My Story

Anyone can have a mental health disorder at any point in there lives, it may be caused by something specific, a combinations of things, part of our genetics, the wrong amount of chemicals in our brain, etc. But it is never, ever, something we choose. It's not our fault, or yours.

For example, I've had an amazing childhood, I've been raised well by parents, and I've got lots of incredible friends, a loving family, an education, supposedly 'good' grades

But, I have multiple mental health disorders.

In primary school and in year 7, many things happened that contributed to my mental illnesses... I began to have disordered thoughts around food and my weight, but I did nothing about it until many years later; puberty; many, many exams; other kids bullying me; friendship issues; pets dying; pressure in school; multiple deaths of people I knew; needing to be someone I wasn't to be 'accepted' in society; found out I was deaf and so on. Despite this, I put everyone else before me. I listened, gave advice, didn't let my emotions show and more. I hid how I felt for years, bottling everything up until I broke.

In 2017, I was diagnosed with social and general anxiety, depression, and panic disorder. They checked my physical health to see if it was to do with that, but my body was all fine. But as my physical health didn't need treating, I was left with no help because my mental health apparently wasn't as important (which is absolute crap). I carried on hiding everything.

In 2018, everything got a whole lot worse, I had lost a lot, many things happened, and I still had no help. Because of this, my eating disorder (which I'd already began to act on in December 2017) went into full swing. As each day passed, my suicidal thoughts increased, and the only way I thought I could cope was by self harming and overexercising.

That June, I attempted suicide. Fortunately, I asked for help and I went to hospital overnight. Luckily there was no permanent, physical damage, and I received CBT for 8 weeks and counselling for 20 weeks.

That year, a week after my birthday, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. I was taken out of school, and was threatened with hospital.

Fast forward to now, August 2019, I'm still struggling, a lot- I'm not near to being weight restored, my panic attacks are frequent, I have depressive episodes, I'm scared of some foods, and sometimes, I'm still in denial about my mental illnesses, even after being diagnosed. But I'm getting there. I'm now taking an antidepressant, eating a sustainable amount of food, going to school more regularly, opening up about what I'm going through, I have an absolutely amazing support network of friends, family, teachers, and professionals, going to therapy, and I have much better coping mechanisms.


Throughout all of these years, I still ate, enjoyed food, had fun with my friends, spent time with my family, tried to keep up in school, and basically did everything I could to pretend that I was okay. You can't see a mental illness, but by looking for signs, checking in with others, or simply just smiling at someone, you could help them, you may even save their life.

I kept my mental illnesses a secret for too long. I hid everything as much as I could. If you think you’re struggling, talk to someone (e.g. a doctor, parent or guardian, a friend, me), it will help, I promise.

On the 14th September, I will be cutting 20cm off of my hair for the charity ‘The Little Princess Trust ‘, and will be raising money for ‘Buckinghamshire Mind’. Please donate. You can help to save a life.

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