stuff - so try we would! He was very strong minded and set in his ways - but he’d look at me and say “Florence. Do you really want me to do this?” And I’d say “yes. I want you to try. Just try. You might like it. If you do - we can do it again”. I took him rowing on lakes and showed him the technique - and although he hated it - he tried and that was all I wanted was for him - to try - I was always so proud of him - as he did everything with a full and honest heart. I took him salsa dancing and he got up with me and we laughed the night away - totally unaware of everyone around us some better dancers some worse - but we didn’t care. We were in it together and that truly was all that mattered to each of us.
I showed him how to serve properly in tennis, we went swimming (although he tried to get out of it saying he forgot his trunks - I just bought him another pair) he loved it. We went cycling and he was in agony for a week after saying “mushrooms aren’t cut out for being mussels”
We went places together and always had so much fun; Henley, Winchester, Lake District, New Forest, Amsterdam, Paris, Rome, Cannes, Venice, Dublin, Wicklow, Watergate Bay, Brighton, Donegal to name a few .... he’d always thank me and I would say “for what?” He’d just smile and say “gurr”. It was his way of saying “because I loved it and I love you for making me live”.
Like a broom - he swept up after me time and time again - after my clueless rapacious soirées, always making me feel good - as he knew I was just like him never boastful jealous or unkind but knew that I often got myself in to situations that needed a superman to bail me out of. He Bailed me time and time again. Anthony was my superhero. I’d tell him so and he’d pretend to tuck his cape into his trousers and look at me and say “sshhhh”
He was part of the Jewish community and knowing Anthony showed me and taught me what decency, kindness and to love truly madly deeply was. He used to say “whilst people didn’t eat bacon for religious reasons youdon’t do religion for bacon reasons! “. I would laugh and he’d say “I can’t take credit for that wit. That’s my great man of a brother in laws wit”.
I often didn’t feel worthy of Anthony and his tremendous family - his beautiful Mother whom from the day we met welcomed me in to their home like I was instantly part of the family. I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that Anthony was for real ... he was as utterly magnificent and genuine as here stood his Mother who is equally as tremendous. Ive never been too lucky in love and often feared that our little bubble would one day burst - so I often had torment with my soul and found myself struggling with how happy Ant made me. Yet he soothed away all my fears with his constant care and affection. He soothed away all my worries by always just saying “gurrr”. To me it meant I love you.
His patience and genuinely caring soul woed me on and spurred us on for our action packed 8 years together - I began to stop worrying and start living in the rhythm of our life together.
Anthony had a crazy sense of humour and one that I used to dampen with my logical mind - which fuelled us on and together we were a whisk away from curdling - but we always seemed to get it right and remained the ultimate cream of the crop.
Being with Anthony the eve before he went to sleep one last time was the hardest moment in my life. Harder than nursing my own mother through her final stages, as she was my Mother and she gave me life - she only wanted me to live mine. With you I found myself living life. And yet, there you were leaving me.
we had so many things to do together still. So many things to see and do and that cruel cancer took all of our dreams away.
Life will go on but without you it will be hard and I’m sure it will never be as good - it will never feel right as you were my right. You got me and I got you. Yes we were weird by other people’s books but you’d say “I don’t read books anyway”.
You were my Mr Right. It’s true that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
You’re irreplaceable my Ant Pants. You were one in a million and I’m so happy we had such a great time. I love you and I always will. I know what love is because I met you and you showed me.
Thank you Ant. Gurrr
Flossie's Ant Pants Stomp
to raise awareness for all battling it! for Pancreatic Cancer Action because Ant Pants has been diagnosed with it & it sucks!