In May 2021, I will be taking on the huge challenge of running the London Landmarks Half Marathon. 

The Story for me has been a complete emotional rollercoaster. With COVID playing a part mentally for us and the restrictions to hospitals for partners which I don’t think is right at all, it’s heart breaking to think that without this going on, I would probably not be writing this. 

When I got the call from my wife to say ‘we’ve lost her’ my head and emotional state could only be described as something you see in the movies. I really don’t know how I got to the hospital, that journey will stick with me forever. To be running into maternity and to the room to just fall on the floor in a distraught heap shouting ‘why why why’. After calming down and somehow getting to terms with what’s happened, the next news hit me. Holding Rach’s hand, feeling it and her body get colder, I knew something wasn’t right. With more and more doctors and staff coming into the room, my anxiety was kicking in, something I’ve never really suffered with, but I knew I needed to stay calm for Rach’s sake. If she saw me panic, things could of got worse. I had every belief and trust of all the staff that things should be okay, but it was still in my head I could lose both my girls here. This is why before Rach got taken to theatre, I told her to make sure she woke up. Something I never ever thought I would have to say to my wife. Thankfully the consultant assured me the operation went well. But I still didn’t know when she would wake up and be out of ITU. With this in mind, after theatre I got the chance to meet our beautiful daughter. Again, something I never thought I would have to do, and especially without and before Rach got to meet her. Heartbreakingly we had the conversation before Rach went to theatre and she told me to meet our daughter if I could. Emotions through the roof. When the time came, I didn’t know if I could meet her or how long I could stay in the room with her. From the minute I held Heidi, I didn’t want to put her down. I stayed in that room for hours just gazing at our beautiful creation. She just looked like she was peacefully sleeping. At this point I was so happy to be with our daughter, but so distraught she is not crying in my arms, but most of all, so worried and anxious hoping Rach will pull through. After being awake for 48 hours I was exhausted and said my goodbyes to Heidi to head home. My biggest worry then was is Rach going to wake up and be able to meet our Beautiful daughter? With incredible support from a midwife called Zoë, she kept me informed throughout the next day and told me the news Rach had progressed well over night and was going to be waking up. The biggest restriction on ITU right now is no visitors but somehow and thankfully the staff fought for me to be there when she woke up on Sunday evening. I was so happy. And to be told the next day they will move her to maternity so I can be with her and she will get to meet our daughter was even better. That next week was a lifeline for both of us, to be able to spend that precious time with Heidi made so much difference.  

This is my story and why we are raising money for Tommy’s in memory of our beautiful girl Heidi born sleeping 31st October 2020.